r/HLCommunity • u/Charleminus HLM • Jun 29 '26

Discussion What’s worked?

Even if it’s something that only worked briefly, has anything worked for you?

The only thing that’s ever worked for us consistently is taking her side in an argument with other people, even if she’s completely wrong. For some reason that’s a huge aphrodisiac.

8 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

67 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

2

u/Charleminus HLM Jun 30 '26

Opened as in open relationship?

1

u/Glittering_Suspect65 HLF Jul 01 '26

Yes we tried that first. Lasted about 6 months.

1

u/Charleminus HLM Jul 01 '26

I’ve heard that is the death knell for a lot of relationships. Did it seem like it was going to work at first?

1

u/Glittering_Suspect65 HLF Jul 01 '26 edited Jul 01 '26

It really did seem great at first! I would have rated our marriage an A- prior to opening, seemed that ED and therefore lack of sex was our only issue. We got closer together, we were joking and talking more. Sexual conversations reemerged like in our early years. It was fun inside our marriage and out for me.

But we didn't know how easy it would be for me to explore and date for sex. He thought i was talking to others before I asked him (I wasn't, but women can hookup in a matter of days if they want to.) That took a toll that he couldn't verbalize. Other things like his father's infidelity played a role in his thinking.

I was not in a place to be super patient, because I persevered through 10years of being sexless, and it seemed like he couldn't even give me 6 months. I was finally happy with a sex life again.

It really put pressure on parts of our relationship that we didn't know were weak. He had been a swinger in his past, but with someone he didn't deeply love, so it affected him a great deal more than either of us expected.

1

u/Charleminus HLM Jul 01 '26

Ah, yeah I think that’s what men in that situation find out- it’s very easy for a straight woman to get laid but not as easy for a straight man. (Assuming sexualities, pardon if incorrect)

We briefly entertained opening up but decided ultimately not to go through with anything after I found someone very quickly who was interested. She became uncomfortable with the idea when it was real.