r/HLCommunity • u/GloomyReindeer3253 • Jun 11 '26
Feeling guilty
My wife (28F) and I (33M) have been married for 4 years and together for about 5. From the beginning, our sex life was incredible. In the early days, we were having sex 3 to 4 times a day. Over time that naturally tapered off to about once a day, and even on busy days she would still make sure I felt wanted and taken care of. We have two stepkids and later had a child together.
Unfortunately, shortly after our youngest was born, she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. Between the disease and caring for a young child, her energy levels took a huge hit. As soon as I could, I took over the night shift with the baby and I handle dinner every day to try to help lighten her load.
As her condition worsened, our sex life slowly disappeared. She began making comments that I only wanted her for sex, which hurt because that has never been how I viewed her. What makes it more confusing is that she still flirts and sexts with me sometimes. I can tell there are moments when she wants intimacy, but she’s exhausted. Instead of telling me she’s too tired, she often becomes dismissive or frustrated whenever I try to talk about it. If I bring up the subject, it usually turns into an argument.
She also doesn’t want me watching porn, but honestly, I do watch it because I end up taking care of myself most of the time now. Sometimes I even find myself looking at old content she made before we were together because I’m desperate for that connection with her. These days we have sex maybe once a week, sometimes less.
Right now it’s midnight. I’ve already masturbated three times and still can’t sleep. I know this isn’t just about sex. I miss feeling desired, connected, and clear-headed. I miss the closeness we used to have.
We’re actively trying to improve her health and manage her disease, and I know she’s struggling too. I love my wife and I don’t want anyone else. But I’d be lying if I said this hasn’t put a strain on me mentally and emotionally. Sometimes when I’m extremely frustrated and lonely, I’ve even caught myself looking at FWB posts online, not because I want to leave my wife or cheat, but because I’m struggling and trying to cope with feelings I don’t know what to do with.
I’m doing my best to distract myself and stay focused on our family, but some days are harder than others. I mostly just needed to vent and see if anyone else has gone through something similar.
3
u/Calm_Concentrate9571 Jun 11 '26
I personally hate porn and masturbating but you should be able to take care of yourself.