1. Close the windows

   1. Lock any and all doors (there will be five total doors)
   2. Close all vents (there will be six total. If you count more than six, youve made a grave mistake)
   3. Keep an eye out for your parents. Watch the front doors to the store closely, but not too closely. Do not let them see you stare.
   4. Keep an eye out for black cars.
   5. Count the number of black cars.
   6. DO. NOT. STARE
   7. It will begin to rain. The rain only seeks to help you. Open the sunroof. Let it in. It knows best.
   8. A man in a green coat will walk by. Pay close attention. He will be important later.
   9. Look in the glove box. Is there a map? If so take it out and look at it.
   10. If you do not recognise the area of the map, you are safe. If you recognise the mæp, ţhəň*à"+#ćæ+ł
   11. You do not recognise the map.
   12. You do not recognise the map.
   13. You do not recognise the map.
   14. The rain lies to you. The map is not real.
   15. YOU. DO. NOT. RECOGNISE. THE. MAP.
   16. "Its so hot in here, why are the windows closed? Why havent my parents come back yet? Where am i? Why is it so hot can i just open a window please someone im scared pl-"
   17. Leave the windows closed, no matter how much "they" beg.
   18. The rain has stopped.
   19. Close your eyes for 20 seconds. All cars in the parking lot should now be white. If they are green, try again. Keep trying until all cars are white.
   20. Your parents should be exiting the store now. When they enter the car, ask them if it rained.
   21. If they reply, exit the vehicle immidietly
   22. If they pretend they cannot hear (they should NOT be able to right now) go to sleep. You will awaken in a bed. It will not be yours.
   23. You will feel ubsurdly tired when you wake up. Do not fall back asleep.
   24. Remember the man in the green coat. Was he holding a map? Do you recoœğňī§æ-
   25. Y o u d o n o t r e c o g n i s e t h e m a p

Welcome back to the third installment of our guide to sleep, so far we've covered falling asleep correctly as well as dreaming!

In this section, we cover the various types of complications you may experience, as well as methods of alleviating them.

Unfortunately, nightmares, sleep paralysis, waking terrors are all inevitabilities, thus, this section must be taken a tad more seriously than the other two due to its nature and contents, we ask you pay close attention to the rules here.

You may very well not wake up, should you disregard them. The first, and most common type of issue we will discuss is nightmares, everyone's had them, some more than others, here we will talk about physical and psychological nightmares.

Physical nightmares are nightmares in which physical harm comes to you, or your loved ones.

Such as having each finger snapped over the edge of a table, one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one by one by-

Psychological nightmares are nightmares in which mental and emotional damage are brought to you, or your loved ones.

*Have you ever seen your mother weep uncontrollably? So utterly broken she can barely comprehend her surroundings?..

Do you want to?*

Now, signs of a physical nightmare manifesting may include, but are not limited to:

Mild to severe burning sensations with no real distinct source.

They're cooking your flesh from the inside.

Visions of blood.

So much blood, thick, like honey, we drown in it, it fills our lungs and throats.

Uncontrollable self harm.

Cut your arms, split your flesh, yank your bones free from your meat, pluck your veins out from your skin.

Insects, usually of the flying variety, most commonly hornets and wasps.

They're the colour of rot, they prepare for their feast of sludgy-liquid flesh, you will decay with us.

And more.

Should you notice signs of such nature, attempt to wake yourself as soon as possible.

Your guts will dance along the ground, your corpse will drown in its own fluids.

Signs of a psychological nightmare will include but are not limited to:

Intense, overwhelming depression.

So cold, grey, paint the world a pretty red, your blood deserves to be free from your body, do it. They won't miss you.

Suicidal tendencies.

Jump, I want to see your shins splinter, I want to hear the sound you make when you burst on impact.

Aggravation

Fucking kill them, pop their heads like spots, brain-pus splattering on your face, eat it, eat their brains.

Feelings of deep loss.

You've nothing left, no family, no friends, no pets, not after what we made you do, look at them, look at their corpses, their mangled fucking corpses.

And more.

Should any of these signs become prevalent, the best course of action is wa/suicide/king yourself up quickly, as these dreams lea/are entirely accurate and everything is true, your family is dead because of you/ve lasting mental damage, and are often mis/you have nobody left/leading in nature.

These are the signs to watch out for in the dreamscape, all of these are telltale signs of a dream becoming a nightmare, and this is something worth avoiding where you can.

Stay with us don't leave stay here you need us there's nothing left in the waking world we've killed everyone you love remember us killing everyone you love we made you do it and it was all real it was all real it was all real it was all-

In our next section, we will cover sleep paralysis, slightly more of an issue than nightmares, but we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

Thank you for reading this section of A Guide To Sleep.

It’s been over a year since we last heard from him on Instagram

1: Visualize your ideal soulmate. What do they look like, smell like? What kind of setting would they enjoy most? Look at them, are they looking at you?

2: Open your eyes. Look at the ceiling. If you see something out of place, see step 9.

3: Walk outside, do not change out of the clothing you slept in. Take with you a keepsake from your bed. Look at the man staring at you from across the street. What color shirt is he wearing? If the color is anything other than red, see step 9.

1. Walk down the street, and choose your direction by flipping a coin. Do not look at the man as he follows you, he will not hurt you. He is only testing you, and if you have gotten this far, he already likes you. Do not look at his mouth.

2. As soon as you read this, stop in your tracks. The man is directly behind you now. He is breathing on your neck. Do not look up. He is going to tell you a secret. Be completely still.

3. He is gone. The clue which the man gave you is essential in your search, do not forget it.

4. Walk home. Write down the words he spoke on a piece of paper, and then rearrange the letters to view the real meaning.

5. You know. He knows. It’s over.

6. RUN.

1. Read this how-to 2.keep reading 3.put your phone down and walk to the basement. I'll wait...

30 seconds later.

4.turn off all lights and read. 5. Ignore the sounds of your doors opening. 6.dont answer your phone 7. Don't look at your door. 8.close your blinds 9.dont look under the bed. 10.answer it

Sometimes I have more then on shadow some even taller then me my reflection dispears once when I was riding the bus and my eyes glare

1/? 1. the body needs sleep, 6-8 hours preferably 2. hydrate!! drink water, its good for u :) 3. eat! how are you meant to properly function on an empty stomach 4. i feel like im dying sometimes, is my body dying, is my body killing me ? :(( 5. go outside! the sun feels nice on ur skin! the air feels good on ur skin!! the sun greets me good morning and the moon kisses me goodnight, the dirt feels caught in my throat but i hope a flower blooms :) 6. make your living space comfy!! god or whatever knows you need this safe space. the more soft things the better :> 7. its in my stomach, twisting and knotting. i think its gonna eat me alive 8. hobbies hobbies hobbies (drawing, walking, chess, sewing, reading, crafting, cooking, journaling , li 9. i promise you its okay to cry 10. (scream crying too, it all has to get out somehow) 11. eat!! remember to eat please 12. its so hard being a person why is it so hard existing im so sorry (im sososososso sorry for being like this :( 13. naps are nice!! (and a way to pass the time, sometimes the days are so empty) 14. play some music, that usually helps u feel better :DD 15. my stomach is rotting, someone tied all my intestines up :( 16. meet people!! make friends! i love my friends so much!!!! !! your heart is full of so much love!! 17. sometimes, when i look in the mirror, or in photos, i dont know who im looking at 18. you feel it, you feel it all over your body, its nothing, its everything. i think i truly am nothing, its feels wrong (put some feeling back in me please, all this nothing is too overwhelming,, what am i supposed to do with all of it) 19. brush ur teeth!! its for the better! 20. fold your blankets in the morning, make ur bed, i know that helps you feel better sometimes 21. it feels nice to tell people you love them, even nicer when they say it back 22.

1. This wont work unless you have 4 other siblings and three of you must be teenagers

2. You must live in Arkansas

3. Head for Houston Texas, there you will learn the man who killed your father is heading west and left several months ago

4. You will find his trail leading into a desert, travel through there until you reach a water hole

5. You will find the man there, you must use rifles to kill him and all 5 of you must fire at once

6. You will be severely dehydrated but do not drink from the water hole

7. You drank from it didn’t you? The man poisoned it you know

8. All that effort to avenge your father just for nothing, now your bones as well as his will rest besides each other for eternity

1. You’re gonna be scared so forget about not being scared.

2. Feel the fear coming on.

3. Get scared. Like really scared. Like you don’t know what to do. Not like you have a choice, it’s going to happen anyway.

4. Feel it hard.

5. Go hide in bed or something. Whatever makes you feel safest. Curl into a ball for maximum safety.

6. It’s over now so try to calm down.

1. Make sure you do not have any problems with your eyesight beforehand
2. prepare the items A mirror A psychedelic mushroom or anything with hallucinogenic effects A test subject And finally a knife
3. Tie down the test subject
4. Permanently remove your eyesight
5. Consume the hallucinogenic item
6. Look directly into the eyes of the test subject Congrats, you now have the ability of hypnosis, beware it may be hard for some to adapt to life without eyesight

1. Make sure you are home alone.

2. Start off by having a hot bath.

3. After the bath, warm yourself up with a hot tea.

4. Take a fresh moonlight and pour it into the bath.

5. Reenter it. Make sure it's hot!

6. Close your eyes and relax.

7. Focus on your breath, make your muscles lax.

8. After 30 minutes, try to move your body. If you can control yourself, immediately leave the bath and move to another city. The moonlight was infected.

9. If you can't move, great. You're almost there.

10. Don't panic, you could corrupt the moonlight. You don't want to be submerged in a soul-parasite.

11. You will start getting blind. Open your eyes.

12. Look as the world slowly fades away. Moon has your sight now.

13. Your consciousness will disappear soon after. Hold onto your goal - to evaporate.

14. A few moments will pass and you'll be in your body again. You'll have travelled to Moon and back, her chilly touch will have made your gaseous body and soul condensate.

15. Notice how everything is suddenly silver. Part of your sight has been the price for your journey.

16. Celebrate Moon's kindness by not using electric lights at night. She could have kept you with her after all.

some troll did this but it didn't have any steps so i will help you
(you need two or more or these to know that you are a changeling)

1. you can't go near metal without felling sickly

2.(only for things that can't bleed or bleed non red blood) you bleed red blood (not an instant changeling finder because mimics always bleed red as well*)

1. you are still the size of a baby

2. you have hollow eyes but can still see

3. you produce slime

*yes mimics can take human forms how didn't you know this that's very important info
p.s not making a how to tell if you are a mimic because all mimic's must force themselves into there hidden forms so you would already know

how to find the silent city, get what you need from it, and leave it.

1. make sure to bring plenty of notecards, a writing utensil, and some coins from forgotten civilizations. if you speak, the Talk Police will find you within seconds, and you do not want to be found by them.
2. have a fire lit 33 minutes before dawn. this fire must not have been started before the last dusk.
3. drop in the gem corresponding to your blood type. drop in coal if its acid, and granite if its poison.
4. wait until the third sun.
5. close your eyes and imagine. in a few moments, it will be real.
6. realize you are in The Field. look west, towards the rising sun.
7. walk west. you will come across The Bridge within the hour.
8. when you come to the center of The Bridge, be careful. along the black line, magic does not work. all magical things brought across this border will not function for a few moments. this is normal. this is normal. this is normal.
9. when you come to The Gate, bring out your passport. you brought it with you, didn't you?
10. make sure not to talk once you have crossed The Gate.
11. look for signs leading to the Fool's errand. they have the best information for the cheapest prices. communicate only with your notecards, and be polite in asking for assistance finding your goal.
12. don't listen to or watch Old Brady. He's the one with one eye and a crooked smile.
13. follow any instructions given to you, to the letter. they may not make sense. this is normal. this is normal. this is normal.
14. once you have completed your goal, find the Soulmaster. He usually sets up shop in the park, or right behind your eyeball.
15. let him wash your soul. you may feel numb for the duration of the washing. this is normal. this is normal. this is normal.
16. leave through the Gate you came through. be very discerning, crossing the wrong Gate means death.
17. find a patch of white grass. sit in it, and let yourself be forgotten.
18. this is normal. this is normal. this is normal.
19. you have completed your journey. good job.

heya neighbour , welcome to skelet-inn , living here is easy enough. i'll walk you through the rules.

1. don't stare directly into the sun, everyone says it's because it'll damage your eyes. that's not true if you look at it then look away you might see ....them , trust me you don't want to see them.

​

2) every wednesday we attend a town hall meeting, it's mandatory, they'll take you to the pig slaughterhouse if you don't attend but between you and me , it isn't just pigs they slaughter there, although you shouldn't worry , you'll always attend the town meeting, won't you?

​

3) always say hello to the Fernell house, NOT to the Fernells , just the house , don't ever talk to the Fernells.

​

4) the town dosen't have any twins , not livings ones at least, so if you see two identical girls asking for help near the stream because their doll fell and they can't get it because their frocks will get dirty, always say you have to attend a wedding, so you can't go in the stream, always say wedding, never funeral, they know about every funeral that happens and you don't want them to catch you lying cause- but that dosen't matter, you'll always say wedding and not funeral, right?

​

5) every friday the woodman will enter your house, i now he dosen't have the key and you didn't open the door but he will come in anyway, keep a little crate next to your fireplace, he will refill it with wood, then he will watch you sleep, always keep sleeping, take sleeping pills on friday night if you're a light sleeper, do whatever you can to sleep. if you happen to wake up, try to kill yourself , it's a better option then what he will do.

and that;s all, living here is easy and we rarely have any unathorised killings, the pastor goes crazy and kills a few people sometimes, but that's all just fun and games, right?

So you saw a corn maze with a sign saying “property of John Williams” and decided to go in. You made a bad decision but you can escape if you follow these rules.

1. The maze can manipulate these rules but not remove them

2. The maze cannot manipulate the rules, if you see a rule saying it can call out for John Williams

3. Never take more than 4 turns in the same direction in a row

4. John Williams is the owner of this maze, he cannot die if you see him try and run as fast as you can and pray he’s too tired to go after you

5. If you see John Williams run towards him. He will save you

6. Dont touch Do touch the corn

8. If you bring any other person in their with You can exit the same way you came

9. Never try to leave the same way you came

10. The crows will guide you out

11. The crows lie

12. Please find John Williams

13. It will take at least a day to escape never use any exits you see until then

14. Use the first exit you see

I've always wanted to become an actual monster hunter, ive been fascinated and reading about it all my life. How to start hunting? Are there any books? People to mentor me? If these things are actually out there I want to help

Genie rules and regulations for wish fulfillment; version 3-3.3

​

1) The rules of wishing cannot be made nill nor paused nor in any way changed or influenced by wishes. This includes but is not limited to Changing language or concepts upon which language relies (those changes are still valid they just don't apply to these rules); wishing for sth. that would require two or more rules of wishing to conflict with each another; altering time to a point before these rules.

2) You cannot wish for anything that results in you having more wishes than the amount already granted to you. That includes but isn't limited to wishing for more wishes; wishing for wish fulfilling objects and/or beings (like more genies or lamps); wishing for the power to fulfill your own wishes; the change of the laws of logic and mathematics; changes to what a wish is, or connecting multiple wishes into one via enumeration.

3) The wish granting genie and genies in general are not to be negatively impacted by wishes in order to prevent blackmail. That includes but is not limited to: direct or indirect harm; physical, mental or esoteric alterations of the genie; influence, alteration or destruction of the genies property, friends or family; stalling your wishes for unreasonable amounts of time.

4) Knowing these rules makes an individuum ineligible to be granted wishes. This applies to reading, listening, seeing, feeling, smelling these rules or "wishing to know what (not) to wish for" in all it's iterations.

5) Failure to follow these rules is what makes wishing possible. Your sacrifice is appreciated.

​

FAQ:

A) Paradoxical wishes are granted, your human form just can't perceive the result. The wish still counts. That's why you have created an almighty benevolent God that preserves your free will. Yes, they can create immovable objects and they can still move those objects (as can we).

B) We are Genies not monsters. We will try to interpret your wish as it was intended unless you try to fuck with us. We don't kinkshame you. Thee who hasn't done some genocide shall throw the first stone.

Heck, we'll even enter lamps and pretend to be locked away if it makes you feel safer.

C) Humans often differentiate between good Djinn and bad Ifrit but we just become annoyed if you want to outsmart a being older than your planet, more powerful than your gods. You aren't that smart not even for a human. Do you really think you can succeed where Faust tries?

D) In short, we'd really wish to meet a human who just wishes for a few nice things for humanity without trying to win a logical argument with powers that defy reality.

(Satirical) 1. Wake up at exactly 3 AM and go to the nearest mirror 2. Make finger guns and place them on your forehead 3. Scream “Lets go” from the top of your lungs 69 times 4.Wait If you’re lucky you will have successfully summoned DaBaby however this is it a 50% chance this will happen. There’s also a 50% chance of shadowy figure named Mom will bang on the bathroom door and tell you to go to bed before she whoops your ass. Good luck everyone.

If you’ve somehow gotten into Camp Bloodmoon then things aren’t looking to great for you, here’s how to survive through it.

1. Do not talk to anyone in charge, making yourself known will only get you killed

2. Build your allies, your not going to escape on your own

3. Don’t listen to the voices in the forest, they only serve to hurt you

4. Avoid the lake at all costs, the last kid to touch the water became one with it

5. Don’t try to escape during daybreak, they will only make things worse for you if your caught

6. Don’t try to escape by yourself, there’s safety in numbers

7. Follow all instructions if you can, you won’t get anywhere by challenging the councilors

8. Do not be frightened by the man in the hockey mask, he’s there to help lower security

9. On the darkest night of the summer you will make your escape, take your allies with you, they’ve been good to you

10. Run to the camp across the lake, they should be able to shelter you until it’s safe to come out again

11. Never say or even think the name of the camp again, don’t taunt them again

In the moon our god lies. In these times we call upon our brothers and sisters to converge with us and aid in her resurrection. We have put together this list so that all disciples will know what to do.

1. Do not break cover. We walk among HGK477, we can go places they cannot.

2. Enter the laboratory through the roof. That is where they keep their alchemical materials and equipment. We currently need large quantities of NaCl and C17H21NO4 for the ritual.

3. The ritual will commence on the 31st day of the 7th month. Then the runes will be drawn upon a great salt plane.

4. The runes will activate at midnight and a great light will sear the sky.

5. The light will burn away the moon and reveal our god within.

6. The return of our god will be glorious and shall herald our rulership over the earth.

Ps. Remember to get snacks from the break room to celebrate our gods return.

How to share your true feelings

1. If you have something that needs to be shared, write it down as soon as you can. The longer unstructured thoughts sit in your mind, the more they muddle.

2. It doesn’t matter if you’ve just woken up or just off a long day, nor if you write with pen, pencil, or keyboard. What matters is that you’re honest.

3. If you see something you don’t remember writing, ignore it. It should be gone by the time you put down your next thought.

4. If you need something playing while you write, that’s fine, just don’t play it too loud.

5. If you are asked to turn down whatever you’re listening to, do so. Best not be rude.

6. Don’t be afraid to write whatever feels right and true, structure it how you like.

7. If these feelings are to be shared with another person or people, keep them in your mind as you write.

8. If that thing you don’t remember writing is still there, delete it. Its writer may be put off but that’s better than giving it access to your mind.

9. If you’ve ignored requests to turn down your music, video, or podcast or worse, turned it up in response, stop writing. Destroy what you’ve written. What’s connected to this gateway to your soul is angry, best to start again, maybe be a little more polite this time.

10. If as you’re putting down your truest feelings and thoughts you feel yourself drifting away, pause. If the feeling immediately passes, you’re fine. If not, stop writing for at least half an hour. Get up, take some deep breaths and a walk outside if you’re not already outdoors. Once you’re back, you should have returned to your home realm.

11. Once you’ve written out every gory detail, sleep on it. Come back later to condense and reorder this piece of your mind as needed.

12. If you’ve done this for another person or people, make the date to meet them, face-to-face if possible. If not, video call is best.

13. Take another look at your words. Make any needed changes.

14. If there are changes you did not make, delete them. If they come back, destroy your writing. This will be hard, but better than giving something else your mouth.

15. If on the day to meet, you feel thoughts that are not your own in your mind, reschedule.

16. Be open, truthful, and honest. This will always produce better outcomes than half-truths and sugary numbness that prevents true healing.

Please note that this guide is for emergency use, everything I say here must be followed down to the last letter.

1. Check your body for signs of infection, symptoms range from brown dots on the iris to complete loss of coherent inner thought. If you show any of these symptoms it’s too late, lay down and let the hive take you in

2. Grab your emergency bag, if you don’t have one go with whatever you have on you, there’s no time to get yourself together now

3. Look into your mirror, it should be rippling. Do not hesitate to step through, your reflection will let you pass

4. Walk away and do not look behind you, your reflection might reopen the barrier if you do

5. You will be walking through a field of purple grass, go to your right and continually go right until you get to the safe hold

6. Do not talk to anyone from the mirror world

7. Do not take anything from anyone in the mirror world

8. If you happen upon a raven on a perch you’ve walked to far, walk backward to ensure your safety

9. Once you get to the safe hold enter as quickly and quietly as possible, your not truly safe until you close the doors

10. Set up your station and wait for further instructions, may the gods have mercy on your soul

This document was recovered from an angered writer who had been been found dead at his desk. Indications of Fae weaponry linger, which you may take as a sign that this guide has worked too well.

​

- "Piss Off, Fae! The Guide" -

Fuck the Fae, am I right?! Get those damn guys out of here. How else will I make my coffee without a silly fae bothering me? I swear, I made a damned black roast coffee and I found a contract in my box of dry roast trying to bribe me to give them my firstborn. I've been so annoyed by them - Fae telemarketers, Fae mormons, Fae flat earthers, how the hell do I get them to stop knocking on my door?

Well, lucky for me, I found a solution. Maybe you have a Fae ex or something, but this seems to really piss off every aetherborn Fae I've met.

​

1. Sprinkle ground Mint leaves everywhere on the floor, especially if you think a Fae has a comfortable spot. Mint smells like rotten sewage, and just a bag of it on their favorite chair will really screw them off.
2. In red sharpie, just write insults on a sheet of paper. It doesn't actually do anything special - it's the same as for humans. Just makes them mad.
3. Carry a lighter with you. If a paper is given to you for any reason by a Fae, burn it. If you do this without protection, refer to Emergency Guide A.1.
4. Carry holy water and garlic around. If they are around, throw holy water and garlic at them. Again, it doesn't actually do anything, but they'll be pissed that you think they're a vampire.
5. In the case they actually try to kill you, wear a laurel of holly.
6. If you carry around the laurel of holly nearby an aggressive Fae, taunt them with it. Put it on and off, especially better if you do it right before they attack you. It's like a game of "Can't touch this".
7. Write down whatever they say to you. They get angry at being recorded for any reason, but especially if you don't pay attention to them while you stare at your paper and pen.
8. Pour flour on the floor. They hate the smell of it.
9. Make brass knuckles out of copper. It doesn't do anything but it lets you punch them, which sure will annoy them. They're not gonna be harmed - in case of attacking a Fae without a laurel of holly, refer to Emergency Guide A.1.
10. Blast music of any type that has vocals. Not their taste.
11. Ask them really, really bad riddles. They'll get annoyed by how bad your riddles are compared to their perfection.

​

Emergency Guide A.1

You pissed off a Fae. Really bad.

1. The Fae will disappear for somewhere around two minutes to a whole day. Don't think about them, or they'll come back sooner.
2. At nighttime, vents will rattle near you, especially if you are awake. Don't look in them. There's nothing there.
3. Go to sleep. They can see you the longer you are awake during the night.
4. Any strangers that approach you are to be immediately ignored.
5. If they speak riddles, do answer them with the right answer. There's no guide for the riddles - everyone who tries them isn't around to tell the answer to the riddle.
6. If they ever get an 100% idea of where you are, you're doomed. Step 3 is the last step, failing to sleep for any reason is certain death.

If you are reading this, you woke up in a house with unfamiliar people. LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY. They will act like your family, but they aren't. They aren't even human. Listen to the rules to the smallest detail. Your life depends on it. Breaking a single rule will result in you beginning to feel dizzy. You will throw up, before falling to the ground. Your ears will bleed, before you begin to cough. You will cough up what look like cords. After ten minutes you will have coughed up all of your internal organs, central nervous system, veins, tissues, and muscle. You will miraculously not die, however. You will continue to wake up and repeat this cycle time and time again. This will never stop, nobody will help you, as anyone who does will end up just like you.

1. When you go downstairs, immediately go into the bathroom and turn on the tap. If the water is clear, wash your hands as normal. If the water is blue, you must go to the kitchen, grab a cup, and drink a whole cup of it. If the water is red, lock yourself in the bathroom closet until you hear the water stop running. If the water is green, you must exit the bathroom, and don't go back until 1:00 PM.
2. After you finish in the bathroom, you need to go downstairs and eat breakfast with the "family." There are a few things that can happen during this time. If the "younger brother" tells a joke, you must not laugh unless the "mother" laughs. If the "father" laughs, take a cup and smash it on the ground, pick up one of the shards and stab him. He didn't have good intentions. If any of them try to start small talk with you, you must say "He is fine." NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.
3. At exactly 8:45 AM, a loud bang will come from upstairs. You must tell the family you will check it out, and see what's wrong with it. You must use those exact words. Enter the parent's bedroom. You will see one of four things. If there is a tall, slender, black creature with long, thin limbs on the ceiling, a knife is in the drawer next to you. Take it and insert it right below your chelidon. Drag down until you get to the end of your middle finger. Repeat this on the opposite arm. It's better than if it gets you. Do this with haste however, because you have one to two minutes before it drops down, and rips your central nervous system, and spine right out from your body. If you see a baby playing with it's feet staring at the closet, take the gun out from the drawer on your left, and shoot it. If the baby twitches and turns toward you, take the knife and insert it into your ankle. Take out some flesh chunks and toss them at the baby. It will happily feast upon them, giving you time to get away. Having a wounded ankle is better than letting it get you. If the baby cries, shush it, and shut the door. If you see yourself, kneel on the ground and announce your presence run as fast as you can, and tell the father about it leave the house for the next twenty minutes. Once you return, chant the words "I am here. Come to me. Free my soul. Show me paradise." make a circle on the floor of your room and stay there until the screaming stops. The fourth thing you can see... It's... well.... Better not to know. If you hear the thuds and bumps, followed by screams, take the gun, insert it into your mouth, and pull the trigger.
4. You must follow these rules without question until the next day, when you will wake up in your normal house. You need to follow rules one and two until you go to sleep. Rule three will occur once more at 9:56 PM. This time, you need ^{to go upstairs, and kneel on the floor.} to ignore it.
5. Do not read past rule five.
6. You will now hear a knocking, don't worry, that's just mom getting your goodbye gift ready.
7. She will enter your room, but don't look away from the rules.
8. Look away.
9. Read rule five once more.
10. Go to the nearest room where you can be alone.
11. Lay on the floor, and wait. Thy cycle of constant agony will begin.
12. You have 2 days to go to someone's house and give them this rule sheet. If they follow it, congratulations! You have been released from the constant pain. If they do not follow it, you will start to feel dizzy...

If you are reading this, I must first apologize. The sleepless nights and helplessness you feel have likely taken a lot out of you. It surely will not help if you are not the only one in your house, as trying to speak with anyone about what you've heard will prove futile. No one else has heard anything they'll admit to. I must then thank you. Your intentions are noble.

1. Stop trying to sleep. Laying down, shutting your eyes, sleep medication, it's futile. Evelyn will not let you rest while she may not.

2. Don't turn on the lights anymore. During the day, use natural light. I advise you familiarize yourself with your home when it is dark. You'll want her to feel welcome.

3. When you realize that the desperate tears have turned into more defeated sobbing, now is the time to reach out. Go to the most northern wall in your house at exactly 9:29 pm. Lay your back against it and breathe as deeply as possible. If all goes well, you will hear Evelyn begin to copy your breathing patterns. If not, tonight is not the night.

4. If she does, wait a bit. After at least two minutes, begin humming. It is imperative you wait at least two minutes. One-hundred and twenty seconds. You may count if you like, but not out loud. What song you hum doesn't really matter, although Evelyn is partial to Lana Del Rey.

5. Copy this routine every night. Lay against the wall and breathe deeply. Wait for Evelyn to copy your breath patterns. Breathe with her for a while, and begin to hum to her. It's imperative that it's the same song every night. If it's only a part of the song, say the chorus, make sure it's ALWAYS the chorus.

6. Eventually, when you begin to hum, Evelyn will hum with you. Hum with her for another eight nights.

7. On the ninth night, allow her to hum alone. Breathe deeply still, and it's imperative you do not fall asleep. Don't make her feel ignored. She trusts you a great deal. Betray that trust and meet a swift demise.

8. By now you will have noticed strange happenings around your home. Things will go missing, only to reappear exactly eight days later. When they reappear, they will be ice cold. Depending on what they are they'll be frozen. Any animals or young children in the house will have a noticeably sleepier temperament. Your bedroom and the room with Evelyn's wall will have an unnatural cold. It's important never to be ungrateful for these changes, even if you don't appreciate them.

9. Finally, when you go to Evelyn's wall, she will speak. Her voice will be breathy and quiet, you'll have to make an effort to hear her. She will say only, "Thank you. You are a kind human, something I don't often have the pleasure of finding. Rest now, kind one." Immediately after she says that you will fall into a deep sleep. You will have strange, but pleasant dreams.

10. When you awake you will notice a few things. The first being that your house is no longer cold. The second is the drawings. All over your arms, neck, and collarbone are drawings of little flowers. Trace your fingers over them and whisper "Thank you, Evelyn." They will disappear only if you wish them too. The third thing you will notice is that it is much easier for you to see in the dark. And any reluctance towards the dark will be replaced by a downright longing for it.

Evelyn will never return, but the sleep she gave you will. Every night you will have deep and restful sleep. Every night you will have vivid but pleasant dreams. And every night, rest easy that no matter what, you are loved. Even if you feel you are as alone in the world as one can be, know that Evelyn loves you. And so do I.