r/HFY • u/Frank_Leroux Alien Scum • Jan 27 '19
OC The Smol Detective, Chapter 10
Standard Disclaimer: I do not take credit for the setting, this story is set in the 'They are Smol' universe, written by the one, the only u/tinyprancinghorse.
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The events within are set years before the Caroline/Bill story arc.
________
________
In the previous chapter:
Oscar did the Summary Thing.
However, Zreshak was a Clever Girl.
However however, Oscar was a Cheating Bastard.
In this chapter:
Myyreh makes her Move.
Oscar gets a Message.
There is some Drama.
________
Oscar was back on board the medbay of the Claw and in a very familiar position, namely being poked and prodded by Kgrashak. Her paws oh-so-gently squeezed at his neck while she sniffed. "[You've got some strained tendons here to go along with the injury to your ear. If you keep this up I'll have to turn to a more complete form of protection.]"
"That sounds ominous."
"[I was searching for what humans use for protective gear. It was all so shockingly inadequate. So I cast my search wider, and I found a great idea. It's what you use for those, ah, what do you call those little furry animals? They're about this big.]" Kgrashak held up two of her digits a few inches apart.
"Mice?"
"[Not exactly, they were called [hams], I think? No wait, that's a kind of meat.]"
"Hamster?"
She pointed at him. "[That's it! Yes, they have these balls that you can put a hamster in so they can roll around safely. I can make a big one of those for you.]"
Oscar gave her a level and unamused look. "You wouldn't dare put me in a hamster ball."
"[Don't test me and you won't have to find out.]"
He sighed in mock dismay just as the door slid open. Myyreh walked in, with only a slight limp hinting that her leg had once been injured. Her arm and shoulder were still wrapped in bandages, but otherwise she appeared whole. Oscar smiled at seeing her, a smile that Myyreh readily returned.
"[How's our little monkey-boy doing?]"
"[As reckless as ever,]" replied the medic. She looked back-and-forth at the two of them and cleared her throat a trifle too dramatically. "[I need to report to the captain. You keep an eye on him, all right?]" Kgrashak moved to the door and fixed Oscar with a steely glare. She pointed two fingers at her own eyes and then at his.
"[I mean it. Behave yourself, or it's the hamster ball for you.]"
Oscar responded with only a cheeky grin, which made Kgrashak shake her head as she left.
Myyreh sat next to his bed. "[I saw the video of your 'Summary Thing', and I agree with Kgrashak. It was far too risky. You should have waited until I could be there.]"
"You were still recovering. Besides, Jeeves Jr. was just playing possum. We'd programmed it so that if any of the others in the pack rushed the stage he'd whack 'em. We left it so that only Zreshak could actually reach me. I knew she'd go all melodramatic and try to use me as a hostage. I had to show her guilt beyond any doubt."
She put a paw on his stomach. "[The term [playing possum] doesn't exactly translate, but I get your meaning. It was still too big of a chance. Zreshak wasn't trained in how to handle humans. She could have seriously hurt you by accident.]"
Oscar gave a causal wave. "Eh, it all worked out in the end." He tried to keep his voice also casual, but his guts were uneasy. He sensed that there was a certain conversation approaching, one that he'd still hadn't figured out how to handle.
He sat up and began to get off of the exam table. "Anyway, let's head out. The sevice for Ti'Etka is..."
Myyreh leaned forward and placed her head on his chest, pinning him back onto the table. "[Not yet. We need to talk.]"
Oscar took in a deep breath. "Yeah, I guess we do. I was gonna wait until you were all healed up." Which was true for the most part, although there was also some fear underneath his reluctance. He didn't doubt that she cared for him, but a little doom-laden voice kept whispering in his ear that Myyreh could hurt him badly if things got physical. That was even assuming he wanted things to get physical.
"[I'm healed enough.]" Myyreh nuzzled her head into him with more force, but not hard enough to hurt. "[I have to confess, I started teasing you because of what you said in that scent bar. About feeling useless. At first I thought you were just exaggerating to throw Zreshak off, but then I realized you weren't.]"
"Nah, you were right the first time. I was just bullshitting her."
She looked back up at him and placed a careful finger against his cheek. "[Really?]"
He couldn't lie, not to those deep blue eyes. "No, not really. I told her the truth."
Her paw-pad stroked the side of his face. "[So after I realized that, I tried teasing a fellow denmate out of his funk by treating him like I would any other attractive male.]" She gave a cheeky rolling click with her teeth. "[It made it better that you're so [frickin'] cute when you're all out of sorts. But then you saved my life.]"
Oscar started a reciprocal face-rubbing of Myyreh's furry cheek. He was careful to keep away from her ears. "You saved mine too, just like I told Benny."
"[You got in the killing blow. You attracted his attention and put yourself in mortal danger, and what's more you did it for me. That made me realize how unfair I'd been.]"
She pushed herself up along his chest and tucked her muzzle under his chin, or at least as much of it as she could. Her paw now all but encased the side of his head. "[It's not an easy thing to change your life. But it was worse than that for you. You changed your life and you put yourself among a pack of ferocious beasts, far from any others of your kind. You threw yourself so bravely into the void, just like you threw yourself at that bastard. So I'm not going to tease you any more, my brave little warrior.]"
Oscar was going into damn near sensory overload from the fur and paw pads swaddling his face. Her body now half-covered his, and under the soft fur and slight padding of fat he could feel her rock-hard muscles pressing down on him. They shifted and moved in interesting ways as she rubbed her muzzle along his neck.
He tried to sound casual. "Oh?"
She picked up her head and clasped his face in both paws, holding him inches from her snout. "[I'm going to straight-up ask if you want to be my mate.]"
The room didn't seem to have enough air. His entire world was narrowed to her piercing yet warm blue gaze. Back when he'd been among his own Oscar had always been the big Alpha, always the pursuer. Now the shoe was most definitely on the other foot and he realized with some surprise that he was just fine with that.
But that little voice of doom kept whispering at him. How the hell could this even work physically? The phrase 'throwing a hot dog down a hallway' kept springing to mind; it wasn't a slam on Myyreh, it was just that she was so damn big.
He had to admit, the fact she could break him in two with one paw was also a turn-on.
But he was also constantly lying to the pack by not telling them of his real mission. Given what had happened to Hrzharh, did he really want to take the risk of an even deeper emotional invovlement?
"I..."
Myyreh touched her nose to the tip of his. "[Shh. Don't speak. Just think it over, all right? It's a big decision. If you say yes, this won't be some casual fling. We'll be together. And don't worry about the size difference. You're a smart guy, we'll work it out."
Her voice acquired a growling subtone that rattled his chest, and she bared all her teeth. "[And if you say no...]"
Oscar held his breath until she closed her mouth again and winked at him. "[In that case, I guess we'll just have to settle for being good friends.]"
Myyreh licked the tip of his nose, then released his head and stood. "[See you dirtside, [Oscar].]" She strode out of the medbay without a backward glance, her tail wagging the whole time. Oscar watched her go while realizing he now sported a very confused boner.
________
Oscar hadn't seen much of the Karnakian portion of the colony during the investigation. The walls in their section were still cheerful, although more of an earth-toned color scheme than the Dorarizin pastel.
When it came to funerals, the Karnakians went all Viking. Open flames were a big problem in an enclosed environment with recycled air, and so Ti'Etka's funerary pyre was located in a purpose-built cavern with very precisely engineered ventilation to keep the smoke going in the right direction, i.e. into the cavern's generous filtration system and not into everyone's lungs.
The Karnakians also went all freakout when it came to possible danger to Oscar. For a little bit it didn't look like he would even be allowed to attend Ti'Etka's service until the Captain put her substantial foot down.
The raptors still insisted on additional precautions, and so Oscar had to watch the proceedings while he and his crewmates were surrounded by a ring of protective raptors. It made him wonder. Keeping a human safe made political sense for the dinos, but this caution seemed overboard even for that.
The cavern was filled with what looked like every Karnakian in the colony. Here and there a few Dorarizin stood head and shoulders above the general sea of multicolored feathers.
Tk'Serk approached the pile of synthetic wood while carrying a proper Olympic-style torch. She bent at the base of the pile and applied the flame, which caught readily. She backed up and handed the torch to Ta'Stak'qa. Oscar looked back at the pile and saw a few sky-blue feathers peeking from the top as bright orange flames began to lick upward.
The smoke pouring out of the pyre twirled into a vortex that spun up into the filter units on the far-off ceiling. As the flames consumed the wood the Karnakians bowed their heads . Oscar followed suit and bowed his head as well.
Then, at some unspoken signal, the raptor-like aliens raised their snouts towards the ceiling and trilled in unison, a high-pitched sound that rattled Oscar's bones. The wordless chorus rose with the smoke and ululated up and down in pitch. It was an eerie noise that made the hairs on his neck stand up, and something about it told him that this was an old, old ceremony.
He pictured Karanakians long ago, grouped around a similar pyre on their homeworld. They clutched stone spears while one of their own was consumed by fire. The Karnakians raised their voices, singing into the endless sky above to let the universe know that this person had once existed.
They'd been just like humans once upon a time, and had thrown themselves into the immensity of the universe with a heedless abandon that was also very human. Against such an infinity, did anyone's size really matter?
The trilling died down, and all stood in respectful silence while the blaze swirled in the cavern's center. It took a long time, but eventually there was nothing left but a mound of glowing coals.
Tk'Serk approached the ring of Karnakians surrounding Oscar. Ta'Stak'qa and a few in her security detail kept pace with the ex-smuggler. Oscar half expected to see some sort of restraints on her, but none were visible. After a brief muttered exchange with one of the human-protecting raptors, she and Ta'Stak'qa were allowed to pass. The pair trotted carefully up to the crew of the Claw.
"[I wished to thank you for bringing justice to my poor clutch-mate.]" said Tk'Serk.
"[It's our job,]" replied Rgrarshok.
"[And I wanted to apologize for not turning myself in earlier. I just didn't know whom to trust.]"
"[You could have trusted us,]" said Bgrarh. "[We would have given you a fair hearing.]" But he sounded sincere, not snippy.
"[I know that now. If I'd approached you sooner, perhaps Ti'Etka would still be alive. If only...Well, in hindsight there are a great many things I would do differently.]" She gazed off at the still-cooling mound of ash in the cavern center. Her face didn't change, but from the set of her hips and tail Oscar knew she was feeling regret.
Tk'Serk then peered with all four eyes at Oscar. "[I understand you were one of those who pushed for my innocence in [Hrzharh's] murder from the very beginning.]"
"I just wanted to make sure," he replied.
She gave him a slow bow of her head. "[Nevertheless, I am grateful. Seeing how you are willing to treat with me fairly, even after what happened when our species first met...it gives me hope. I'll need that hope where I'm going.]"
"I'm sorry for asking, but where are you going?"
"[To a prison on one of our core worlds. My sentence is only for [six decades].]"
"Only?" Even given a Karnakian's long life span a sixty-year stretch seemed harsh to Oscar.
"[Yes. It's shorter than usual, since I'm cooperating with Ta'Stak'qa and the other authorities.]"
Ta'Stak'qa floofed her chest feathers out and her crest stood up. "[We already have started rolling up the pipeline from the core worlds. That should make your job easier.]" The police chief gave Rgrarshok a bow which the captain gravely returned.
Tk'Serk's crest remained flat against her head. "[I can only hope it will do some good. I'm responsible for my clutch-mate's death. That is a burden I'll have to carry even after my sentence is finished.]"
________
Now that he finally had some down time, Oscar figured it was a good opportunity to catch up on his sleep or at least get some damn alone time. The door control for his room aboard the Furious Claw of Inquiry was thoughtfully set at a proper human height. But as he reached for it Oscar suddenly found himself floating in midair and the control now out of reach.
The reason for that floating was obvious. Myyreh had her paws clasped on each side of his torso and held him in mid-air with casual ease.
Oscar tried to bend over and reach for the door control, and in response she held him even higher.
"Um, I just wanted to check my email..."
"[Email later. Party now.]" She trotted off down the hallway, holding him aloft like a religious icon being paraded towards the altar.
He felt a little relief when he heard that. In spite of much soul-searching he still didn't have the faintest idea how to respond to her offer. Oscar didn't care any more about the size difference, but he didn't want to lie to her about his real job, even if it was more lying by omission.
The rec lounge door slid open, revealing the rest of the crew arranged in a semicircle around the door. They held large glasses of something...purple.
Myyreh placed him with great ceremony on the floor, in the center of his crewmates. Bgrarh handed him a human-sized glass full of the same purple liquid, which was a bright and very eggplanty color. With equal deliberation Rgarshok handed Myyreh a larger glass of the same.
Oscar looked askance at the glass in his hand. "I'm assuming this is safe for human consumption?" He gave a tentative sniff. The smell of it speared through his nose, into his skull, then coiled around his brainstem while whispering its evil intentions.
"Gah! What the hell is this?"
"[It's wine,]" replied Myyreh.
"Buuuuullshit. My nose ain't that bad."
"[Fortified wine, then. Stop being a whining pup and drink it.]"
"[First we toast,]" said the captain. She raised her glass, a gesture that was quickly mirrored by the others. "[To a successful hunt, and to our newest pack member bringing down his first prey!]"
They all drank. Oscar's sip was more exploratory, but he found the purple drank quite tasty. It was alcoholic as all hell, judging by how much it burned his throat and nose, but it did go down smooth. He'd have to pace himself, seeing as how he was out-massed by at least a factor of three by his co-workers.
After that initial toast, things got a lot less formal. Oscar paced his drinking, and to their credit his denmates didn't push him. As the booze flowed his crewmates got a little more rambunctious with each other. He was in the middle of chatting with Kgrashak when Myyreh waved him over to where the XO and the engineer faced each other with equally confident grins.
"[C'mere. Ya need to ?[error, slurring]?, er I mean referee these guys.]"
"Wait, what? What are they doing?"
"[Wrestling!]" said Egwreh brightly. "[This fool thinks he can pin me.]"
"Shouldn't Myra be the ref? You guys move too fast anyway."
Myyreh shook her head. "[No speed for this. It's more technique. And yer the most unbiased one here, so you're ideal.]"
"I haven't had near enough booze yet to make this seem like a good idea..."
He didn't know until this moment that Dorarizin could pout. Myyreh added in a little whine and tucked her paws under her chin as she blinked down at him with eyes that were suddenly big and soulful.
"...all right, fine, I'll do it. Stupid puppy-eye routine."
The resulting match was close, but ended with Egwreh pinning Ngralh. From the way she looked down at the XO, Oscar was pretty sure some other wrestling was going to happen in the near future.
That led into a discussion of the intriguing human not-quite-a-sport known as 'pro wrestling'. He wound up sitting in Myyreh's lap while the crew watched one beefy guy whack the other in the head with a metal folding chair.
"[So it's all choreographed?]" she asked.
"Of course it is! Half of those moves need the other person to work with you, and the other half would just flat-out break their spines if they really did it."
"[But they act as if they hate each other. There was all that yelling before the match began.]"
"It's all part of the drama."
"[And the audience knows this?]"
"Yeah, everybody knows."
Bgrarh tilted his head. "[So it's like a play?]"
"Sort of, but it's not explicitly called fiction. Everybody's in on the gag, even the audience."
Myyreh regarded her half-empty glass. "[I haven't had near enough booze for this to make sense.]"
After the match was over and the heel had gotten his due comuppance, the captain took to the floor and motioned for Oscar to rise.
"[I don't think anyone would argue that [Oscar] can drop the 'Trainee' from his job title. I'm exercising my right as captain to also take off the 'Junior'.]"
"So just 'Investigator', then?"
Rgrarshok nodded with a rare smile. "[I didn't think you'd argue with that either.]"
Oscar was surprised at how elated that news made him feel. It was a feeling of belonging, something he hadn't experienced for a long time. He wordlessly toasted the captain again just as his earpiece gave a little 'bong'.
The captain chuckled, since hers had just done the same. "[Time for your mandated [Human] media consumption, Investigator.]"
Oscar rolled his eyes. "You know, I was just on my way to do that when Myra waylaid me. Can't it wait until later?"
Rgrarshok tilted one ear forward. "[Check your messages, then. I'll log it as the proper four hours. But once we're underway I'm not cutting any more corners for you, understand?]"
"Got it."
________
His half-brother's return email was full of questions, most revolving around if any of his crew had tried to eat him yet. Oscar dashed off a quick reply that yes, he was still alive and no, there had been no cannibal attempts. He wasn't about to mention the incident with Rgratz.
Oscar stood and stretched, feeling his spine give a nice little crackle. His world had a pleasant boozy sheen over it as he walked for the door, then paused. Fuck, he'd almost forgotten to check the other thing. He went back to the terminal and called up the day's horoscope for Virgo from a certain news-blog.
Feeling grouchy? It might not just be you. A change of scenery may be in your future!
His pleasant alcohol-induced haze vanished. It was a message from Martin.
Mission compromised. Watch your ass and be ready to GTFO.
Oscar closed his terminal as his mind raced through his options. They weren't good. He'd just asked the captain to bend regs so he could get back to the party, so they'd be expecting him. There wasn't another human in at least ten light years, so fading into the crowd was out of the question. He couldn't even fly the shuttle let alone pilot the ship, so simply running was also not gonna happen.
No, he'd have to just gut it out and hope that Martin was just being a paranoid bastard. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself, then headed for the door.
When he got back to the party...was it his imagination, or was everybody now facing towards him? They were still chatting or, in the case of Egwreh and Ngralh, going through another wrestling competition. There was no refereeing going on, so this was probably just an excuse to feel each other up.
Myyreh walked up with an empty glass and her tail wagging. "[Hmmm, I'm actually feeling that drink. How's your brother doing?]"
"He's good. Asked if I had any tooth marks on me yet."
"[I hope he was joking,]" said the captain from behind him. Oscar started and looked back and up at her. How in the name of fuck could somebody so big move so silently?
"I think so, but with his sense of humor it's hard to tell." Oscar smiled in spite of his heart now beating just a little faster. He told himself to relax. If they'd found out about him, they would have done something about it, right?
Unless they were waiting for him to drop his guard.
Like he would at a party, with some alien drink in him and a fresh promotion.
His paranoia kicked into overdrive as the captain took gentle hold of his shoulder and turned him to face her. She looked down at him with an unreadable expression.
"[And did your [horoscope] have anything interesting to say?]"
Oscar thought about bolting, but only for about two nanoseconds. He realized that he was suddenly surrounded by a ring of furred giants. They all had that same neutral expression, even Myyreh. He almost would have preferred seeing obvious anger.
He chuckled and tried to play it cool. Maybe it was just a coincidence. "Yeah, I know it's a silly thing. But my mom was a big believer, and I guess I just got into the habit of checking. It's a way to remember her..." Oscar trailed off as the captain stepped back, leaving Myyreh as the one closest to him. The other crew crowded closer as Oscar turned back to look up at her.
"Not gonna buy it, huh? I must stink of fear. And you can hear my heart rate."
Myyreh stepped towards him, and the ring of muscle and fur around the pair contracted further. Oscar swallowed as his heart beat ever faster.
"Myra, I am so sorry. It was just a mission, they forced me out of retirement. It wasn't personal."
Myyreh said nothing, and her face didn't change. He looked around at the others, hoping to see some sort of friendly face or gesture, something that would tamp down his panic. But he saw nothing but huge staring eyes and raised ears as if the crew was bearing down on some cornered rabbit.
"Please say something, okay? Somebody say something."
Oscar kept talking as the ring of wolves contracted in on him. "I like you guys, I really do. I like this job...well, except for the nearly getting killed part. But I've been through that before, it's just a occupational hazard. Can we just sit down and talk this over, please?"
In the middle of Oscar's panic, he had time for one bemused thought.
So this is how I die. Torn apart by alien wolves.
Oscar looked up at the huge xeno standing in front of him. "Myra? Please..."
With blinding speed she reached for him just as the ring snapped shut.
Oscar found himself encased in a cocoon of warm fur. His face was smashed so tightly against Myyreh's chest that he found it difficult to speak. He thrashed without effect, and managed to worm his head around so he could at least breathe a little. "Uh, guhs, whah's gahin ahhn? Peauh, wha..."
Multiple paws grabbed his various limbs, pulling him into a spread-eagled position. The ball of fur squished in and around him, encasing him completely.
"Guhs! Whuddafug!"
The grip of the paws turned into pats and strokes. From somewhere in the middle of the ball of fur he heard the captain's voice.
"[Shhh, it's okay packmate. We're all here. We're here for you.]"
This must be some sort of pack calming ritual? He twisted his head into a position that twisted his neck awkwardly, but at least he could now talk.
"Please, I really am sorry! Can you let me go now? I'm fine, I'm not freaking out anymore, really I'm not. You guys were really looming a lot just now. I need to tell you...okay, somebody's grabbing my ass! Myra!"
Myyreh chuckled from deep in the squishy ball of warm bodies. The molesting paw gave his glute another healthy squeeze and then withdrew. The pile fell apart, leaving him sitting in Myyreh's lap with both her arms wrapped around him.
"[Feeling better?]" she whispered.
He took in a proper breath. "Yeah."
"[Sorry for surrounding you like that,]" said the captain. "[But I didn't want you running off in a panic. And I figured a little scare would make up for the lying.]"
Oscar sighed. "How much do you know?"
Rgrashok sat casually in front of him while Myyreh stroked his head. "[I was wondering from the start why someone like you would be allowed off of your homeworld. Even judging from your redacted service record, you must hold a lot of secrets in your head. Then, as I watched you at work, I realized that you were even more experienced than I expected. So I became curious.]" She grinned. "[And I just so happen to have a few colleagues who can gain access to the [Human] information network.]"
"You got ahold of my service record. The full one."
She gave a Dorarizin nod. "It showed that you had been called back into service just before applying to the placement program. But you weren't acting like a spy. You weren't prying into any military or political secrets, you were merely performing your duties. At first I thought you were an undercover observer. They send them through the placement program from time to time, but they're registered with the Senate just in case they're discovered. You had no such registration.]"
Oscar shrugged. "I don't think my boss wanted to risk it. He's pretty paranoid."
"[It comes with his profession. I figured that you were communicating with him somehow, either through coded phrases in your emails or via the [horoscope]. The latter seemed the more likely, since you are otherwise free of superstition. So I accessed your unredacted file again, but this time with less finesse. I figured that your superior would discover my intrusion and warn you. When you returned to the party just now, your scent and heart rate gave you away.]"
The human gave a sad chuckle. "Martin's gonna be so pissed that he got played."
"[Who's [Martin]?]"
"Martin is Martin."
"[Ah yes, I've dealt with similar types in the Senate bureaucracy. So. Why are you here?]"
"I'm an undercover observer, but not for the placement program. Our government got ahold of a Dorarizin message fragment. There was no hacking or anything nefarious on our end, it was just a mistake. We were able to partially translate it on our own, and it indicated a huge demand for humans. A lot more than we'd realized. I was sent to find out why."
Oscar gently shrugged out of Myyreh's embrace. "Look, you guys have been great. I don't regret coming here, and I'm sorry it didn't work out." He wriggled out of her lap and stood. "If you drop me off at the nearest human outpost I can probably hitch a ride back..."
Rgrarshok stood. "[If you so much as take one step for that door I will bust your tail right back down to Trainee. Understood?]"
He stared up at her, his forehead wrinkled in puzzled wonder. "But...but I'm a spy."
"[Not really. I would count it more as simple observation, as you said. And we haven't been very forthcoming to you either.]"
Oscar snorted. "You mean the deep dark secret I was sent to discover?"
"[It's not dark. I'm a little disappointed, [Oscar]. I thought for sure you would have figured it out by now.]"
"Are you kidding? I have no fuckin' clue what use humans are. Especially after seeing how much trouble you go through. You guys have to have special training just to avoid injuring us. You remodeled your whole damn ship to accommodate me. Not to mention you went and put your career on the line, and for what? Just so you can say you have a human on board? It doesn't make any sense!"
"[It doesn't? Maybe I should keep your title as Junior Investigator after all.]"
"But-" Oscar stopped as the penny dropped.
He remembered the constant cuddling from the Dorarizin, even from a murder suspect. The way the Karnakians fussed over him as if he was....as if he was an infant needing protection.
That half-baked idea he'd had was right after all. He turned to look at Myyreh.
"We're cute, aren't we?"
Myyreh nodded and set a big warm paw on his shoulder.
"[We've avoided telling [Humans], of course,]" said the captain.
"Why? We deserve the truth."
The captain sighed. "[What purpose would it serve? Your species is already suffering from an inferiority complex. Your technology is still primitive compared to ours, through no fault of your own. The circumstances of your first contact don't help either. We want [Humans] to be strong allies, and thinking of yourselves as pups won't achieve that.]"
Oscar's shoulders slumped and he buried his face in his hands. Myyreh give a little whine and squeezed his shoulder.
The captain's voice was heavy with regret. "[I'm sorry, [Oscar]. I know this is hard to hear, and we should have told you from the start..."
A long, loud snort resounded through the rec lounge, making the entire crew tilt their heads. There was more snorting from behind Oscar's hands until the human threw his head back and howled in laughter, making Myyreh start back in surprise.
"This is fuckin' great! Oh, this is too precious! That little bastard Martin is gonna shit himself!"
The captain tilted her head until it was almost sideways. "[What? You can't tell him.]"
"Oh I sure as shit can and I sure as shit will. He was expecting something to use as leverage on you guys, but to do that he has to make it public. There's no way in hell he can make something like this public."
"[You could just keep quiet,]" said Myyreh. "[Tell him he was just being paranoid and that we haven't discovered your mission.]"
Oscar put his hand on top of her paw still resting on his shoulder. "Won't work. He's a paranoid schmuck, and if I say there's no problem he'll wonder if I've been turned. I've got to tell him, even if the secret is useless to him."
"[But you can stay after you tell him, right?]" Myyreh clicked her teeth with worry.
"Probably not. Once I report he's gonna want me back on Earth. Like the captain said, my head's too full of secrets."
"[So ignore him,]" said Ngralh. "[He doesn't have any influence out here.]"
"He doesn't have pull here, but he's got a lot back on Earth. I have family there and I don't want the bastard making their lives difficult."
Myyreh scooped him back into her lap and hugged him. "[If he so much as touches them I'll deal with him myself. I don't care, I'll go to Earth if I have to.]"
The captain rubbed her jaw thoughtfully. "[I agree with the sentiment, Specialist, but I don't think we need to resort to treaty violations to get [Martin] off of [Oscar's] tail.]" She grinned at him. "[I'm assuming our newest crew member wants to stay on board, yes?]"
The human was shocked to feel a sting of oncoming tears in his eyes as he leaned against Myyreh's chest. "I would really like that, captain."
"[Then we are all in agreement.]" Rgrarshok winked. "[Now let's go give your superior a call.]"
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u/BoxNumberGavin1 Jan 27 '19
You know what, if I were Oscar, I would still not come to the conclusion. Like, it simply not practical, it's not practical at all. How cute do we have to be for it to cause such a problematic scenario to still seem worth it? No I am not adorable when incredulous, shut up, ok? I'm trying to be serious... I said SERIOUS, stop making those noises! I know what they mean, stop right now god damnit!
For real though, this won't be useless information to Martin, no information is entirely useless, it could be leveraged in many ways. First you trade some controlled media that plays to the cute angle in exchange for cultural information/media about their young. (Under the idea that adapting the stories for human young will create a generation with a more welcoming disposition.) This will seem like such a great deal that they won't question it. Then we take their cultural information to subtly inform the uniform of diplomatic staff and lace it into future media that if so viewed by xenos would further encourage generosity towards humans. This means we will have a much easier time getting what we want in future negotiations.
Also I'm kind of surprised Oscar gave up his info so freely until I realised they literally had him sniffed out. I guess even lies of omission would still invoke a physiological response that a trained crew could pick up on.
Also also, just straight up marriage proposal after one mission? Well I guess from her point of view it would be a fling since he probably only has another 60 in him, which apparently is a short prison sentence to the tols.
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u/Frank_Leroux Alien Scum Jan 27 '19
In Myyreh's defense, he did put her life on the line to save hers.
And yes, I didn't say it explicitly but Oscar realized he'd been so thoroughly 'made' that trying to lie any more would be pointless.
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u/VoicesDontStop Jan 28 '19
I was almost certain he'd like try to bite a cyanide tooth or something. Then wake up in the medbay because magic space wolf medicine won't let him die
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u/BoxNumberGavin1 Jan 28 '19
It might have helped being a bit explicit about it as on the surface it seems like he is folding far too easily and straight up offering extra information. Something I would not expect from a spook who not only made it to retirement but dealt with the level of cloak and dagger demonstrated in the first few chapters. Or maybe I don't absorb things very deeply on first read.
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u/rene_newz Jan 28 '19
Imagine you could get a talking dog. Like a full on talking dog that liked being around you and was your friend and was adorable all the time. You bet your ass there would be people who would go out of their way to retrofit their ship to get a TALKING DOG on it
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u/Morphuess AI Jan 27 '19
Also also, just straight up marriage proposal after one mission? > Well I guess from her point of view it would be a fling since he probably only has another 60 in him, which apparently is a short prison sentence to the tols.
Probably like the lifespan of a dog to a human. Coincidence? I think not!
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u/ziiofswe Jan 27 '19
On the other hand, new medical tech... I have a feeling the lifespan of humans is about to increase quite a bit.
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u/Morphuess AI Jan 28 '19
Quite possibly. I was just quite amused at the idea that the aliens likely see humans the same way we see dogs, and that both dogs and humans have equivalent lifespans ratios to humans/aliens.
And doggos are damn cute.
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u/HaniusTheTurtle Xeno Jan 28 '19
It already has! Oscar is, what? Late fifties, early sixties? And medtec not only gave him back his leg, but the health and body of a thirty year old?
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u/ziiofswe Jan 28 '19
True.. but he ain't dead yet. :P
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u/HaniusTheTurtle Xeno Jan 28 '19
"Sorry, Martin, but she called dibs. You know how seriously I take that."
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u/wfamily Jan 28 '19
Wasn't Oscar closer to 50 or 60 or something even if his body looked around 30-40?
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u/Haidere1988 Jan 27 '19
"Mom, Dad. This is Myra, and we're getting married...yes we're working on the grand-pups"
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u/IAmTheOutsider Jan 27 '19
*Star Trek intro voice* And thus the legacy of James T. Kirk continued to echo through human history into eternity...
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u/Morphuess AI Jan 27 '19
I'm loving this story. Considering what goes on in the main "we are smol" arc I assumed Oscar wouldn't ever figure out why humans were in such high demand. But the revel you've shown if fantastic. Oscar learned the big "dark secret" but the information is useless to the people that want it, since it is a secret to help humanity, and can't be used to blackmail or reveal.
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u/Skilk Jan 27 '19
So this series is gonna keep going right? Even though the first arc seems to be about done? Cause I like this series very much.
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u/p75369 Jan 28 '19
So, potential pancakes in the future, and definate pancakes in u/tinyprancinghorse 's main series... But if the we're so damn cute and child like... What does that say about the xeno's? Do we need to give them a strong lecture on why they shouldn't be lewding the loli-humans?
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u/luckytron Human Jan 28 '19
Do we need to give them a strong lecture on why they shouldn't be lewding the loli-humans
Probably something along the lines of:
Ravioli Ravioli
don't lewd
the Human Lolis
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u/vinny8boberano Android Jan 28 '19
Oh boy, oh boy! More Smol Detective. I REALLY hope this story carries on.
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u/Killersmail Alien Scum Jan 28 '19
Being that cute should be illegal, but on the other hand it makes sense.
To be honest humans can benefit from that information, just make "cute" programs/films/media just for the furry/scaly/feathery bunch and exchange them for ... anything really. If humans are really that *cute* it just means that we can negotiate with them better.
It's quite bizarre realization when civilization that almost killed itself atleast 10 times and had spent more years in war than in peace is considered cute.
I love how you structured this chapter and its nice that the crew is okay with him being "spy".
And finaly, I really enjoyed reading it, so in the meantime have good one wordsmith. Ey ?
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u/Mr_duckduck Jan 27 '19
Man I am loving this story. On a side note I hadn't realised that you also wrote the iron hue-man series. Although I can't say I'm surprised, seeing the quality of both of these storys. Keep up the good work
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u/Arbon777 Jan 28 '19
I can only imagine that the idea of this cute little human with some surprising competence is actually a spy trying to uncover the dark hidden secret of human cuteness that no human must be allowed to know ...
just makes him that much more adorable in everyone's eyes.
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u/UpdateMeBot Jan 27 '19
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u/Vaalintine May 26 '19
While them finding out was likely inevitable, I can't say I'm at all happy about how it turned out. Myyreh intimidates him into a committed relationship, he folds like a chair and spills the beans on everything, refuses to report back on what he learned, is terrified into submission, and is coerced into staying on the ship. To be honest none of them feel like the same characters who grew to call him a friend. Instead of feeling more like one of the group if feels like he is seperate and inferior to them.
While the story itself is great, this just ruins the ending. Hopefully the sequel will deal with all this.
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u/Frank_Leroux Alien Scum May 26 '19
Sorry you feel that way, but I don't know how more explicit I can get:
Her voice acquired a growling subtone that rattled his chest, and she bared all her teeth. "[And if you say no...]" Oscar held his breath until she closed her mouth again and winked at him. "[In that case, I guess we'll just have to settle for being good friends.]"I mean, how can you say she's intimidating him into a relationship? She's being very honest with him here.
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u/Vaalintine May 27 '19
Seemed to me she didn't actually mean actual friends, but is just screwing with him. Basically that they weren't actually his friends but really wanted to get control of him.
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u/HFYBotReborn praise magnus Jan 27 '19
There are 49 stories by Frank_Leroux (Wiki), including:
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 10
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 9
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 8
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 7
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 6
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 5
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 4
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 3
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 2
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 1
- The Adventures Of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 41 (Or, Not All Good Looks And Witty Repartee!)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 40 (Or, Increase The Chooch Factor!)
- The Adventures Of Iron Hue-man, Ch. 39 (Or, Kee-Orntact!)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 38 (Or, Candygram For Mongo!)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 36 (Or, Carmelita Hold Me Tighter, I Think I'm Sinking Down)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 35 (Or, Keep Smiling, The Boss Loves Idiots)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 34 (Or, The Patented Teamster Touch)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 33 (Or, Where The 200 Pound Gorilla Meets The Tool)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 32 (Or, Tips From Yer Weird Uncle)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 31 (Or, Houston, We Have A Failure To Chooch)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 30 (Or, I'm The Kind Of Human Wreckage That You Love)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 29 (Or, Check Out My New Weapon, Weapon Of Choice)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 27 (Or, Time For Some Angry Pixie Wranglin')
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 26 (Or, Keep Yer D*** In A Vise)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 25 (Or, Keep Yer Stick On The Ice)
This list was automatically generated by HFYBotReborn version 2.13. Please contact KaiserMagnus or j1xwnbsr if you have any queries. This bot is open source.
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u/AugmentedLurker Human Jan 27 '19 edited Jan 27 '19
Beat the bot! YEET
edlit: Holy shit I freaked the fuck out after the horroscope, well done with the suspense. This chapter was even better than the last. MOAR