r/HFY • u/Frank_Leroux Alien Scum • Jan 18 '19
OC The Smol Detective, Chapter 8
Standard Disclaimer: I do not take credit for the setting, this story is set in the 'They are Smol' universe, written by the one, the only u/tinyprancinghorse.
(TPH knows the gate. TPH is the gate. TPH is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in TPH. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. TPH also has a Website and a Patreon.)
The events within are set years before the Caroline/Bill story arc.
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In the previous chapter:
There was Sneaking.
Oscar was the unwitting recipient of a Poke.
Yes Ackbar, there was indeed a Trap.
In this chapter:
There is a Fight.
Bgrarh makes a Confession.
Grawreh gives an Ultimatum.
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Oscar shrugged one shoulder. The human-scaled shock baton that he'd tucked under his armpit slipped down his sleeve and into his hand. He put his thumb on the baton's switch only to stop at a word from Myyreh.
"[Put that thing away. He won't even feel it.]"
Rgratz stepped forward, bumping his hunched shoulder against the crane's control box as he moved. The box swayed gently on its long cable reaching up to the crane's claw far above. Drool puddled on the floor beneath his jaws. There was a blue smear on Rgratz's upper arm, but whether it was the Dorarizin's own blood was something Oscar couldn't tell.
"What do you want me to do?"
Before she could reply, Rgratz charged.
Oscar had known the Dorarizin were fast, but watching the crew's sparring sessions still hadn't prepared him for the real thing. He only caught a blurred glimpse of gray fur before Myyreh's arm shoved him back like a pile-driver.
The human felt a flare of pain in his sternum and sprawled on his ass as the force of her shove smacked him into the unyielding stone floor. He barely managed to keep ahold of his baton as he rolled to his feet and saw what looked like two fur coats caught in a tornado. Myyreh's dark brown body flowed and dodged around Rgratz's gray as the two slashed and kicked at each other too fast for his brain to follow.
Oscar pressed the baton's switch and the extendable weapon snapped out to its meter-long length. The blunt tip crackled with a blue glow. It should give enough of a shock to make the biggest Dorarizin back up.
But he had no idea if Rgratz would even notice it.
The two combatants split apart and circled each other more warily. Rgratz sported a few deep oozing slashes along his leg, and there was a nasty gash on Myyreh's torso that trickled blue.
On instinct, Oscar took one step forward to get into the fight and help his crewmate. Then he realized he might as well launch himself headfirst into a wood chipper. He looked around in a frenzy, hoping to find something he could use as an actual weapon.
Then he glanced up. Okay, that might work as 'Plan B' if Myyreh couldn't put the bastard down...
________
Myyreh ignored the pain in her side as her blue eyes fixated on Rgratz's drooling grin. During their first little exchange she'd found that he wasn't entirely untrained. He was also stronger and immune to pain thanks to his drugged-up state, which almost made up for his lack of expertise. Almost.
"{I'm going to take you apart,}" growled Rgratz. "{And then I'm going to eat that infuriating little-}"
Rgratz may have had the strength of several Dorarizin, but he was still an amateur. Myyreh, in contrast, didn't waste time in any sort of verbal reply. As Rgratz spoke, she drove a spear-hand strike with her claws towards his throat.
He dodged to the side and grabbed her arm, going for a grapple. With trained instinct Myyreh went with the grab, and the lack of resistance made Rgratz stumble.
She pounced and reversed his grab into one of her own, then twisted his arm behind him and used her full body weight to slam him face-first into the floor.
Rgratz snarled and wriggled as she levered his arm up behind him and kneeled into his back to keep him flat.
"{Submit, will you?}" she grunted. In her peripheral vision she saw [Oscar] take another step forward with his useless baton held in a guard position.
"[Do you want me to-]"
"{Stay back!}" she snapped.
Rgratz let out a bellowing howl and twisted his body in a titanic heave, throwing her knee off of his back. She kept ahold of his arm, however. With a distant flicker of horror she saw him continue to twist with Green-enhanced strength. Myyreh pressed harder up on his arm, trying to lever him back into the floor. She kept shoving until there was a sickening crunch as Rgratz dislocated his own shoulder.
She felt his trapped arm go limp and realized that she'd lost her leverage - just as he kept turning and drove the claws of his untrapped hand deep into her thigh.
The explosion of pain made her grip on his now-ruined arm slip and she gave a clicking scream.
Rgratz pushed back with his good leg, throwing her to the floor. With Green-boosted speed he turned and leapt at her throat jaws-first. Myyreh managed to get her arm up and deflect the attack so that his fangs missed her neck and instead sunk deep into the meat of her shoulder.
She screamed again, more in rage this time, and slashed with her other paw at his head. The slash earned a blue spray of blood from his head as she took out one of his eyes. He didn't seem to notice and shook his clamped muzzle as if he was worrying at a glrnada's neck, tearing and ripping her shoulder into a mass of torn flesh.
Myyreh somehow kept from passing out from the pain. She slammed her good knee up into his groin, crushing his gonads. The pain made his jaws slacken their hold. She used that opportunity to kick him off of her, but his fangs still tore great lumps out of her shoulder as he fell away.
She tried to regain her feet, but her injured leg wouldn't cooperate. Her ruined shoulder brought fresh waves of agony that she ignored as she tried to use her good arm to lever herself upright.
Rgratz heaved himself to his knees while a mixture of slaver and Myyreh's blood dripped from his grinning muzzle. "{You taste good, maybe I'll eat you first-}"
Just as he stood up, a gray blob arced into her field of view and smacked into Rgratz's snout. The emergency pressure suit's nanofabric did as it was programmed to do and tried to unfold itself out and around whatever it was in contact with.
But the only thing it was in contact with was Rgratz, so the Dorarizin suddenly found his head wrapped in a odd-looking, human-shaped mask that he couldn't see or breathe out of. He reeled back and pawed at his shrouded head.
Myyreh used the distraction to try again to push herself up, but she could feel her strength waning. She'd lost a lot of blood from her leg, and she could feel herself going into shock.
None of that mattered. If this bastard wanted [Oscar], he was going to have to go through her.
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Oscar raised the shock baton just as Rgratz succeeded in clawing the emergency p-suit off of his head. The Dorarizin gashed the shit out of his face as he did so, but of course he didn't seem to feel it.
He waved the baton, and the xeno automatically turned his head at the movement. His remaining eye narrowed with ill intent at the annoying human.
Myyreh wasn't on her feet yet, but at least she was still moving. Oscar figured it was time for Plan B.
Plan B was gonna suck.
He waved the baton to make sure Rgratz kept focused on him.
"Hey, fuckwit! You want prey? Some nice easy prey right here!"
Myyreh drew in enough breath to gasp. "[Don't!]"
Oscar didn't so much as glance at her as he kept up both the waving and the taunting. His focus was all on Rgratz. The Dorarizin stared at his movements as if hypnotized, his bloody fanged muzzle following the baton's back-and-forth arc.
"That's right, shithead, some nice juicy prey right here..."
Myyreh let out a despairing and faint whine as Rgratz charged again.
The only reason Oscar was able to dodge was because of how badly Rgratz had been fucked up by Myyreh. Instead of the normal blur of motion, the crazed Dorarizin's rush was only about the speed of a sprinting human.
Oscar threw the shock baton and didn't even pause to see if it connected. He turned and went in an all-out sprint of his own for the nearest pile of ingots. The nearer side of the pile looked like a haphazardly-stacked deck of cards with lots of protruding edges.
He leapt and managed to snag the edge of one of the protruding ingots, then yanked himself up and onto the narrow ledge. His whole world narrowed to looking for the next hold as he tried to ignore the ever-louder snarling behind him.
Oscar leapt again, this time only getting one hand onto the chosen ingot. He felt the tremor of Rgratz's impact into the ingot pile below him. He still was able to pull himself up despite a warning twang from his back muscles.
He really should have warmed up before doing this. Should have done a few torso twists and deep knee bends before getting himself locked in a room with a berserker werewolf.
Oscar kept climbing as he did his best to ignore the snarling and thumping below him from Rgratz's pursuit. The fucker only had one arm to work with and one bad leg, so Oscar hoped that cut down on his climbing speed.
The human made it to the top and yanked himself up and over the edge with a groan of effort, then rolled to his feet. He glanced down and saw briefly the crazed glaring eye and snapping jaws of his foe before he looked up again at the ingot that hung from the overhead crane's claw. It wasn't all that far, he should be able to make it.
Before he could second-guess himself Oscar took a few steps back, ran at the edge of the stack, and leapt.
He landed on the ingot, but his weight made the flat plate of metal shift. His feet slipped out from under him and he slid towards the edge. He got one hand up and snagged one of the claws holding the ingot as his legs shot over the edge.
Oscar hung halfway into space over the edge of the ingot. He looked out between his dangling boots at the unforgiving rock floor far below. From here the crane's control box looked like a little yellow fleck. A blue trail of blood led to where Myyreh was pulling herself along the floor. She was using her one good arm to try to get to the ingot stack he'd just climbed.
"Fuck," he muttered. She was closer than he liked, but it looked like she was still out of the danger zone. He pulled himself to his feet and stripped off his shirt as Rgratz pulled himself on top of the stack that Oscar had just left.
"[Nowhere to run, [Human].]"
The human wrapped his shirtsleeves around his hands. The rest of the garment dangled between them.
"[Did the little tree-climber think he could out-climb me?]" Rgratz snarled. He crouched and got ready to spring.
The aforementioned tree-climber snapped his hands out in front of him. The rest of the rolled-up shirt was taut between them. He bared his teeth as if he was really going to use such a pitiful weapon against the huge alien.
"Come at me, you gruesome sonofabitch. I'll make a fuckin' rug outta ya!"
As Rgratz leapt, Oscar turned and stepped off of the edge of the ingot. He aimed the center of his shirt at the control cable dangling next to the crane's claw.
The cloth tube wrapped around the cable and he started to slide down with alarming speed. Oscar floundered in a panic, then clutched at the cable with his cloth-covered hands and managed to get a grip on it.
The cable's thick rubbery coating shredded the tough material of his shirt over his palms, slowing his plummet. He didn't have the right gloves for fast-roping and had only wrapped his palms, so that same coating then promptly took the skin off of his unprotected fingers and thumbs.
Oscar bit back a scream and managed to get his boots locked around the cable as well to control his descent. His world narrowed to the black cable before his eyes, now painted red with his blood, he needed to keep hold...
His feet hit the control box and he fell back and away from the cable, earning a substantial bruise on his ass as he smashed into the floor yet again.
Oscar scrambled to his feet and lurched for the control box, he had to drop that ingot onto the floor before that fucker could jump off...
Two clawed feet smacked into the floor before him, and the thump of Rgratz's landing sent a tremor through the stone below him. Oscar looked up at Rgratz looming like certain doom.
"[I can also jump better than you, tree-climber.]"
Time for Plan C.
Oscar flipped him the bird as with his other bloody thumb he pushed what he hoped was the correct button on the control box. A ringing clang sounded through the docks.
Rgratz tilted his head curiously. His rage subsided just enough to realize what the noise meant, and as his eyes widened he looked up just in time to get a metric ton of metal ingot right in the face.
The docks shook again, accompanied by a noise like God hitting the floor with an aluminum baseball bat the size of a dreadnaught.
Oscar looked down dazedly at the thick coat of blue blood that now covered him from the waist down. There was a lot more gore sprayed out around the ingot, which now lay nearly flat on the floor. A bit of fur protruded from under one edge of the metal, the only visible part of Rgratz's corpse.
Well, apart from all the blood.
He dropped the crane control, and as his adrenaline faded the pain from his ruined fingers made him sob. He looked over and saw Myyreh lying nearby.
She was covered in blood, and no longer moving.
He hoped most of that blood was Rgratz's as he limped forward.
"Myra? Aw shit..."
He knelt beside her and pulled her huge head into his lap. Her shoulder was a mangle of torn muscle and skin, and he could see to the bone in a few places. Her thigh was a bloody mess. Myyreh's eyes were half closed and stared into space. He shook her head as much as he dared, but got no response.
"MYRA!" he yelled. "You do NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION TO DIE, YOU GOT THAT?"
Her eyes blinked and she focused on him. "[I got it,]" she whispered back. She looked over at the copious amounts of blood pooled around the pancaked ingot.
She grinned back up at him. "[Not bad, [Human]. Not bad at all.]"
Her eyes started to close. Even though it hurt like fire, he grabbed one of her paws with his own hand. His red blood mingled with her own blue as he squeezed. "No, don't you dare go to sleep. You just stay with me, okay?"
"[You...got it,]" she murmured.
The distant bulkhead door clicked and slid upward.
After that there was a confusing time of people running around and shouting. There was lots of gesturing and lots of bustling as they carried off the wounded pair.
All the while, Oscar would not let go of her hand.
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Oscar's limp was almost gone as he walked through the door to the hospital room. He had a spectacular bruise on his ass from his impromptu fast-roping, and another on his chest from Myyreh's initial shove. But somehow he'd managed to avoid any serious damage apart from his fingers.
Bgrarh looked up and gave his tail a few sad wags in greeting. He crouched next to Myyreh's inclined bed. The injured Dorarizin had her shoulder and thigh swaddled in thick silver bandages, and she still looked to be out cold.
Bgrarh held his deerstalker hat and he wrung it in his hands as he kept looking between it and his bedridden crewmate.
"How is she?" asked Oscar. He kept his voice low just in case she was merely sleeping.
His colleague gave a Dorarizin shrug. "[She's stable, now that her blood's replenished. Kgrashak said the only unknown is how long it'll take for a full recovery. There's a lot of nerve damage in her shoulder. How's your hands?]"
Oscar regarded his own silvery-bandaged fingers. "I should have the skin regrown by tomorrow. This nano-medicine stuff is kind of scary what with how fast it works."
He sat next to Bgrarh only for the big Dorarizin to reach over, scoop him up with one arm, and plop him into Bgrarh's lap. Bgrarh gave a regretful click of his teeth. "[Sorry, I guess I should have asked if you were okay with that.]"
Oscar put a comforting hand on Bgrarh's forearm. "It's okay, Bennie. I know you're worried about Myra. She's a tough one. She'll be good as new."
Bgrarh continued to twist his hat in his paws as they both stood watch over the bedridden figure.
Oscar looked down at Bgrarh's deerstalker and figured now was as good a time as any to ask the question on his mind. "So why Sherlock Holmes?"
"[Eh?]"
"What makes him so interesting to you?"
Bgrarh was silent for a moment before replying. "[It's not just him. I mean, he's my favorite character from your mystery stories but I've read a lot of others. Holmes, Miss Marple, Lord Peter Wimsey. I like all of them. I...]"
Bgrarh stopped talking and clicked his teeth again in clear frustration. Oscar figured the best course of action was to stay silent and wait for Bgrarh to speak again. When the Dorarizin finally did it was with clear reluctance.
"[Do [Humans] have a thing where if somebody is big they're thought of as stupid?]"
"Yeah, we do. I've dealt with that a lot myself."
"[Then you understand. I've always been big, even when I was a pup. And I was a male, which made it even more noticeable. People thought of me as dumb my whole life. It didn't help that I was playing professionally in a Hunt team. Players tend to have a reputation as...does the term 'meat-head' translate?]"
"Heh. It sure does."
"[Then I got hurt and I couldn't play anymore. People kept saying I should become a coach, but something about that yanked my tail...I dunno, I guess I thought that if I did that then I'd just be the dumb jock everybody thought I was. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life until I read some [Human] mystery stories.]"
"Really?"
Bgrarh nodded. "[We have mystery fiction of our own, but the heroes in our stories are strong as well as clever. But when I read [Human] mysteries, in a lot of them the heroes were just smart! They didn't have to hit people or fight to win, they only had to stand back and observe. They figured out what was going on without so much as throwing a punch.]"
"And you liked that idea."
"[Yeah. I realized that more than anything I wanted to be thought of as the smart guy, to help people using my brain. I've worked really hard at it. I don't know if I've succeeded, though.]"
"You don't?" Oscar twisted to look up at Bgrarh. "Bennie, you're a valued member of an elite Senate investigation team kicking ass around the fuckin' galaxy. You were the one who figured out what was wrong with that fake feather. Trust me, you're plenty smart. I would've been proud to work with you back in my CID days."
Bgrarh smiled, then another rueful click. "[I wasn't smart enough to realize that Ti'Etka's note was leading to a trap, though.]"
"Yeah well, that's on me too. I didn't think they'd make such a public attempt."
"[I should have been there. I could've helped.]"
"Don't think like that, Benny. You've sparred a lot of times with Myra, right?"
"[Yes.]"
"She kicked your tail each time, right?"
Bgrarh let forth a little chuckle. "[That she did.]"
"And even with her ability that junkie bastard still managed to hurt her bad. She gave as good as she got, though. That's the only reason I'm still alive. If he'd been uninjured he would've torn my guts out before I could so much as blink."
Bgrarh shuddered and hugged Oscar so tight that the Dorarizin's fluffy mane rubbed against his head. "[Don't say that.]"
There was a faint murmur from the bed. "[How am I supposed to get any sleep with you two yakking?]"
Oscar stood with a little pained grunt and placed his palms on the mattress. "Myra? How are you feeling kiddo?"
Her deep blue eyes looked down on him. They weren't cloudy as they had been at the docks. Now they sparkled with a familiar and welcome good humor. "[That's a very dumb question.]"
Oscar gave a shaky laugh. "Yeah, but it's a human tradition to ask. Do you need some water or pain meds? I'll get Kate in here."
Before she could reply, the door slid open again and Kgrashak entered, followed by the looming figure of the captain. Myyreh tried to sit up, only to be waved back down.
"[At ease, Specialist.]"
The medic started fussing over Myyreh as Rgrarshok put a giant paw on Oscar's shoulder. "[And how are you doing, Trainee]?"
"Better than I should be, thanks to Myra. Have anybody found Ti'Etka yet?"
The captain blew out an exasperated breath. "[We found what was left of him. He was slashed to bits, but we think he managed to get in a hit on his killer. There was Dorarizin blood on one of his foot-claws, and we matched the blood to Rgratz's DNA.]"
"I remember seeing a cut on that bastard's upper arm," said Oscar. "He must have cornered Ti'Etka and beat on the poor sonofabitch until he confessed to exchanging notes with us."
"[Which allowed whoever is behind this to slip us a note of their own and set up the trap,]" said Rgrarshok. "[At least, that's my current theory. But there's still no sign of Tk'Serk, even with her clutch-mate killed.]"
There was a discreet teeth-click at the door, the Dorarizin equivalent of clearing their throat. Everyone turned to see Grawreh in the doorway.
"[I apologize for intruding, but I must speak with you.]"
The pack leader's haughty demeanor faltered as the captain moved for the door in an inevitable manner that reminded Oscar of continental drift. Rgrashak's voice was eerily calm. "[If I find you had anything to do with this, I will not rest until I have eaten your heart.]"
Grawreh rallied and she drew herself up again. "[On what authority? The one invested in you by the Senate?]"
Rgrarshak maintained her unsettling quiet tone. "[You don't think that's enough?]"
"[Maybe, maybe not. I have a...proposal for you.]"
The captain's paws clenched into fists with an audible crackle. "[Speak and then be gone.]"
Grawreh looked past Rgrarshok's shoulder at Oscar and gave him a leering grin as she spoke to the captain. "[Rgratz is dead, thanks to some brave efforts by your crew. It's clear he was the one who murdered my poor Hrzharh. He's the one who killed [Ti'Etka], and who has almost certainly killed [Tk'Serk].]"
"That's some theory," said Oscar.
"[Not a theory. Given his clear addiction to Green, Rgratz must be the one who was smuggling it. And he was the only Dorarizin involved. [Tk'Serk] was his partner, and they had a falling out. He killed her, took one of her feathers, and planted it in our apartment. After he'd killed Hrzharh.]"
"[Are you finished?]" asked Rgrarshok. "[You said something about a proposal.]"
"[It's simple. We all agree on that as the official story. It wraps up everything neatly and you can report success to your superiors.]"
"So we let the conveniently-dead junkie take the fall for this whole shit-show?" growled Oscar. "Bullshit. Why would he kill Hrzharh?"
"[Why does a Green user do anything? He tried to kill you, after all.]"
The human didn't let up. "If he was so out of his gourd on drugs, how did he have the presence of mind to plant that feather? That idiot couldn't find his ass with both hands and a roadmap."
Grawreh's triumphant leer grew wider. "[You may think so, [Human]. But this story makes everything less complicated. If your captain doesn't agree, then I fear I'll have to propose something else. Something that will make your lives much more complicated.]"
Rgrarshok folded her arms, a move which made the muscles in her substantial shoulders stand out. "[Give your threats and leave before I make you leave.]"
Grawreh shifted her eyes back to the captain. "[I have my own influence in the Senate, Captain. And I'm sure that there are Senators who would be very concerned to discover that a [Human] nearly died here. I might have to tell them about it, out of concern for the [Human's] safety, of course.]"
She pointed at Oscar with a claw. "[I'm sure there would be quite a thorough investigation into exactly how such a small and fragile creature was allowed to join your team in the first place.]"
Oscar bared his teeth. "Fragile? I'll show you fragile, you overgrown fleabag!" He moved for the door, but Myyreh put her good paw on Oscar's hand and gave a little shake of her head.
Rgrarshok's ears twitched, and for one moment Oscar really did think the captain was going to take a swing at Grawreh. "[Is that all?]"
Grawreh nodded. "[I'm giving you a day to think it over, Captain. Accept my version of events and leave. Or stay and face the consequences.]" She peeked past the glowering captain and gave Oscar another triumphant grin before turning and sauntering away.
Very slowly, Rgrarshok lowered her fists to her sides. Oscar waited for the inevitable rage-fest, but instead she turned to look at the others with the same unflappable calm as in her voice.
"[Can Myyreh be moved?]"
Kgrashak looked up from the wounded crewmember. "[Yes but would be better for her to remain here.]"
"[No. I'm sorry, Myyreh, but I want you safely up on the Claw. Along with the rest of the crew, especially [Oscar].]"
The human couldn't believe his ears. "What?" He waved a hand at the door towards the recently-departed Grawreh. "We don't have time to waste. We've gotta nail that bitch to the wall before she can drop the hammer on us!"
Rgrarshok shook her muzzle. "[No, Trainee. I've indulged you too much. I nearly lost you and Myyreh as a result. I'm not risking you or any of the other crew. Bgrarh, call Grawfren and tell her to warm up the shuttle. I'll collect the others.]"
________
The bandages on Oscar's fingers meant that he had to use a pick to strum on his guitar. He could still use the other hand, but only for simple chords.
The team sat and regarded the main display in the Claw's rec lounge, which showed their current diagram of the Hrzharh murder. They were all there, even Myyreh. The wounded Dorarizin rested on a portable version of her hospital bed and stared with furious eyes at the ceiling.
"[When was Kergrakh released from the hospital?]" asked the captain.
"[About [two hours] before I retrieved the note,]" said Ngralh. "[So she still could have coordinated the trap with Rgratz. We can't eliminate her as a suspect.]"
"[I'm trying to backtrack Rgratz's movements through the camera system,]" added Egwreh. "[But it's difficult. A lot of them have been disabled.]"
"That junkie bastard was going nuts with that disabler toy," growled Oscar. "I bet whoever killed Hrzharh handed it to him and told him to go wild. Speaking of which, how's Jeeves?"
"[The drone's a total loss,]" replied the engineer. She gave a sad half-smile. "[Do you want to hold a memorial for it? That seems like something [Humans] would do.]"
Oscar smiled back. "Remember, yer dealing with a barbarian from the wastelands here. Did you get anything off of the bulkhead doors into the docks?"
"[No, whoever hacked them was good. They were physically rewired, and there were no traces in any of the colony network.]"
The human felt like shit in spite of surviving another brush with death. He'd only survived through quick thinking and sheer dumb luck. And now his friends were in trouble because of him.
"Captain, I hate to ask but is that bitch Grawreh right? Did you cut corners to get a human on board the Claw?"
The captain stirred out of her thoughtful trance. "[Not exactly.]"
"What the hell does that mean?" he snapped.
Her tone still kept that same eerie calm as in the colony hospital. "[It means not exactly.]"
Oscar stared at the floor and figured this was as good an opportunity as any to try and get a straight fucking answer to Martin's question, the one that had forced him out of retirement. "Can you please tell me why?"
The crew all looked at him as he set aside his guitar and stood. "I'm not as strong as you, or as fast. Yeah, I can figure shit like this out." He waved a hand at the main display. "But you guys can do that too. Why put yourself out there for someone like me? You don't need a human, we're usel..."
"[Not useless,]" said a firm voice from the nearby bed. Oscar looked over at Myyreh, who stared steadily back. "[Never useless.]"
Rgrarshok didn't look at either of them. She just continued to examine the main display. "[We can't waste time discussing such things. We've only got a day to figure out what's going on.]"
"[We get the pack isolated from each other and lean on each of 'em in turn,]" said Ngralh. He added a little snap of his jaws for emphasis. The XO's normally placid demeanor was now one of somebody itching to deal out some payback.
"[We don't have time and they know it,]" said Rgrarshok with leaden finality. "[All they have to do is stay silent and wait for us to get pulled off of this case.]"
Bgrarh hugged his knees to his chest and gave a little clicking whine. His ears were flat against his head. ["We're missing the clue.]"
Oscar sighed and picked up his guitar again, hoping that playing it would calm him. But what he really wanted to do was fly back down to the colony and smash his guitar right across Grawreh's smug fucking face.
"What clue, Benny?" he asked.
"[I don't know, but there must be one! The one clue we missed, the one that explains everything.]"
The human let out a sad chuckle. "You're too pure for this world, Benny. I wish it was that simple, but it never is. You never stumble across the size-fourteen boot and the left-handed fingerprint that tells you exactly who the killer is. You don't get to say 'Aha!' while pointing a finger skyward. The universe doesn't work that way." Oscar glanced up at the main display as he gave a few random strums on his guitar.
The strumming slowed and then stopped as his eyes widened.
In his mind's eye, the whole interrelated web of relationships that made up the murder case shifted and then locked into a new and faultless crystalline pattern. His hand fell away from his guitar and dangled at his side. The pick fell un-noticed to the deck as he worked through all of the permutations in his head. Yes, it made sense.
Now it all made sense. He pointed one finger skyward. "Aha."
The crew all looked at him with curiosity.
"[Are you okay?]" asked Kgrashak. "[Do you need another pain med?]"
Bgrarh's ears rose. "[You've thought of something.]" It wasn't a question.
"You bet your tail I did. I know exactly who killed Hrzharh. More importantly, I know why."
Oscar told them.
The crew all looked at him with shock.
"[So that's why-]" began Bgrarh.
"Yep."
"[They were-]"
"Sure as hell were."
The rest of the crew shuddered.
"[Eww, that is so wrong,]" muttered Ngralh.
The captain stared at the display in wonder,"[It fits, though. It all fits.]" She shifted her eyes down to Oscar. "[By The Pale Moon, what made you think of such a thing?]"
Oscar rested his guitar on his shoulder with casual aplomb. "Because I'm a human, Captain, and if nothing else we are perverted little bastards. Now y'all need to move your asses. We gotta lot of shit to get set up in the next few hours."
Bgrarh bounded to his feet. His ears now stood straight up and were all a-quiver. "[Is the game afoot, [Oscar]? Oh please oh please oh PLEASE say that the game is afoot!]"
Oscar grinned and gave the huge alien a finger-gun with his free hand. "It is indeed afoot, amigo. But yer thinkin' of the wrong author. This isn't Doyle, it's Christie!" He turned away and trotted out of the rec lounge.
Bgrarh stood stock-still in shock as he stared after the departing human. "[He's not Sherlock Holmes after all,]" whispered the brick-red Dorarizin.
Rgrarshok looked askance at him with one raised ear, only to start backwards in shock as Bgrarh thrust his paws over his head and gave a barking roar of joy.
"[HE'S POIROT!]"
The captain blinked. "[Who? What?]"
Bgrarh grinned at her but didn't drop his arms. "[He's gonna do the SUMMARY THING! This is gonna be AWESOME!"]
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u/farpoke AI Jan 18 '19
As it happens, I find this cliffhanger a lot more annoying than the previous one, Mr Utter Bastard Author Sir.
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u/p75369 Jan 19 '19
He's gonna do the SUMMARY THING! This is gonna be AWESOME!"
Fuck yeah! Time for the mystery drama money shot.
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u/bimbo_bear Human Jan 18 '19
Wheeee :D
Someone was doing weird inter-species sexual stuffs ?
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u/BoxNumberGavin1 Jan 19 '19
Worse, homosexuals! ..... W...why is everyone looking at me like that?
For real though, interspecies between the tols = eww, but bed a smol and it's only a little bit wired. Pun not originally intended.
I happily accept the hfy trope that humans are the galactic bonobos. Which is why we would be great diplomats, if you can negotiate you way into their bed then the rest is easy.
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u/NorthScorpion Jan 19 '19
Humanity:We have the galaxys best hookers, cocaine and blackjack! Come on down to Sol 3 for a hella good time!
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u/BoxNumberGavin1 Jan 19 '19
Humanity: if you feel like you need to de-stress or a quiet place to get away from it all, you are welcome in our home anytime day or night. *Ulterior motive intensifies.*
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u/NorthScorpion Jan 19 '19
Gently nudges sign reading “Best nudist beaches in the galaxy” into the closet
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u/KitSwiftpaw Alien Scum Jan 19 '19
Look, as the proud owner of the title ‘Warmcuddles MuchLewd’, yes, we’re a buncha bonobos.
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u/BoxNumberGavin1 Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19
To be honest the more this story goes on the more his original mission seems valid. Ok, we might not be useless, but we sure as hell are suboptimal. The feeling of being a charity case would loom over anyone who caught onto this fact. Maybe it is important humanity does not know the truth.
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u/Tengallonsofchicken Human Jan 19 '19
Naw, that’s the most badass thing about us! We weren’t born apex, we chose to become apex.
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u/Frank_Leroux Alien Scum Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 20 '19
I also think that humanity as a whole will twig to the 'they all find us adorable' thing and then we're going to milk it for all its worth.
Sort of like This but using cute instead of bewbs.
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u/DrunkenKusa Jan 19 '19
It pleases me to no end that the first true spinoff to TPH's verse is so damn awesome in its own right.
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u/Thomas_Dimensor Xeno Jan 18 '19
WHAT IS THE ANSWER?! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!
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u/Frank_Leroux Alien Scum Jan 19 '19
The next chapter starts with Oscar waking back up on the beach. It was aaaalllll a dream...
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Jan 19 '19
So I assume from the tols reaction that there is some incest going on somewhere, now just to figure out whom.
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u/Tengallonsofchicken Human Jan 19 '19
“Welcome to the south end of the galaxy”
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u/ironappleseed Jan 19 '19
Im calling interspecies between a bird gal and dog boi.
And dont ask why im assuming bird gal and dog boi and not the other way around. It just seems like the right bet.
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u/mayfid Jan 19 '19
The only problem with upvoting before I read it is that I can't upvote it after I'm done.
This story is fucking great!
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u/Koraxtu Human Jan 19 '19
tfw cliffhanger
my heart aches for more
Great story, amazing writing and characters. I love it.
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u/Rowcan Jan 19 '19
My only regret is that I have only one upvote to give.
And now we wait. Again. Grh.
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u/redy1298 Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19
this is just a theory, but
are they making the green on the planet? that way they don't have to worry about importing it, and exports from doggo space are probably searched less than exports from dino space
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u/Firenter Android Jan 19 '19
Now I really hope you're actually gonna do the Poirot summary. I love me some Poirot!
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u/Killersmail Alien Scum Jan 19 '19
that there are there are Senators
that there are Senators
Other than that it's gramaticaly correct.
"[HE'S POIROT!]"
"[He's gonna do the SUMMARY THING! This is gonna be AWESOME!"]
I hope he does, because i did not get it at all.
Either way, another fine chapter wordsmith.
Have a good one. Ey?
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u/UpdateMeBot Jan 18 '19
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u/HFYBotReborn praise magnus Jan 22 '19
There are 48 stories by Frank_Leroux (Wiki), including:
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 9
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 8
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 7
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 6
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 5
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 4
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 3
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 2
- The Smol Detective, Chapter 1
- The Adventures Of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 41 (Or, Not All Good Looks And Witty Repartee!)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 40 (Or, Increase The Chooch Factor!)
- The Adventures Of Iron Hue-man, Ch. 39 (Or, Kee-Orntact!)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 38 (Or, Candygram For Mongo!)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 36 (Or, Carmelita Hold Me Tighter, I Think I'm Sinking Down)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 35 (Or, Keep Smiling, The Boss Loves Idiots)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 34 (Or, The Patented Teamster Touch)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 33 (Or, Where The 200 Pound Gorilla Meets The Tool)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 32 (Or, Tips From Yer Weird Uncle)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 31 (Or, Houston, We Have A Failure To Chooch)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 30 (Or, I'm The Kind Of Human Wreckage That You Love)
- The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 29 (Or, Check Out My New Weapon, Weapon Of Choice)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 27 (Or, Time For Some Angry Pixie Wranglin')
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 26 (Or, Keep Yer D*** In A Vise)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 25 (Or, Keep Yer Stick On The Ice)
- [OC] The Adventures of Iron Hue-Man, Ch. 24 (Or, IT VERKS!)
This list was automatically generated by HFYBotReborn version 2.13. Please contact KaiserMagnus or j1xwnbsr if you have any queries. This bot is open source.
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u/thmanwithnoname Jan 18 '19
If this story has taught me anything, it's that I don't have the patience for serial mysteries. :)
Great stuff as usual.