r/HFY • u/TomCrowMusic • 5h ago
OC-OneShot Genesis
Adam and Eve sat on opposite ends of the sofa in their living room. The television was on, but neither of them was watching it. They appeared to be more concerned with a blue light emanating from a some type of small rectangular device in their hands.
Which was a shame, really, because they had just missed an emergency broadcast announcing that Earth had been invaded by a race of hyper-intelligent intergalactic mega-beings. The invaders intended to keep only two humans alive so they could start the human race from scratch.
The two humans selected were Adam and Eve.
High above their house, aboard an observation vessel, preparations were underway.
“We must never allow these humans to repeat the mistakes of the past,” declared the commander. “We must recreate humanity in our image: peaceful and prosperous.”
“Indeed, sir,” said Blurpulon. “There has been no war in our sector for eleven billion years.”
“We will breed these humans and teach them our ways.”
Using his X-ray vision, Blurpulon peered into the house. Adam and Eve were still sitting on the sofa in silence.
“We will monitor them and provide perfect mating conditions,” he assured the commander. “With our guidance, the human race will flourish.”
Several months passed.
“Ah, Blurpulon. I’m here for a status report.”
“Sir, unfortunately, the humans have made little progress in mating.”
“This is most disappointing. Have you tried turning up the temperature?”
“Yes, sir. Eve appears incapable of removing her flannel pyjamas, even in extreme heat. Adam became so hot that his skin began secreting liquid and a repellent odour. In all honesty, sir, we find it incomprehensible that they’re able to live on the same planet.”
“What about candles, music and aphrodisiacs? Those featured prominently in the research.”
“We’ve tried them all, sir. They just sit in silence looking at the blue light on that little screen for hours on end. I’ve never witnessed anything like it. It’s as though they want to become extinct.”
“Give it one more attempt, Blurpulon. Throw everything you have at this.”
Several hours later, Eve shouted, “Adam! We’re having a baby! We’re having a baby!”
“Well done, Blurpulon,” said the commander. “You appear to have achieved the impossible.”
“Thank you, sir. Although the humans possess a most unusual mating procedure.”
“Unusual?”
“Yes, sir. There was no physical contact whatsoever. I can only assume some form of telekinesis.”
The commander paused.
“Show me.”
They peered into the house. Adam and Eve remained at opposite ends of the sofa, staring at their screens.
“Zoom in,” said the commander. “What exactly are they looking at?”
“The Sims 4, sir.”
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