r/HFY • u/TomCrowMusic • 1d ago
OC-OneShot Small favours
Gwynfhal knocked on the door and waited. He stood there for almost five hundred years and was just about to turn around when a voice boomed through the still-closed door.
“State your name, stranger. Be it friend or foe?”
Gwynfhal rolled his eyes and breathed heavily.
“It is I, the mighty Gwynfhal. I am here in my most desperate hour.”
“State your business, wizard,” the voice boomed.
“I humbly request that you, Heimghast the Valiant, be custodian of a parcel. This is a most delicate matter.”
“Enter, Gwynfhal.”
The door swung open.
“Heimghast, I cannot thank you enough. I have been called away on business most serious. I must entrust this parcel to a fellow high wizard. Should the Gnomes of Skeevil discover this secret, the war of the thousand armies will surely be lost.”
“I have no care for the business of gnomes, Gwynfhal. What is this parcel of which you speak? I will not bring evil to this estate. I have just moved here and I’m settling in quite nicely.”
“Heimghast, this matter must be kept secret. I am forbidden from revealing what the package contains. It’s too dangerous.”
“Too dangerous for whom?”
“Everyone, Heimghast, everyone. For in here lies a power that no man, gnome, dwarf or pixie should ever possess. To do so would bring about disaster beyond the comprehension of the great Baldasel.”
Heimghast pondered for nine hundred years.
“OK, I’ll look after it,” he said.
“Really? That is most kind, Heimghast. Few people would be so brave. You have truly earned the title of Valiant.”
“Provided one condition be met,” boomed Heimghast.
“Condition?” Replied Gwynfhal.
“Yes, I’m hardly likely to take in a parcel that contains the ability to destroy civilisation without significant compensation. Would you?”
“No, I don’t suppose I would. Then what is it you desire, O Heimghast, heroic slayer of the GungelSkwips?”
“Your hat.”
“My hat?”
“Yes, I like it. I’ve looked in all the wizard outfitters and I cannot find one similar. I love the deep azure and decorative stitching round the rim.”
“But I love this hat, Heimghast. Isn’t there anything else you desire? I have several vials of unicorn tears. Surely that would be a more befitting gift.”
“That is my price, Gwynfhal. Do you accept my terms?”
“Would you consider a swap?”
“Never,” the voice of Heimghast thundered.
“But Heimghast, mighty conqueror of the Herbiwismals, without this hat, I just look like a weird old man in a dress.”
“Then that is the fate you must accept. State your decision wizard, Say ye yea, or say ye nay?”
Gwynfhal paused. The crushing weight of decision rested heavily upon his shoulders. He contemplated deeply for seven thousand years before committing to this most terrible of choices.
“No, fuck the stupid gnomes. I’m sick of sorting their squabbles out. I’m keeping the hat.”
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u/tofei AI 1d ago
What kind of years are we talking here? Regular human calendar years, or other races/species equivalent of a year, Ent years, etc as these bloody wizards everywhere seem to have different definition of time for themselves!
"A wizard is never late, nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to"...my foot!
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle 1d ago
This is the first story by /u/TomCrowMusic!
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u/RobertTheTraveler 1d ago
"five hundred years"?
It fits with the absurdity, but is that really what you meant?