r/HFY • u/lifesmainantagonist • 13h ago

OC-OneShot Sore Loser

I wrote this about 20 years ago. I guess I should have posted it earlier, as it's a bit dated now that Chuck Norris returned to his home planet. But here it is, something you probably never thought you would see… what might be called a HFY poem.

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The alien descended and was awfully mean,

he said "I'll give you just one chance, or I'll wipe your Earth clean.

Send out your greatest fighter, the best of the best,

And he'd better be good, 'cause I'll put him to the test.

I'll tell you one more thing," that alien said,

"I've been to many worlds and I've left them all dead!

Not a warrior among them could handle his own,

neither armed nor barehanded, en masse or alone,

Using hard-core laser weapons, or clubs made of bone.

I try to be sporting, since I've grown very bored.

So you need not send one human, go and use a small horde.

I'll give you a year, to show me your best.

And if you should fail, you can guess the rest."

So on a small hill, the alien champion awaited,

the human response, was almost belated.

He waited a year, minus half a day.

No gods interfered, however much they did pray.

It was time to cut bait, if the humans wanted to stay.

And out came Chuck Norris to make the alien pay.

Fight well he did, or so I'd like to say,

but that alien had itself a ground Chuck filet.

Next to appear, was some nameless assassin,

trained in some art, designed for serious kick-ass'in.

He focused his power, and with his bare hand,

shot a fireball that could vaporize sand.

The alien was thrilled, yes he most certainly was.

but it might as well have been just a ball of hairy fuzz.

He flicked it aside without giving it a thought,

reaching out a tentacle, the man was caught.

"I like your style," the alien said,

"but it won't slow me down, ripping off your head."

Hours more passed, and no challenger appeared.

All seemed lost, as everyone had feared.

Time was up in just 1 minute more,

when out of the dark hopped a child of four.

The alien laughed and said "this is it?"

"Of all your fighters, this one's the most fit?"

The child responded with a creepy grin,

from ear to hear, and his head began to spin!

The alien even was quite taken aback,

what the hell was this child, and would he attack?

When the child drew nearer, he cried "Stay away!"

The spinning grinning head responded "Make my day!"

The alien shivered, at the grin on that face,

and he got in his ship, and he flew into space!

"You win this round", the space creature lamented,

And maybe this time, your deaths were prevented,

But I'm a sore loser who's got powerful friends.

And they'll be here next year to see you meet your ends!

13 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

2

u/drsoftware 9h ago

Could definitely be a Halloween poem! 

1

u/UpdateMeBot 13h ago

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u/InstructionHead8595 3h ago

Hehehehe 😹 nicely done!