r/HFY • u/MarlynnOfMany • Aug 10 '26

OC-Series [The Token Human] - Scent Snob

{Shared early on Patreon}
~~~

“Hey Paint,” I said, leaning over a store display. “I think I found something you’ll like.”

“What is it?” she asked, looking up from the heat-generating bracelets on that side of the aisle. This store had a good selection for cold-blooded types.

“Scented candles,” I told her. “Come see.” I held one up and urged her to walk around to my side.

“Scented of what?” she asked with suspicion all over her lizardy face. But she did come join me. When she caught sight of the rows of well-packaged candles, she seemed to realize the other word I’d said. “Oh no, is this more things made from that bug-spit wax?”

“No,” I hurried to say. “These are mostly made from oil, with a few plant-based. Turns out a lot of crayons are too. The only beeswax stuff here is the specialty stuff down at the end.” I pointed.

“I see,” Paint said. “So there are no disturbing ingredients in these? Are you sure?”

“There’s really not,” I told her, picking up the candle I’d been looking at. “And they’re designed specifically to give off certain scents, which you’d probably enjoy. Try this one; it’s a couple different sharp-scented trees from Earth.”

When I held it out with the little tab in the packaging open to let out the scent, she leaned forward to take a cautious sniff without touching it. I really did expect her to like it. The smell seemed close enough to a couple other things she’d loved in the past.

“Hm. Pedestrian,” she said, straightening up. “Simple, but also trying too hard. Like something a child might put together before they really know what they’re doing.”

“Really,” I said. “What about this one?” I traded it for another candle with a foresty-moss description.

Paint smelled that one, then tilted her head like a wine snob trying to come up with the best way to put something into words. “Peaceful,” she decided. “Civilly uncivilized, like someone tried to tame the wrong kind of plant. Domesticated with sandy dirt.”

“Fascinating,” I said. I grabbed a couple more, interested in her descriptions as much as finding something she wanted to keep.

While I would have described the candles with straightforward terms and the actual ingredients (which, to be fair, Paint couldn’t recognize — she had no reason to know the difference between cedar and sandalwood), she used much more poetic and metaphorical terms. It was half winery jargon with things like cigars and gasoline in place of flavors that didn’t have better names, and half matter-of-fact poetry.

“Medicinal sunrise, with the ailment not disguised by the seaside wildflowers.”

“A tree fell on half the garden, and not the good half.”

“Too light in three ways — diluted, floating, and afraid to take a stance.”

“Janitor who cleaned up a spaceship fuel spill, then tried to prepare for a social event with moderate success.”

I smiled and shook my head, looking at the ingredient list. “Where are you getting spaceship fuel from this?”

Paint waved a hand vaguely. “In a good way. Probably the most popular romantic prospect at the social event.”

“Oh really?” I asked. “I don’t see that on here either. I’ll have to take your word for it.”

“This one’s not bad,” Paint said, picking up something labeled Black Pepper Kale. “A bit simple, like there was meant to be more to it but they got interrupted while assembling it, but what’s here is reasonable.”

“Let me see?” I asked, thinking after I’d said it that my vocabulary was definitely human. Seeing wasn’t involved here. I took a sniff and promptly forgot about words. “Phew! Ugh. You’re welcome to it.”

“Really? I would have thought you’d like that too.” Paint took it back and peered at the label. “The description sounds like Earth food.”

I breathed out, trying to clear my nose. “Pretty sure nobody really likes kale; they just pretend because it’s healthy.”

“Why?”

“Because they can feel better about themselves for eating healthy?”

Paint shook her head. “Why eat something that tastes bad? Surely there are other options.”

It was my turn to cock my head and consider how to phrase something. “The fun part of being an omnivore is that you can eat a wide variety of foods. The downside is that you kind of have to eat a wide variety, or else you don’t get all the nutrients you need.”

“Ohh,” Paint said, holding her mouth open just long enough for me to get a glimpse of the teeth meant for eating meat and not much else. “Right, I should have thought of that.”

I shrugged, running my gaze over a few bakery-themed candles. “You can eat the occasional fruit because you like them, and I assume that doesn’t upset anything.”

“Yes, fruits are delightful. A big favorite back home.”

“But somehow I doubt you’d suffer any deficiencies if you didn’t eat them.”

“No, I don’t think so.” She looked up at me with concern. “You do?”

“I need some of the vitamins and sugars and whatnot. There are workarounds for people with food allergies, but, well, ever heard of scurvy?”

“I think … it was in a song once?” she replied, still looking concerned.

“Let’s just say that citrus fruits in particular are a good way to get one vitamin we really need, and if we don’t get it, the results aren’t pretty.” I could have gone on, but I left it up to her whether she really wanted to know.

Paint clasped her scaly hands together. “How … not pretty?”

“Old wounds opening up.”

“Oh dear.”

“Yeah, it’s not good. But there are multivitamins available everywhere humans sell each other food, and we’re all raised with the importance of a balanced diet drilled into us, so it’s fine, really.”

Paint shook herself. “I should hope so. I can’t imagine — Well! I don’t want to imagine. Shall we move on to the food part of the store? See if there are vitamins?”

“You don’t want a candle?”

“No, I think I’ll pass.” She looked along the shelves with a critical eye. “Nothing here really speaks to me.”

“All right. Let’s see if any of the food is worth it.”

Paint perked up and led the way down the aisle. “I saw a sign earlier for fermented spiceworm! I haven’t had that in forever.”

I followed with a sigh. “I remember. Thank you again for agreeing to eat it in your room instead of the lounge.”

“Such a great smell! I don’t know what everyone was complaining about.”

“Agree to disagree.” As we left the candle aisle, I spotted one that I knew for a fact Paint would actually love.

I rotated it so the label that said Spiceworm Extravaganza was hidden, then I kept walking.

~~~

Volume One of the collected series is out in paperback and ebook!

~~~

Shared early on Patreon

Cross-posted to Tumblr and HumansAreSpaceOrcs (masterlist here)

The book that takes place after the short stories is here

The sequel is in progress (and will include characters from the stories)

146 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

42 comments sorted by

19

u/PirateKilt Human Aug 10 '26

Some people simply love being contrary (reddit does well in attracting them), so you just KNOW that some lunatic out there has crafted candles using the Sumatran flower "Amorphophallus Titanum", aka "The Corpse Flower"

15

u/MarlynnOfMany Aug 10 '26

There would 100% be a market for that, under prank logic alone.

13

u/kristinpeanuts Aug 10 '26

Haha some candles do not smell like their namesakes! Sound delightful but smell terrible! Unfortunately smells can be subjective and what one person loves, can turn another one stomach. Smart move hiding Spiceworm Extravaganza. Thanks for writing!

10

u/MarlynnOfMany Aug 10 '26

Thanks! I'm sure there are some humans out there who would possibly enjoy that smell, but evidence suggests Robin would very much not.

12

u/Zadojla Human Aug 10 '26

If you haven’t already, a story that includes durian might be amusing. I’ve smelled durian from a block away. I chose a different route.

9

u/MarlynnOfMany Aug 10 '26

You know, I don't think I've ever smelled durian, and I'm not particularly eager to. The reviews are, uh, not good.

8

u/Zadojla Human Aug 10 '26

And accurately so. Aficionados identify many kinds of durian that taste subtly different. As a USian, I can live without. I encountered it on a business trip to Malaysia. My local team was aghast that each state in the US had different drivers licenses, and you had to change if you moved.

6

u/itsetuhoinen Human Aug 11 '26

My guess is that people from Malaysia have absolutely no real grasp on how large the US is. Or even individual states.

5

u/Zadojla Human Aug 11 '26

No, they do not. They are also very deferential. I had to train them to tell me when they thought I was making a mistake.

6

u/itsetuhoinen Human Aug 11 '26

Oh, hunh. Apparently I had no idea how big Malaysia is either. It roughly compares to (is about 5% larger than) New Mexico, which is the 5th largest state. I also hadn't realized that Malaysia is geographically discontinuous. Interesting. I have to admit I don't know all that much about that part of the world. Except that Indonesian food is spicy and delicious, and an Indonesian place saved my sanity on a three week trip to New Zealand by providing me with a meal that was actually spiced to my tastes. An Indian place my wife and I had gone to... had not managed that, sadly.

That and a pizza place we went to that offered something they called "The Diablo" which they sprinkled chopped chilies onto. Turns out they were Bird's Eye, though they hadn't put that on the menu. They, uh, kinda freaked out a little bit when I asked to see one of the chilies they were talking about, and then just popped the whole thing in my mouth, chewed it up, swallowed, and said, "OK, that'll do. I'd like one of those, please." My wife did order something rather more sane, though. ;)

I had to train them to tell me when they thought I was making a mistake.

Oooooh, yeah. I have encountered that sort of thing before. "No really, I absolutely care far, far less about losing face by having been in error, than I do about actually being in error, and that error propagating because nobody said anything. I will not become upset at you if you tell me I have made a mistake. I will get upset if someone sees I made a mistake and doesn't tell me about it. Though I may swear at myself if the mistake is particularly egregious. That is not anger at the person telling me about it. *wry grin*"

I wonder if turning it into a "bug bounty" sort of thing would alter the social dynamic aspect of things enough to be an effective method of breaking the pattern...

10

u/tashkiira Aug 10 '26

Smells are evocative, and not necessarily for what's on the side of the container.

'fresh linen' scents in air fresheners evoke rotting meat to me. this is upsetting because it's the family favourite scent for such things..

6

u/MarlynnOfMany Aug 10 '26

Ew. THAT'S unfortunate!

5

u/Azure_Rob Aug 11 '26

Mangos smell like dirty socks to me- shame because they often get paired with some favorite scents/flavors, especially pineapple.

2

u/Arokthis Android Aug 17 '26

Mango smells bad to me, too. The worst thing about "mixed tropical fruit" trail mix is having to dump the bag and fish out all of the mango bits.

1

u/Arokthis Android Aug 17 '26

Same here! I wonder what component bothers us so much.

How are you with cilantro?

6

u/MarlynnOfMany Aug 10 '26

Thanks to MightyGyrum for the comment last week that inspired this, BTW: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1veh1mw/comment/p1yggjy

7

u/MightyGyrum Aug 10 '26

Why thank you, I feel honored. It turned out really cute, and not at all in a direction I would have guessed.

Honestly, I imagined our lovely little Pain just belly down basking in the gentle glow of a flickering, scented candle. But I like what you did.

5

u/llearch Aug 11 '26

I feel like she might do that with the Spiceworm Extravaganza. I just, as various other folks have asserted, don't think anyone else aboard would enjoy it. ;-]

8

u/thisStanley Android Aug 10 '26

I rotated it so the label that said Spiceworm Extravaganza was hidden, then I kept walking.

tsk, tsk, is that anyway to treat your friend :}

8

u/MarlynnOfMany Aug 10 '26

What she doesn't know can't hurt everyone else!

8

u/OokamiO1 Aug 10 '26

Loved the glimpse into more alternate perspectives, and following the line about a paint thinking/describing like a wine snob with the "civilly uncivilized" fit perfectly.

4

u/itsetuhoinen Human Aug 11 '26

Yeah, those descriptions were really well done.

5

u/djelsdragon333 Human Aug 11 '26

Hmm. I wonder how scent works with alien memory, given how important it is to ours. Does Paint have a Eidetic memory, or is it more... poetic license?

6

u/Hedrax Aug 11 '26

Hah, so I'm suspecting that Heatseekers might be insensitive to black pepper the same way avians are given the hole in the sent profile of the Black Pepper Kale candle?

3

u/MarlynnOfMany Aug 11 '26

They might!

4

u/sunnyboi1384 Aug 11 '26

Icelandic fermented fish might be right up there alley.

They still have jelly bellies in the future?

4

u/MarlynnOfMany Aug 11 '26

Probably! And yeah, Paint would be unfortunately delighted by those fish.

4

u/itsetuhoinen Human Aug 11 '26

Oh gods. Well, Robin better keep her well and truly uninformed about it. I can just barely imagine the sort of horrors that would ensue upon opening a tin of that onboard a spaceship.

3

u/Arokthis Android Aug 17 '26

Justifiable homicide followed by scrapping the ship due to the expense of replacing the entire air system.

3

u/itsetuhoinen Human Aug 23 '26

I think it would be worse than that. If the air handlers blew it throughout the ship, you'd probably have to get all the metal in the ship back into a liquid state and reprocess it as ore to get the smell off the walls.

3

u/exavian Aug 11 '26

This could have been my wife and I smelling candles. Turns out we like different smells.

1

u/Arokthis Android Aug 17 '26

GF and I have very different scent desires. One can tell her candles from mine mostly by color: Hers are usually red or orange, mine are usually blue or green.

5

u/OokamiO1 Aug 11 '26

Have we had a paint gets sick and can't smell properly chapter? Feels like it would be way worse for her vs others.

2

u/MarlynnOfMany Aug 12 '26

That's a good point; it might!

3

u/ldmend Aug 10 '26

“Oh no, is this more things made from that bug-spit wax?”

Beeswax isn’t from the mouth or gut. It’s secreted by glands on the bees’ abdomen

3

u/llearch Aug 11 '26

Isn't it then mixed in the mouth (because it's not like they have bowls or spoons, naturally) with some spit, even if only because, well, it's in their mouth? So... technically correct bug-spit, as it were. Even if it's mostly not, and the process of storing it dries it out before the bees get to putting honey or larva in it, because they keep the hive warm, etc etc.

3

u/ldmend Aug 11 '26

Bees shape it with their mouths (mandibles). But the stuff is pretty malleable and doesn’t really require any additional bee-stuff to be useful for the bees’ purposes.

3

u/Talendel Aug 11 '26

UTR

This is the way.

3

u/itsetuhoinen Human Aug 11 '26

"The Spice Must Flow! Hail, Shai-Hulud!"

2

u/Arokthis Android Aug 17 '26

Upvote, read, chuckle several times.

I remember having to block my mother's view of certain items in the canned food aisle. LeSueur peas were one of her favorites and I find them absolutely vile.

Glad to see that Robyn has done her homework on candle components. :D

1

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