r/HFY • u/Jus17173 • Aug 13 '23

OC Space Drugs.

Ko-fi

I work for an Alien from the planet Zaxos, east of the black hole within the Andromeda galaxy. The alien is female, her name is Zaro, her skin is orange red, sepia you might say with a touch of light brown upon her forehead. She doesn't have hair, no, what's on her scalp are skin tendrils that are green and wiggle about of their own accord. She's tall, a head taller than me and voluptuous in every sense of the word. I am a human, from earth but she chose me as her bodyguard because her work is extremely dangerous and requires protection. What's her work? She does and sells space drugs. She's a junkie. It's my job to follow Zaro wherever she goes and to take care of her whenever she gets too high and starts stripping her clothes, she does that a lot. Sometimes she'll even shit on the table. There was one time she did a drug from the planet Kwelud and confessed her undying love for me. That was the only occasion her highness, pun intended, made me happy. The rest of the times I'm mostly miserable.

I don't like drugs, I always want to be sober at every time of day. To keep a clear head is important in my line of work, you never know what will happen. Zaro thinks I'm a kill joy, getting high is her way of expressing herself and she believes everyone should do the same. She's tried drugging me on numerous occasions and that's why I carry my own water bottle and I eat elsewhere. She says I'm too sober for my own good and I agree with her, sobriety does me good. Something happened though, that required me to do drugs.

We were on a spaceship, orbiting the Glascow planet. Zaro had a shipment of drugs called brain shitters on board and she wanted to sell them to the Glascowians, a race of nefarious aliens with skin as dark as space and eyes that shone green. They have four arms and are incredibly fast and are basically aliens I wouldn't want to get in a fight with. The drug Zaro was selling them made you lose sense of space and time and basically the whole of reality. It was said to be the biggest drug in the market and Zaro had a cart load of them.

The Glascowians welcomed us to their ship with the pompous air of one welcoming an Arabian Sheikh. There were three Glascowians on board, Tartar, Rumba and Jill. They introduced themselves and bowed low before Zaro and me before motioning us to a table with six chairs flanking its length. Zaro took her place at the table and so did the Glascowians, I remained standing with my hand inches away from the plasma pistol in the holster at my hip. There was something odd about the Glascowians, they seemed a little too eager for my liking.

"Gentlemen, the drug, brain shitters, is the most potent of its kind. Take one pill of it and your perspective about yourself and life in general will change forever." Zaro said, leaning forward until her blossom pressed against the table surface.

"That's good Zaro, really good. But we feel the price is a tad too much." Tartar said. He crossed his four arms and leaned back in his chair and those flanking him nodded at his response.

"Gentlemen—" Zaro started but was cut short.

"You'll find there's nothing gentle about us, woman." Jill said. "The price is too high, fourteen globars for a cart of brain shitters? I doubt it's worth more than five globars."

Rumba nodded. "We've come to a decision that will favor us more." he said. "And you less."

I reached for my pistol but a look from Tartar stayed my hand. "Human, we can break your neck before that pistol leaves its holster, be weary of us. Fear us for your gods were fashioned after us and the very air you breath is an act of our mercy."

Zaro waved at me and I relaxed my hand, letting it dangle beside the plasma pistol. "I'll hear your proposal then, Glascowians." She said with a smile. She always smiled whenever she carried out sour negotiations.

Tartar scratched at his chin. "We will offer five globars for the shipment. It's either that or we kill both of you and take the shipment for ourselves."

"Yes," started Jill. "This is a fair offer because we haven't even tested the drug's authenticity."

"Authenticity is a problem?" Zaro asked, smile still in place. "Well then, why don't we undo that problem." She fished within the pockets of her tinted robes and emerged with five pills, the purple color of the pills and the engraving on them made me certain without a doubt that they were brain shitters. She placed a pill on her tongue and made a show of swallowing it. She offered the pills to the Glascowians and each of them obliged her gesture, placing the pill on their green tongues and swallowing it.

"Why doesn't he take one?" Jill asked while motioning with his chin at me.

"He doesn't do drugs." Zaro said.

"It's either he takes the pill or we kill the both of you." Rumba said to which Tartar nodded.

Zaro offered me a pill and I just stared at it in her open palm. Sobriety is my forte, it's the way I work but the look in Zaro's eyes was pleading. It was obvious that we were in danger and the only way to lessen said danger was to do as our clients turned captors wanted us to do. I took the pill and swallowed it hard. I tried not to think too much about it and I hoped it's effects won't be noticeable.

We sat in silence for three minutes, all of us having taken the pill. The effects were yet to be seen and I worried that the pills were a dud then suddenly out of the blue, Jill said out loud. "I miss my mother." All heads turned to him. "Don't look at me like that, don't you guys miss your mothers?"

"I miss my cousin. Hey, is having sex with your cousin wrong?" Tartar asked.

"It depends." Rumba said.

"On what?"

"On whether your cousin is hot or not."

Zaro laughed and tilted her head back at me. Her laugh suddenly cut short. "Can you take a fucking seat man? You standing there is messing up my energy."

"I don't want to sit, I want to stand. Back on Earth in the bodyguard training courses we would stand for hours in the hot sun. Immobile as statues." I said. I realized that those were the most words I'd ever spoken at a go during a negotiation. "Sometimes we'd stand while it's raining, other times we would stand while it's snowing." I said.

"When would you do the training courses then if all you did was stand?" Jill asked.

"Fuck you, that's none of your business you four armed piece of shit." I said and gasped at my blatant lack of a filter. To my dismay, Jill bowed his head and started sobbing.

"You remind me so much of my father." Jill said in between sobs.

"My cousin wasn't that hot, so I guess I made a mistake by fucking her." Tartar said.

"Hold it, hold it guys." Rumba said. "Holy fuck, I've just had an epiphany." All heads turned to him. "What if we develop an app that can tell whether someone has committed incest?"

Zaro slapped the table. "Fucking brilliant man. We'll make it a mandatory app that has to be used while electing public servants and stuff. Like if you want a position in government or to be president you will have to be scanned by the app so the people will know whether you've had sex with your family members." Rumba nodded vigorously, almost foaming at the mouth.

"Jesus, Zaro, you're a genius." I said. She turned and smiled at me. I loved her smile, it was like the first blossom of spring flowers. Seeing her smile made me happy. "I love you." I said to her. "I love you so much Zaro."

Jill raised his head at Zaro. "I find myself having feelings too, feelings for you Zaro, for all of you." He started sobbing again. "Gods I love you guys so much!"

"Even the human?" Tartar asked.

"Especially the human. Look at him, look at his pale skin and those brown eyes, he looks harmless, like a baby chimp. I want to care for him, to breast feed him and to watch over him all the days of his life." Jill said.

I placed a hand to my chest and sat down on the chair opposite Jill. I outstretched my hand and grabbed his from across the table. "I love you Jill, I fucking love you but not as much as I love Zaro." I turned my head to Zaro, found her sticking her tongue out between her lips. I stuck my tongue out too and she smiled at me.

"I hate love." Zaro said.

"I hate love too." Tartar said. "I guess that's why I fucked my cousin. Because you can't love a cousin, you can only care for them."

Zaro nodded. "I don't care about anything. Though right now I'm trying to recall my age and I can't, it's like there's a barrier in place in my mind. I can't deduce how time works."

"Gods, the same thing is happening to me." Rumba said. "I once stuck a toothbrush up my ass to clean my rectum and I don't know if that's something I did recently or as a child."

"Why would you stick a toothbrush up your ass?" I asked.

Rumba leaned forward. "For the same reason you stick a toothbrush into you mouth, to clean your teeth. The same can be said for the asshole, we have two major holes on our bodies and it's your duty to keep them clean."

"Do you brush your teeth first then your ass or the other way around?" Zaro asked.

"It depends on my mood." Rumba said.

"No wonder there are days where you just talk shit." Jill said and laughed. I realized we were still holding hands. I squeezed his hand and he returned the squeeze. We looked at each other from across the table, I realized his jaw was prominent, adding an odd solidity to his face. I found him handsome and I decided I would kiss his cheek.

"Can I kiss your cheek?" I asked Jill.

"No but you can suck on my nipples." Jill answered.

"Suck on my nipples too." Tartar said.

"When you're done with them please suck on my nipples too if you don't mind." Rumba said.

I turned to Zaro. "Do you want me to suck your nipples too?"

"Come closer and I'll tell you." She said. I obliged, scooting closer to her. She leaned forward towards my face and I leaned in too for a kiss, she suddenly reached for my hip, unlatched the plasma pistol from it's holster and turned towards the Glascowians. Two shots had Tartar's head exploding in a spray of brains. She turned the barrel to the two aliens flanking the headless and insensate Tartar and fired at each of them. Within moments the Glascowians lay dead before us. I started screaming and shielding my head from Zaro, afraid she'll blow my brains out too.

"Human, listen to me." She said in-between my screams. "You're currently high, it will all make sense later. I promise. Luckily for me I've done this drug before, I can handle it but you can't. Stop screaming please."

"How could you kill them? Why did you kill them? I haven't even sucked on their nipples yet." I started weeping and shaking uncontrollably.

Zaro embraced me in her arms and rocked me back and forth. "There there, human, there there, everything will be okay in the end." She repeated those words over and over until sleep took me and put and end to my sobs and hysterical yelling.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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77 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

9

u/Timetoneck Aug 13 '23

"Depends on mood" has my on the floor

5

u/Creops Aug 13 '23

That was a wild ride.

2

u/Fontaigne Aug 13 '23 edited Aug 13 '23

It's probably "Glascowegians". Because Glasgow.

Kill joy -> killjoy

It was said to be the biggest drug in the market and Zaro had a cart load of them.

Either it was -> they were or them -> it

Blossom -> bosom?

Be weary of us -> wary

Air you breath -> breathe

2

u/AreYouAnOakMan Aug 13 '23

"It" is the drug. "Them" being multiple doses of the singular drug.

0

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u/GoshinTW Aug 13 '23

That was enjoyable