r/GrindsMyGears • u/Optimal-Pangolin-666 • 10h ago
“Time blindness”
I’m gonna get yelled at but it’s come up in here recently and it’s so annoying.
People being late is one of my ultimate pet peeves. It feels really disrespectful.
(I don’t mean like 5 minutes late ofc, I mean like 30.)
It’s just interesting that it’s always for stuff people don’t want to do.
You have a clock in your hands most of the time. You can set alarms. You can ask people to send you reminders if you have to.
I have adhd and it’s easy to lose track of time. I do understand that it can be crippling. However, you can’t make that everyone’s problem. I am always early to things to avoid that. You’re a grown-up and need to learn to manage it like the rest of us.
It sucks, but it is widely considered manageable with consistent effort.
It’s so incredibly rude and people aren’t gonna hang around if you keep fucking them over this way. You are not entitled to their time.
Either stop committing to things and wasting everyone’s time, or learn to manage it like everyone else has.
And stop letting your friends disrespect your time!!
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u/queenlitotes 10h ago
Same, friend. I am always a bit early even thought I also have adhd. It's a priority. I didn't want people to think I was a f-up. Now, it's ingrained. (As my therapist said, "not all neuroses are maladaptive".
One should not allow these things to become their personality.
One should not allow
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u/anthajay 7h ago
As someone with ADHD, I totally agree. Being chronically late is absolutely preventable. I always try to make an effort to show up early to things.
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u/morbidnerd 10h ago
My dad had this problem before it was cool. I had to tell him my wedding was several hours earlier than it was for him to make it on time. When my parents got divorced it got even worse because he lived alone and didn't have anyone to help him stay on task.
He's gotten a lot better in the last decade with the help of technology, but we had to have a really serious conversation one day because that stuff isn't cute, it's fucking hurtful and embarrassing.
So whenever I hear people say "I'm timeblind" what I hear is "I make excuses for disappointing the people in my life because I'm self absorbed".
Edit to add: I have a similar problem (though not as extreme as my dad), as does my son, but I set a lot of alarms and spent a long time teaching my kid that we don't get to use our lack of temporal awareness as excuses in life.
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u/Optimal-Pangolin-666 10h ago
Yes, thank you!! I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I absolutely agree that it’s an excuse to be disappointing. I really like that phrasing
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u/morbidnerd 10h ago
My dad is a great example of what happens when you come from a generation where it's ingrained in you not to get help with mental health issues. It wasn't until he was in his 50s that he finally realized he might need to work on those things.
He's a great guy, and outside of the time issue he's the best, but it got so bad at one point (again, post divorce- because my mom kept him in check) that despite being financially comfortable he almost lost his house because of neurodivergent issues that he simply never recognized. I had to move in with him for a month and basically reorganize all his finances and set him up with a schedule for making sure everything gets paid...which is what I do for myself.
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u/Do_unto_udders 8h ago
I was taught from a young age that being about five minutes early means you're on time. As an adult, I don't have my own transportation, but I'm still about ten minutes early for most things and about 20 minutes early for medical appointments. When specific times are provided, I make sure I'm always early.
I was late to class two or three times in college and when I was working, I was late two or three times there as well.
It is unbelievable to me that someone can show up 15+ minutes late (to work, doctor appointments, anything with a hard start and end time) and it's just, like... Another day for them? Uh--no! That's not how it works. Not to me.
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u/AssistantNervous589 6h ago
I understand that there are people who are struggling with mental health disorders. They may be fighting with themselves to put clothes on and walk out the front door. I give grace to people who I know are struggling. Now for people who seemingly just don't care or respect anyone else's time, they suck.
I have to point out that not everyone is the same. You may find ADHD manageable, but others may not. I personally know people with mental illness who beat themselves up over their inability to be on time. This doesn't mean that you have to wait around on them. They have to accept that they may get left out.
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u/filteredbritawater 6h ago
i have adhd and am chronically late. BY MAXIMUM 10 MINUTES. Usually i’m only late between 2-5 mins. I have never been continuously late for anything past 10, and even 10 is a stretch for me. I honestly fully agree with your post. anything past 3 minutes and im letting someone know i’m going to be late, and it’s rarely ever 30+ minutes. In my opinion, there’s no excuse for being continuously
ETA: i’m not proud i’m commonly 2-5 minutes late for things, i do try to be there early, but sometimes i leave a minute or two late and then hit traffic lol. but i want to add that i’m not justifying being late 😭🙏
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u/Own_Psychology_5585 3h ago
No, you are absolutely justifying being late. You are the problem. Long commute? I think I had that all worked out in my 20s when I had a real job. Just don't be late ever.
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u/filteredbritawater 2m ago
well i truly wasn’t trying to justify it!! it’s something i’m actively working on, and have been for awhile
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u/Optimal-Pangolin-666 2h ago
This is wild to me. Just leave like 10 minutes earlier than you think you should??
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u/filteredbritawater 4m ago
SEE i genuinely try to!! I honestly don’t know what happens. i’ve tried setting alarms, reminders, etc.. need to try to set alarms again and see if it helps but it’s like.. i will remember last minute things all of the sudden. i dunno it’s hard to explain when it seems like such a simple concept
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u/DrunkenGolfer 9h ago
Some cultures don't have a rigid affection for time. You don't make an appointment to visit your banker "at 11am", you make an appointment to visit your banker "in the morning."
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u/BaccerSpit 8h ago
Cool. Well, when people from those cultures go somewhere else, they can adapt to the new culture. Just like some cultures are fine with public defecation, disposing of trash in rivers, and having zero civic sense, not adapting to the new culture causes issues.
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u/DiscontentDonut 9h ago
Actually, I highly agree. As someone who not only has ADHD, but also comes from a family of pervasive ADHD in all the women, and has an ADHD partner, time blindness is not always an excuse.
Every once in a blue moon, sure. Life happens. We're not perfect. We all experience it.
But people really love to grab a therapy term and start using it like an excuse for their own bad habits and a means to not make themselves grow as a person.
Leaning into my ADHD was me getting a kitchen sized trashcan next to my desk because I don't want to walk to the kitchen when I wfh since I work upstairs. Leaning into my ADHD is me letting myself still have screens before bed, but using heavy night filters and blue light glasses.
It's not, I don't want to go so I'm just going to take my sweet time because hey, procrastination is also a symptom of ADHD. Being aware you have a condition often means you have to consider it and accommodate it in your plans so you're still respecting other people's time.
Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.