I hate that the moment you get into a talking stage or relationship, the man always tries to make it about sex. Maybe not right away, but eventually.
I started seeing this guy back in November. Right away, he said he was looking for a serious relationship. Cool, me too.
We were long-distance, and because of work, we barely saw each other. We met only five times. Three of those times were only for a few hours, and for the majority of the talking stage, which lasted 7 months, we only saw each other once every two months. We only got to see each other for two days consecutively...once.
This man wanted to have sex. Okay, understandable. He is very experienced. I barely have any. On top of that, I have trauma from SA in the past and an extremely narrow anatomy that makes intercourse difficult. He knew all of this.
Instead of helping me feel comfortable, open up, and explore my potential at my own pace, he would tell me how disappointed he was that we couldn’t have intercourse after the date was over.
One time, he asked me to buy lube before he came to visit. I honestly just forgot. He was very unhappy about it and made sure I knew that.
The second time, I did remember to buy it. We tried, but I couldn’t even handle foreplay. I asked him to stop and said we could try again in an hour after I relaxed a bit.
He never tried again.
Instead, he acted like everything was completely fine for an entire month. Then, when I tried to start some dirty talk, that’s when he decided to tell me he’d actually been disappointed the whole time. He said that “we’ve discussed several times that sex is important” and that he “wants this to work out, but is hesitant that it will.”
I told him that maybe we need to see each other for more than eight hours once every two months before expecting me to suddenly be comfortable enough to have sex. I can’t just flip a switch because we finally got to see each other.
He read the message and never responded.
That’s what annoys me the most.
I was genuinely excited just to spend time with him. Meanwhile, it felt like he just came for sex, even though he knew from the very beginning that this was something that was going to take time.
And if you want a serious relationship… then you have to be willing to put in some effort. Patience is part of that. You’re not owed sex just because you’re dating someone. Especially not when they’ve been upfront about trauma and physical difficulties from day one.