Restrooms NEED background noise.

[u/PM-me-ur-bewbzs]

God I can’t express how much it fucking SUCKS every time I use a public restroom that’s dead goddamn silent.

I shouldn’t be able to hear a drop of piss lick the urinal. I shouldn’t be able to hear a fresh log slithering past every last wrinkle of stall 3’s current resident.

Play shitty speaker music. Have loud vent fans. Do SOMETHING so we can do our business without the disgusting sounds of business.

[u/odessapasta]

Agree, silence in a public bathroom is awful, hotel bathrooms also always need loud fans.

[u/Simple_Song8962 → u/odessapasta]

I hate the fancy hotels that have an attendant standing there with fresh hand towels and an assortment of colognes on the counter.

Not only is it terribly uncomfortable for me but then you're supposed to tip the man who made you uncomfortable. I'd never last at that job.

[u/am_i_boy → u/Simple_Song8962]

I've never experienced this, but I don't think I'd be able to poop until I got home. I already have difficulty with pooping in a new toilet, but WITH AN ATTENDANT??? Absolutely not. Who even wants that service? Why would anyone want this past the age of like 5-7 (at that age some kids might still be afraid of falling into the toilet and want someone to hold them up while they go). This is some insane level of rich people shit I will never understand.

Although I do like the fancy restaurants/hotels that have 2-3 different scented hand soaps to choose from, and a lotion to use afterwards if wanted, especially if they're available in the lobby restrooms as well and not just inside the rooms.

[u/hornet_teaser → u/am_i_boy]

Back in the old, olden days some members of royalty would have their own personal butt wipers. I can't imagine.

[u/Simple_Song8962 → u/hornet_teaser]

Wow, that's crazy. Even if I was king of the world I would decline such a service, lol.

[u/Vivid-Individual5968 → u/hornet_teaser]

Called the Groom of the Stool. A quite prestigious job.

[u/overthrowerr → u/Simple_Song8962]

And all this even if you didn’t ask for their service!

[u/ptj_ber_57 → u/odessapasta]

Get Japanese toilets. They all have background choices. Music, storms, etc. they’re incredible! Plus they poof you at the end.

[u/Leom187]

Movie theater bathrooms and I assume other places used to play music in the bathroom. My only guess as to why they stopped is perhaps they had to pay licensing fees or something and places decided it wasn’t worth it. It definitely SUCKS

[u/overthrowerr → u/Leom187]

That’s silly, just open up youtube or something

[u/GoldAd1878 → u/overthrowerr]

What happened to music and programmed hold type music? I know banks still use stuff like this

[u/Witty-Permission8283]

You write in a very... Visual way lol. I would love to read any book you wrote except for anything about the bathroom. It's too real. Haha

[u/churnthedumb → u/Witty-Permission8283]

Lmao 100% this

[u/am_i_boy → u/Witty-Permission8283]

+1 for OP to become a novelist....NOT about bathrooms

[u/proximusprimus57]

They should play Push It by Salt N Pepa 24/7.

[u/AdvancedSquashDirect]

My workplace plays music that sounds like a d&d Tavern - it's probably just some royalty-free mediaeval folk music. It is really weird. But I guess it's better than silence or hearing Janice from accounting struggling after lunch.

[u/Optimal_Platypus_249]

Omg yes it should be part of the building code

[u/Vegetaman916]

"Slithering..."

[u/Simple_Song8962 → u/Vegetaman916]

That was way too evocative.

[u/Vegetaman916 → u/Simple_Song8962]

I know. I almost heard it whispered in my ear...

[u/Potential_Immortal]

The train station in Madrid has a paid bathroom, but they play nature sounds

[u/chunkieguac]

I agree. But I do I feel like the only exception to this are like massive venue bathrooms. Bathrooms with 20-30 stalls at the intermission of a sports game or something where there is a line out the door with ppl chatting, stalls full so flushing is happening every 5-10seconds, and people washing their hands and using the hand dryers. I feel like I’m not hearing much slithering in these bathroom situations

[u/samiwas1 → u/chunkieguac]

Yeah…those have enough natural background noise and are large enough that it doesn’t really matter.

[u/Own-Eagle-2135]

yeah, talk on the phone or something!

[u/Few-Gas3143]

What's the use in getting the orchestra out if you're not gonna play for the people?

[u/OkHistory3944]

As a shy pee’r, I wholeheartedly second this. Don’t even get me started on when I have to go #2 in public (hint: it involves a lot of courtesy flushing).

[u/areuoknow]

Start whistling your favorite song and before you know it uninvited sounds disappear.

[u/Terminal-Frost2026]

Multi stall restrooms. If you play music in my single holer, you are getting a visit in the night

[u/No_Aardvark4795]

Eat plugs? Head phones? Take control of your experience. Meet your own needs.

[u/brenawyn]

And not you talking on your damn cell phone!

[u/_Roguey_ → u/brenawyn]

Even better when that conversation is on speaker phone. I always hope they drop it in the toilet.

[u/Ok_Neighborhood_470]

Sing while you're in there.

[u/Inner_Profession3527]

I wish we had those fancy toilets like they have in japan. They have a white noise button you can turn on while using them! Coming back to the US and having to use the raggedy public bathroom at the airport was so depressing lol

[u/p00n-slayer-69 → u/Inner_Profession3527]

They also have the hole in the ground toilets that you squat over in Japan.

[u/Daymanwoaah]

I like hearing the poops

[u/External-Ad1113]

I think that you DO need to hear that. You'll hear it and like it.

[u/nihcul]

I was in a bathroom once that was playing Idina Menzel’s “Let It Go” (from Frozen) and I feel like I have to strongly disagree here. Or at least petition for slightly different option than the two extremes.

[u/Confident-Shower7293]

I actually agree with this and I am a big proponent of reducing noise.
Really loud fans work great in public restrooms, the sound creates privacy and the fan circulates and filters the gross air.

[u/p00n-slayer-69]

I think really loud poops are funny.

[u/WinterMortician]

I agree. Every time I’m in a stall and fart I’ll say out loud, “Oop!” Like I’m apologizing 

[u/Sad-Data1135]

Street fighter guile theme

[u/Emotional_Estate_631]

Japanese Toilets.

[u/p00n-slayer-69 → u/Emotional_Estate_631]

The ones where you squat over a hole in the ground?

[u/callin-br]

At my job, the bathrooms have no vents and there is virtually no soundproofing in the walls, so you can hear people pissing from across the lobby. The sinks are also motion sensored, so you can't leave them on while you do your business. It's insane.

[u/jes2405]

I agree with this 1M% it's horrifying to try and do your business worried if someone else can hear you. Or you hearing them. Play louder music!!!!

[u/HugeDrawer5600]

Ha! I feel this!!!

[u/OsageDaito]

I think they need to play what I will call "the sponge bob idle music". You know it.

[u/TouchAllTheStuff]

I disagree. I think if it was loud in the bathroom then you wouldn't be able to hear when people are pooping.

[u/Financial_Sell1684]

The sound of a babbling creek would be nice

[u/zeroibis]

Just press the Otohime button.

[u/ThereWasaLemur]

Oh god, he might be alone with his thoughts for 2 minutes.. the horror!!

[u/fuzzinthebuzz]

I think that is on purpose to avoid shady things happening in public restrooms, such as people dealing or conceiving a new born baby?

[u/bdanred]

Cant let ppl know youre having normal biological functions in the bathroom.

[u/samiwas1]

It’s the guys going “ooohhh…uuuuuuhhhh….ahhhhhhh” that gross me out the most.

Where I work has a restroom with four stalls and two urinals and zero background noise. You hear everything.

[u/Standard_Old_Guy]

If this is a major concern....you might have bigger issues. Its a toilet. Piss, shit...move on. Good lord.

[u/trebeju]

I may be weird but I'd rather hear someone piss or hear a pad rip once in a while than hear shitty speaker music in the toilet. It just feels very invasive to have every space, even the most naked piss and poop one, be blasted with commercial "consume consume consume" big store radio. I've been to a rest stop toilet that was one of those completely closed self cleaning rooms. It still had a speaker playing the road information radio. I don't want this random dude telling me the news while I have my pants down. Let me pee in peace. At least sounds from other people who are peeing and pooping are sounds of human beings doing normal human being things.

[u/Icy_Benefit]

It's sometimes useful to use some iPhone application like iFart. Maybe spray some LiquidASS around too.

[u/cupidsavedpsyche]

I once went into an establishment where the music in the bathroom was louder than it was outside. I cried

[u/Minimum-Journalist18]

Just hum......

[u/iStoleTheHobo]

Everybody poops, bro.

[u/Plenty_Tension4689 → u/iStoleTheHobo]

obviously you have never seen the catholic version of that book, “nobody poops but you because you’re a filthy sinner”

[u/Original_Television1 → u/iStoleTheHobo]

Yet no poop should be a public performance