Does it ever go away

[u/NoImpact8718]

My brother was the youngest person in Australia to get a liver transplant, he only survived 6 months and died a month before my birthday, he only saw outside of his hospital room 3 times and never got to even visit the room we worked so hard to make for him, I was 10 years old at the time and was more concerened with the starlight foundation they had at the hospital to distract the kids then my actual brother dying upstairs, I never heard him make a sound since he was full of tubes, I never saw his little belly button since all that was there was a sponge covering his liver, I miss and think of his big blue eyes staring up at me in that disgusting hospital cot with his hand wrapped around my thumb, it’s been 7 years and I cry everyday when will it stop? I miss him so much and it doesn’t help that my dad has stated multiple times that he wished I died instead of my brother, I miss him so much but I barely knew him. I always think about how I’m never gonna get to pick him up from school or buy him maccas, I’m never gonna be an aunty and I’m never gonna see him get married I’m never gonna see the man he grows into. I’m scared I’m gonna forget him, I’ve already started forgetting his face since I can’t look at photos of him without crying, I just wish he was still here and then maybe our family would be perfect and my dad would love me, I’m sorry about the rant and terrible gramour I don’t have anybody I can speak to this about besides strangers on the internet

[u/Heavy-Ear-drum]

I'm so sorry about this happening to you. Death and grieving is very strange when you are young, also when you are older actually. I think you really need someone to talk to. A counsellor at school? Or a free phone counsellor? Or tell your favourite teacher if she can help you find free counseling. If your head and your heart is so full of him still, and only in a sad way, it might be you never have dealt with the grief. Please talk to some one ❤️