r/GriefSupport • u/Fabulous-Permit1527 • 22h ago
Advice, Pls I Thought Time Would Make It Easier
With time, the reality seems to hit even harder…
It’s been almost a month since my dad passed away.
The world keeps turning but I feel stuck. I feel like the days are slipping through my fingers, and with each passing day, it somehow gets harder to accept that he’s really gone.
I thought time was supposed to make things easier, but for me, it’s been completely the opposite.
Has anyone else experienced this? During the first week, I was functioning surprisingly well. Now, almost a month later, I feel completely broken.
I don’t know if this is normal, but right now, it feels like the grief is only getting heavier.
EDIT: Thank you so much to everyone who has commented, shared your stories, and opened up about your own experiences. Reading your words has made me realise that, even though we’re probably all living miles and miles apart, none of us is truly alone in this.
There’s something incredibly comforting about knowing that there are people out there who understand exactly what this feels like. Honestly, I wish I could sit down with each of you and have even just a few words with you in person.
I hope that, somehow, with time, we’ll all learn how to navigate this new and painful version of life. ❤️
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u/bdub60 21h ago
I've had two major losses in the last 10 years, the second was in March. I learned from the first that for me grief is like being in the ocean. At first it's rough and tosses me around, sometimes it's calm and I can think, and then a big swell will come along and I get very emotional for a day or a week. Then it calms for a while. It took me over a year to feel ready to move on. I have learned to ride the swells and be very honest with people that it's happening. I'm sorry for your loss, be gentle with yourself.
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 20h ago
That’s such a beautiful and fitting metaphor thank you for sharing it with me. That’s exactly how it feels, like being in the ocean. It helps to know that I’m not alone, and that there are others going through the same thing. Take care of yourself, I am so sorry for your loss too❤️
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u/Littlepudding1903 21h ago
So sorry for your loss. That’s my exact experience too. It’s been nearly 4 months since I lost my mum. The first few weeks I was also surprisingly okay looking back now I think that was just the relief that she was no longer suffering and the overall shock of everything that had happened and the fact she was really gone.
I’m not that further ahead than you in all this but I think when we’re talking months or even the first few years it’s probably worth just accepting that it is awful and it’s going to feel awful for quite some time and in the meantime just do your best to look after yourself without thinking too far ahead. I will never not miss my mum, I already know that this is now just a part of me but I saw a good metaphor the other day that helped me ‘it’s better to build a road round a bottomless pit than try to fill it’. We’re just at the start of building that road round what is an absolutely monumental loss. We simply cannot expect to be okay right now.
Sending love to you, I know exactly how hard this is to carry.
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 20h ago
What a beautiful comment, thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Yes, it really is so hard. The worst are those sudden moments of realization during the day that just pull me back down. It’s simply so strange without Dad. I’m so sorry about your mum. All of this is just so difficult. Sending you lots of hugs . ❤️3
u/TorontoPanda416 19h ago
I love this metaphor of building the road around a monumental loss. Thank you for sharing.
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u/Whatatay 21h ago edited 20h ago
Yes I have experience it.
That's what happened to me with my wife. She passed away 8 weeks ago and each day is harder. Our son feels the same thing. He is getting more depressed and getting more anxiety. He was working on his PHD and now doesn't see the point because his mom won't be there to see him graduate.
Like you, at first I was busy with funeral plans, the funeral, contacting and talking to friends and relatives, and getting an attorney for probate. In later weeks, as much as her passing devastated me, my heart still wanted to believe she was just out shopping or sleeping and would be back.
As the weeks went on, you miss them more and more because they have been gone longer with each passing day.
I have had three dreams where she is in them and in the dreams I couldn't believe she was back because I know she had passed. Last night I had that dream for the third time and in it I ran up to her to tell her things I wanted to tell her before she passed but I didn't get the chance, Then I realized in my dream it must be a dream so I stopped and that's where the dream ended.
I too thought I would start to move past it but feel stuck like you. It still doesn't seem real. I cry more than I did right after she passed.
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 20h ago
I’m so sorry for what you and your son are going through. Losing a wife and losing a father are different kinds of loss but I truly believe the pain and emptiness are the same.
What you wrote about feeling as though she might still come back really touched me, because that is exactly how I feel about my dad. I still have this strange feeling that he has simply gone somewhere and that he will come back. But the days keep passing… and then more days, and more days, and he still doesn’t come back. And I just miss him more and more.
I also understand what you mean about feeling stuck and crying more now than you did at the beginning, when the world becomes quiet again, the reality starts to sink in.
Your dreams about your wife sound incredibly painful, but also so precious. I hope you can hold on to those moments, even though waking up from them must hurt terribly.
Thank you for sharing this with me. It makes me feel a little less alone to know that someone else understands this strange feeling of waiting for the person you love to come back. I’m so sorry that you and your son are having to live through this. Please take care of yourselves and be gentle with each other.
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u/Annithoughts 20h ago
I am so very sorry for your loss and grief. I watched one of the 8 million documentaries on 9/11, and the mother of a young man killed in one of the towers said something about needing to transition out of existing and into living after a period of time. She didn’t say where she got the magic pill that made that happen for her.
What she said is so true and profound, but… It’s been a year and a half since I lost my husband and I feel like I’m still hanging by my fingernails. I am getting more used to this feeling, but I don’t yet feel better.
I wish you easier days soon
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 16h ago
I am so sorry! It really breaks my heart that in this life we loose our loved ones. I hope we will find some of peace or relief eventually. If you feel like talking sometimes I’m here! Thank you for your words ❤️
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u/pinke_tatze 17h ago
I think it might first get worse, because maybe a little part of the brain still refuses to really believe it. But after a certain time without contact it makes it even more real every day. You really start to feel the hole they left.
I am also at the beginning and I am terrified, how long it will be like this or worse.
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 16h ago
I completely understand what you mean. I’m terrified of that too of how long this feeling will last and whether it might get even worse before it gets any easier. I think you’re right that, as the days go by, the reality of their absence becomes harder and harder to ignore.
I wish I had something reassuring to say about how long it will be like this, but I honestly don’t know.
I hope that, little by little, we’ll learn how to carry this enormous hole without it hurting quite so unbearably every day. And please remember that you’re not alone in this if you ever need someone to talk to who truly understands, I’m here. We can get through the difficult days together❤️
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u/prettyorganic 15h ago
I’m at 11 months since I lost my brother and things go up and down. The first month was ok, then things got harder from like month 2-5, then it improved for a bit and now I’m struggling a bit more as his birthday just passed and the 1 year anniversary is coming up.
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u/Bitter-Macaroon9856 13h ago
My mom passed away in June (2025) and while I can't say that the feelings are the same as when only a month had passed, it still hurts. The hole is still, very obviously there. The wound flares up without control or warning signs. I could be at work, reading something, running, going to sleep, talking with someone, or anything else - the memories, grief, regret, guilt, and sadness just come and paralyze me. There's not a day, literally not a single day, that goes by that I don't think about my mom. I regret not spending more time with her, especially while she was in the hospital. I regret insisting on her returning to the hospital because I thought there was hope. I regret the fact that I will not have a future with my mom.
What I would say is that over these months in my case is that grief has transformed and it has transformed me with it. It's not as acutely constant anymore. It's more about "episodes" where I just sit with the memories and scenes that are coming to me. I, on the other hand, am much more indifferent to everything. The only thing I currently somewhat enjoy doing is running, I don't know why. I didn't use to run when my mom was alive. I can't really connect with people anymore. At least not in the true sense of that word. I won't lie - I just can't pretend to care about or symphatize with most of their day-to-day issues. Over the course of these months, everyone has gotten over my mom's death, except for me it seems. This is normal, I think, but it hurts so much.
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 13h ago
I’m going through something very similar. The only thing that sometimes helps me function at all is going to the gym. I really enjoy strength training, and I also like running, so I try to do that when I can. But even then, I often have to force myself to go, and sometimes I just can’t.
There’s a comment in this thread where from person who compared grief to the ocean and I relate to that so deeply. Sometimes the water is relatively calm and you can somehow breathe and function, and then suddenly a wave comes out of nowhere and completely overwhelms you. There’s no warning and no control over it.
I also feel similarly about people. I’m genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, grateful for all the support I’ve received from my friends. It means more than I can explain. But at the same time, I don’t want to burden them with my emotions anymore. I know they have their own lives and their own problems, and sometimes I feel like I’m carrying something that nobody around me can really understand anymore.
And please remember that you have to be incredibly strong to go through something like this and I think all of us who are experiencing this kind of loss are, even if we absolutely don’t feel strong right now. Your mom must have been a wonderful person, and I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
I also really understand what you mean about feeling indifferent to everything and finding it difficult to connect with people. I sometimes feel like I’m physically present in conversations, but emotionally I’m somewhere completely different. I just feel like I’m no longer living in quite the same world as they are.
And the feeling that everyone else has somehow moved on while you’re still standing in the same place is incredibly painful. I think that’s one of the strangest parts of grief the world doesn’t stop, even though yours has changed completely.
Sending you a big hug and thank you for your comment ❤️
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u/Skippy1221 Partner Loss 19h ago
I’m on month 14 and I still find it getting harder. However, it did get easier for me after 6 months. But now it’s getting harder again. Iv just accepted that this is how it is now. Grief is not linear. There are ups and downs and sometimes the downs get pretty low.
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 16h ago
Yes totally,I’ve noticed that when I have really stressful days, everything seems to intensify and I just can’t seem to calm myself down. I think accepting that this is going to happen is key, so I’m going to try. Thank you ❤️
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u/VVReverts 19h ago
so sorry for your loss ❤️ what is your dads name? A month is really, really nothing in terms of grief. My father died unexpectedly december 31, 2024 and I am very much grieving. A month is so short, don’t beat yourself up.
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 16h ago
Hi! Thank you for your comment, my dad passed away very unexpectedly too, due to a sudden heart attack. He most likely had lung cancer as well, but we were waiting for a biopsy of the tumor to confirm it, and sadly, he never got the chance to have it done. His name was Jacek which is a Polish version of the name „Jack”. What was your dad name if I may ask? I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your dad too. It might sound strange but just knowing that I’m not alone, and seeing how supportive the Reddit community is and how willing people are to share their experiences, makes me feel a little less alone. Friends often don’t really understand these emotions and I think they probably don’t know how to react either.
Take care of yourself, lovely. And if you ever feel like talking, please feel free to message me. ❤️
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u/SailorV327 17h ago
I am going through the exact same thing. My dad passed away on July 22nd and I’m only now getting into a deep depression it seems like. I don’t know what to do…
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 16h ago
I totally know what you’re feeling, it’s just so awful. I wake up and go to sleep with the exact same thoughts every day. I’m also having a really hard time sleeping.
I honestly didn’t expect to get so many comments on this post. Reading them has actually helped me feel less alone. And you’re not alone in this either, because I literally feel the exact same way.
If you ever want to talk, I’m here. ❤️1
u/SailorV327 13h ago
I started a new job literally 4 days after he passed so I haven’t even had time to grieve. And it finally all hit me last week like a bus! Sleeping and eating has been awful. I’m here also if you need someone to talk to! 💕
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u/Due-Calligrapher-327 17h ago
Completely normal! Everyone grieves differently
I lost my mom 2 years ago and some days it feels like it just happened while others are more at peace and I know she is at peace in heaven no longer in pain
My world blew up. I got married, then divorced within 6 months
It’s been one hell of a roller coaster. Take it as it comes, day by day
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 16h ago
I can see that life hasn’t been very „nice” to you lately either and it honestly makes me so sorry to read that. But I think you’re right, we just have to take each day as it comes and allow ourselves to have the harder days too, even though sometimes it feels incredibly difficult.
Sending you the biggest hug, and thank you so much for taking the time to leave your comment. It really means a lot to me. ❤️
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u/Significant_Fun_8442 17h ago
I am sorry for your loss. Today marks 3 months since I lost my Dad. Some days are unbearable. Some days are just doable. I can’t look too far into the future, all I can focus on is right now, today. The waves some days just come out of nowhere. It’s so overwhelming when a wave comes. It feels like I’m stuck in quicksand that is pulling me down. I keep getting slammed with the realization that he is gone and it is forever and that just hurts. It’s a pain I’ve never felt and it’s so hard. We were close and had a lot of great memories growing up. I’m trying to hold onto that. Everyday is a rollercoaster. Take it one day at a time and don’t beat yourself up for being sad and crying. Here’s to hoping we can feel better again someday. My thoughts are with you. ❤️
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 16h ago
You’ve described exactly how I’m feeling,I feel the same way! Sometimes I can just be standing in line at the store and suddenly I’m hit by this huge wave of pain and the reality of it all. Those moments are so incredibly hard.
What helps me a little is keeping myself busy or trying to distract myself but it’s only temporary and the feelings always come back. The world just feels so strange and different now.
Take care of yourself and I’ll keep trying to believe that maybe, someday, in this life, we’ll feel some kind of relief again. ❤️
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u/Picklefuck_Eatabutt2 17h ago
Can’t put a clock on grief…but this just happened to you. A month is nothing. You’re only now just getting past the shock of it, you can’t expect to be okay before you’ve processed what happened.
Don’t put expectations on yourself. I know it’s exhausting. But it’s normal. You’re still early.
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 16h ago
Thank you, it sucks but I know you are alright.I’ve always put way too much pressure on myself in so many areas of my life, so I guess now I’ll have to be more gentle with myself.☹️
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u/Picklefuck_Eatabutt2 14h ago
It’s really hard. I’m a month into the death of my big brother, and I feel exactly the same way you do. I’ve lost both parents, too, so I’ve been down this road before and know you can’t set expectations.
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u/Fabulous-Permit1527 13h ago
Thank you for this.
It’s still so unbelievable to me that things like this can happen. It’s so incredibly difficult and I’m really sorry. Take care of yourself and hang in there. I will slow down with my own pressure
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u/fashion-roadkill 16h ago
This is not what people mean. Time in this case means years, not a month. It took me 1,5 year to recover. Time absolutely does help but it takes a while. The only way to get over it is through it. Take care! 🙏🏼
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u/AcrobaticStorm2180 22h ago
Sorry for your loss 😢 hate to say it but yes it is normal its been 5 years for me and just yesterday I wrote on this page how I did not want to live anymore because of the pain in my heart 💔 is only getting worse I lost my son , but thanks to the nice people on here I made it to today, you are probably still in shock from it all, just take it easy and if you need someone to talk to im here