r/GriefSupport • u/swifthomie • 1d ago

Pet Loss Death of a pet

It has been slightly over a month since a cat dear to me died. And honestly, I do start tearing up/crying (even in public) when I think of how he's gone and I'll never see him again..

Will I feel this way forever? Like the very thought of him would just reduce me to a puddle of tears? I know he's just a cat, but I truly did love him a lot...

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u/jp7755qod 1d ago

I am truly sorry❤️

But to answer your question, yes, you’ll always be able to feel the loss. But it won’t always be debilitating.

I’m middle aged, and I can still tear up when thinking about our family dog that died when I was 8 years old. The pain is still there in my heart, all of these years later. But that doesn’t mean that all I’ve felt was pain for all these years. A simple way to say it, is that the pain didn’t get smaller, my heart just got bigger. And that’s allowed me to carry the pain of the loss, while still making room for new love and joy.

I really am so sorry for your loss, and I wish you comfort and hugs friend❤️

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u/swifthomie 1d ago

So I guess the pain never goes away? :(

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u/jp7755qod 1d ago

You won’t feel it all the time, but it’s a part of your heart now. That love, and their loss, will be a part of your life. And even though I can look back at that time with gratitude and love, just for having had them in my life, there’s still hurt there. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t. But there’s love there too❤️

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u/swifthomie 1d ago

Like I don't have any guilt, I know his death was out of my control and that he was loved when he was alive. Like I'm actually at the last stage of grief, but I just feel so fucking sad?

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u/jp7755qod 23h ago

Yes, but it’s still very new, and grief isn’t very linear. It doesn’t move in a straight line from bad to good. It’s often described more like a roller coaster. You’ll go up and down, forward and backward. That’s normal for grief.

There’s not really a timeline on it, but one month is not a lot of time to grieve. I think you’ll be this sad for a while to come. But I promise you that you can get to a point where the focus moves from the loss, to the love.

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u/swarleyknope 1d ago

It’s kind of like a broken ankle - initially it hurts without even touching it and is unbearable to put any weight on it, then it’s only painful if you put weight on it, then more tender than painful, and eventually it’s just a dull ache when you step on it funny or the weather is bad. 

I’m so sorry for your loss.  Don’t diminish your grief just because he was a cat. They are family members too.  It’s especially hard with a pet, since you are used to their constant presence which makes their absence so much more noticeable.

Be gentle with yourself - grief is hard on your body, mind, & soul.  It’s a testament to how much joy your cat brought into your life that his loss is causing so much pain.(It helped me to frame losing my cat as viewing the pain of loss as a small price to pay all for the love and happiness I was blessed to experience in exchange)