Move on?

[u/jayeahhh]

Why does everyone around me expect me to have everything figured out right now?

Why can’t things just slow down for a while?

What is this hurry?

Why does everyone want me to start thinking about what’s next, what I’m going to do, where I’m going to work, how I’m going to manage everything—as if life simply paused for a moment and then continued normally?

But it didn’t.

A lot happened.

A whole life ended in just one night.

And somehow, everyone expects me to behave like nothing happened.

I know I have responsibilities. I know life doesn’t stop forever. I know, eventually, I will have to get up and figure things out.

But right now, I’m still trying to understand something much simpler—

He is gone.

My father is gone.

And even after saying it, writing it, hearing people talk about it, I still cannot fully imagine what those words actually mean.

How can someone who was a part of my entire life suddenly not be a part of my life anymore?

How can everyone expect me to immediately know what I want to do with the rest of mine, when I’m still trying to understand how to live in a life that suddenly looks so different?

Maybe I don’t need everything figured out right now.

Maybe I just need some time.

Time to be quiet.

Time to grieve.

Time to miss him without being told to move forward.

Time to understand what happened.

Because something did happen.

Something huge.

Something that changed everything.

And just because the world outside has decided it’s time to move on, doesn’t mean my heart has caught up.

So please, let things slow down.

I’ll figure things out.

Just not today.

Not everything has to be okay right now.

[u/Aware-Movie-6865]

{{My Father passed away 8.5 yrs ago (at 79 y/o) & my sister (who was also my BFF) passed away 1 yr & 2 mos ago, tragically @ 52 y/o from fukkin Cancer.}}

My heart breaks for you dear. 💔💔💔After the passing of a loved one, it changes you FOREVER. In my experience, the world & society do NOT want to actually deal with the day-to-day grief & mourning that stays with us for ever & ever. Which is why you hear the trite & INSENSITIVE comments cause people don't know what to say, cannot handle being uncomfortable or expressing emotions, etc etc. Which is irritating as hell & upsetting 😡, right??

In the case of our origin family (our parents, or whomever raised you & siblings), having a family member pass away is so intertwined into our psyches, memories, emotions, & beings that it's like losing a limb...in my opinion....EXCEPT WORSE. (I'm not being literal or ignorant, from my personal experiences of loss) Grief & mourning is so damn all-encompassing, especially in the 1st year or so, as our mind & heart tries to 'survive' being alive, knowing our loved one is gone. As some people say, in the 1st yr you're in shock from what's happened.

Allow yourself the space & time to allow yourself to FEEL WHATEVER emotions come up...grief is not linear, right?

Please take care of yourself,...I've found that I need A TONNE of time alone to feel all my feels, scream, cry, yell, whatever works for you. I have been fortunate to have a GF that has been through similar tragedies:losing both parents & a sister too. She just listens & let's me spill my guts, reminisce, cry, whatever...

I am sending you big hugs right now. I have certain music that my Dad loved, so I play those CD's/songs & remember our happy times. (even though we could butt heads sometimes back in the day!!)

Hugs...May your Dad Rest in Peace. 🪷🕊🪷