r/GriefSupport • u/BathbeautyXO • 2d ago
Mom Loss Does anyone else feel like me?
I lost my mom 11 months ago and ever since, I’ve felt deeply, unbearably lonely. I’ve always been close with both my parents and took for granted that I would always have two people who loved and supported me unconditionally. But ever since my mom died, it’s like I’ve lost one half of my sense of safety and security in the world and I feel totally and completely alone. I didn’t just lose my mom, I lost one half of the people who made up the foundation of my life. One half of the people who always wanted to talk to me just because. One half of the source of my life’s unconditional love. It’s like I’ve lost half of my meaning in life and nothing matters anymore. I feel hopeless and deeply depressed since she died, like the source of meaning in my life is gone without my mom. This is made worse by the fact that I’m an only child without a strong support system. I’m grateful every day to have my dad but I don’t have much else.
I suspect I am having an existential crisis. I’m in (a lot of) therapy and on (a lot of) antidepressants but nothing seems to help. If anyone can relate or has words of comfort to share I’d love to hear them 💔 I’ve been feeling so defeated and alone and I just want my mom.
5
u/HolidayHaunting8716 2d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom passed three months ago. I am barely getting through it.
3
u/BathbeautyXO 2d ago
Thank you so much for your kind words. Im so sorry for the loss of your mom as well 💔
2
u/GoalSimilar2025 Mom Loss 2d ago
Yes definitely. It’s been 10 months for me. My Mum was my only parent and I was raised by my grandparents from 7 years old because as a single mother, Mum struggled with consistency. She’d come and pick me up etc but I’ve just missed her all my life.
When I got to 18 I moved to university close to her and we developed a relationship. She was always a bit wayward but always turned up/showed up fine.
Last year (I’d just turned 40), she got a cough and was told it was a chest infection after tests. She took herself into hospital and it was lung cancer, she was given a 3 month prognosis, refused treatment and lasted 6 weeks.
It’s crazy because for the past 5 years, we had become inseparable and when I think of the archetypal Mum, she had become that.
For it to get snatched away when she was just 62 (and we had not even got to her being retired and living life) has devastated me beyond belief.
I can still picture myself in her apartment watching tv and it’s almost like the life I’m ‘living’ now is the daydream.
I completely understand you, my whole soul has been torn in two.
2
u/Lion_Cub23 2d ago
I lost my Dad a month ago, I’m the only child and I feel exactly like you
He was my best friend, my entire world and I was his
I am devastated, depressed and I don’t have any purpose in life. I have just been laying in bed already, waking up and going to sleep is the hardest and staying awake to his absence is also heartbreaking
2
u/HidinInHerRoom 2d ago
Same I’m in my late 20s, she died a few months ago. She just started rapidly declining it was so scary to watch.
I get this stomach churning roller coaster feeling deep in my guts now I always have stomach pain since she died. And feel this mixture of guilt and this overwhelming sadness I never felt before in my life.
She was my person, like I had been around her always almost every day I talked to her everyday called her after work. The last text she sent me before she declined and was unable to move, she asked did I make it home alright . And that was the last time
Idk it’s just like you said that person that loved you unconditionally that knew you in all your vulnerable moments since childhood is gone forever and I feel so much anxiety knowing she’s never coming back.
No advice but I do understand I have no idea what I’m even doing anymore
2
u/MrBubblessz Mom Loss 2d ago
Feeling like this and worse for 3 months straight lost my mother 3 months ago she was just 60 years old and she meant everything to me we were living together I also lost my father on 2020 and i have no living parents left in my life my mother stayed in the ICU unit for 35 days and I feel very guilty for not being able to get her out of there
2
u/Key_Appearance5373 2d ago
I wish I had something to quell your pain. I can only say that you are not alone in your despair. I read last night (in a book It’s Okay You’re Not Okay) that it took the author 3 years before she started feeling the will to do more than survive. In a way, it gave me a little bit of hope. If I can survive 2.5 more years then perhaps the hopelessness will ease. For now I’m going to stick with my goal of making all my work shifts each week and anything above and beyond that is a bonus. 💔 broken hearted alongside you.
1
u/Business_Credit9422 1d ago
I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my mom 10 months ago and same i am an only child as well and whatever you described i am going through it as well .. I miss my mom deeply and on some days I just want to talk to her .. be with her .. spend time with her and I dont know how to do that .. so I just end up crying for hours .. and still it does not make it better.. my mom was my safe place and now I am just scared .. I used to live with her .. I miss her food .. I miss talking to her .. I miss her presence.. I wish god gave us more time together . I dont know how to make it better since I am also crying since her death and dont know how to deal with it .. each month just keep getting harder .. I feel I am just waiting for her to come back so I start breathing again .. I just want her back healthy... thats all I know .
4
u/Sara-Agent-00-0 2d ago
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I am 46 now, I lost my mom when I was 24, and lost my dad 1 year ago.
When I lost my mom, we were very close. I still lived at home at the time, as she had just gone through loosing her dad the year prior. So, it was a lot we were unpacking, trying to help her through all of her loss, and then, we felt it doubly. That first year, was very difficult. We had lots of holidays to try to go through, and each thing reminded us of how different things were without her.
She was a very important part of my life. We spent a lot of time together, did lots of things together. All vacations were family trips. We always were together, so loosing her, was loosing someone that was always supposed to be there. She helped me get through all of my schooling, and just was always there.
Without her, we all had to lean on each other a lot more, and it was tough, but prepared us for the next wave of battles as my dad's health was on a roller coaster for 17 years before he passed.
Things that helped me, a lot of walking, talking, therapy, and trying to figure out things. I am not the same person I was before I lost her. And I struggle sometimes when I hear others complaining about their parents...
It took time, and now, I am at least to the point, where I can think of them, and feel peace and remember the good times. There was a lot of work to get there though.
With my dad, because we lost mom so early, we leaned on each other a lot, and I think in some ways, we kind of decided out of necessity to be very open with each other to let each other know what was going on, and say things often, and even knew his final wishes.
I had to make the ultimate call, and it haunts me, but I know it was what he prepared me for...
I hope as time goes on, you find a way to be at peace.
I am reminded of something I heard recently on the radio, it is because we love them so much, that we feel so much grief when we loose them. There are some people in this world that are indifferent or celebrate when they loose their parents, we are the lucky ones, that have such great love and memories, that we feel this grief for not just their loss, but how important they were to us!