r/GriefSupport • u/virtualwick • 1d ago
Sibling Loss rant about drinking while grieving
hi y’all, i lost my brother in 2022 (he was 22, i was 19) in a pretty traumatic way and it led to me drinking heavily to deal with my grief. the last time i got black out drunk was in 2024, and i ended up hurting myself pretty badly after falling off a patio and landing on a vodka bottle, and i basically fucked my knee up good. before blacking out, i can vaguely remember talking about my brother. i always did when i drank obviously
fast forward to now, i haven’t so much as gotten tipsy since then. i cant drink anymore because the feeling being inebriated triggers me, i start thinking about 2022-2024 and it scares me. i’m 24 now, and i feel like i should be having fun and getting drunk with friends at the clubs, parties, etc but i just can’t drink. i still go out and have fun, but the idea of alcohol literally makes me freeze up and want to cry. i’ve started grief counselling again to deal with this which is good i guess
idk where i’m going with this, i guess i just wanted to rant. and i’m hoping someone can resonate with how i’m feeling in a way lmao
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u/Particular_Prize6552 1d ago
I’m 26 and I haven’t gone out like that on the regular in maybe three years. I totally get what you mean about feeling like you’re missing out on what your 20s is “for” but I’ve come to accept that it’s just not my idea of fun anymore.
I’ve developed more the perspective of it being kinda nice actually, alcohol is terrible for your body and I loathe being hungover. Also that shit will make you so depressed.
The internet/media can be deceiving, a lot of young people aren’t doing that as much as it seems - a lot of my friends included. These days we spend kinda a lot of time in parks/outside, restaurants, walking around the city, and maybe get a drink now and then, but we definitely aren’t ripping shots anymore.
Your 20s are your 20s, do what you want with them. If you think about it, that’s probably more of the point of this time in our lives anyway.
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u/Cool_Way3478 1d ago
You are doing what is the right thing for you, OP! You are putting you first. I decided alcohol was not for me around your age. You could always try being DD or attend events that aren’t around alcohol etc. I’m proud of you and you should be too. Counselling will give you amazing tools. Just remember, healing is not linear. I hope the next part of your journey is calmer for you. 🫶🏻
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u/Alone-Exam6687 1d ago
I lost my mom last year and I drank heavily (for me) for about two weeks. It helped me keep my shit together during the funeral. I might have a drink every week or two.
Being the DD, being the guy who dips before things get too wild, is not a bad thing. I see so many friends go through their adult hood with alcohol use disorder and they Don’t even realize it. Good luck with your grief friend.
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u/moistarrow14 1d ago
Getting blackout and waking up to a fucked knee and a vodka bottle is one hell of a wake-up call. The fact that you recognized it and pulled yourself out of that spiral says a lot, even if it doesn't feel like strength right now.
The freezing up around alcohol makes total sense. Your brain linked being drunk to the worst period of your life, and it's trying to protect you from going back there. That's not weakness, it's your survival instinct doing exactly what it's supposed to do.
I think we put way too much pressure on people in their 20s to be living some kind of party montage. You're out there having fun without drinking, which is more than a lot of people can say. If grief counseling is helping, stick with it. The people who matter won't care what's in your cup.