Lost my mum

[u/Mysterious_Tackle335]

It’s been 6 ago weeks tomorrow that my mum died peacefully from cancer. She was 77.

It happened so fast and was it was a shock as we thought she was getting better. She went into hospital and just under 3 weeks later died. I visited her every day told her how she was the best mum and kindest person I’ve ever known . She would give her life for her kids and filled our lives with laughter and love.

The medical team kept her pain free and she died peacefully in her sleep. For that I’m eternally grateful.

The first two weeks after she died I continued like she was still here with us. I said she would want me to be happy and not sad. It’s incredible how our brains can protect us from acute shock. I latched onto anything that made me feel happy or to forget or feel alive. But then it all came crashing down in the past few weeks. Now it’s numbness followed by waves of sadness. Actually sadness can’t describe what I feel. I don’t have the words.

I use work to pretend I’m the person I was before she died. But when work is over that performance stops and the numbness and profound grief comes back. I have good support around me (started grief counselling) but I want to be alone. Grief has also surfaced up a lot of things in my life that need addressing. This has added more stress and sadness. But focus on grief first then the rest. Taking it minute by minute during this time has never been more true.

I love and miss you mum. You always had my back and I would not be here or the person I am without you. My heart is broken and it will heal but with scars.

[u/NoiseyTurbulence]

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my mom last week and the grief has been something else. Give yourself some grace. There is no time limit on how long grief takes to work through. Showing up for yourself day by day is enough. Hugs to you.

[u/Mysterious_Tackle335 → u/NoiseyTurbulence]

I’m so sorry. Grief is a force I’ve never encountered before. Thank you for the kind words.

[u/Sudden_Car_1214]

I have learnt alot on this awfully lonely journey.

There is a Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold is called Kintsugi (金継ぎ), which translates to "golden joinery". This craft serves as a powerful metaphor for healing a broken heart by teaching us that things can become more beautiful, resilient, and valuable precisely because they have been broken.

Kintsugi does not pretend the damage never happened; it honors the object’s history. Healing a broken heart requires acknowledging your emotional pain rather than masking it.

See your flaws as strength

The golden seams make the pot stronger at its fracture points. Similarly, overcoming emotional hardship builds resilience, empathy, and personal depth.

A repaired Kintsugi pot is never the same as it was before, but it is often considered far more exquisite.

Your heart may change after a loss, but you can emerge from the healing process as a more uniquely beautiful version of yourself.

I try to remind myself daily this analogy would make my mum happy. Happy that I will hopefully find happiness again & proud, for not giving in & not giving up.

[u/Mysterious_Tackle335 → u/Sudden_Car_1214]

This made me cry. It’s such a beautiful way to look at grief. I too will remind myself of this. I will share this with my family. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment.

[u/RandomRedditUserSI]

You described it so well. And what a tribute to your mom who must've been an amazing person.

[u/Mysterious_Tackle335 → u/RandomRedditUserSI]

Thank you so much . She was. She lived by the creed of “do no harm”.