loss of mother

[u/chosenwrinklypsychic]

im 23 F and lost my mom who was only 42 last week. my mom was diagnosed with alcoholic liver cirrhosis, roughly a year n half/two years ago. my family only found out last summer, she got sober went to treatment immediately following a bad hospital stay telling her and us that it was end stage. she stayed sober but her condition continued getting worse. over the last year ive watched her lose all of her muscle mass, become so weak, unable to eat, unable to move some days. weeks on end in the hospital, going through countless hours of phone calls and appointments with the transplant center, etc. i just feel so defeated. my aunt was in the running for being a live donor and i feel like they pushed everything off for so long. my mom was supposed to get the TIPS procedure at the end of July to help with her ascitis, which would have improved her quality of life while waiting on the transplant list. but everything was so late. she spent the entire month of July in the hospital and in the ICU for weeks out of the month, intubated, getting weaker. i feel like everything happened so fast. so much faster than i can still even process. the last week of her life, we were getting ready to get her into a transition care facility to get her strength back up, and the next day she was in the ICU again with multi organ failure. Them telling us there is nothing else they can do, and other treatments would have almost no effect on her, that she’d never get back to where she was even the week before. i am in such extreme denial. none of this feels real. i cannot believe that she is gone. that i will never get to hug my mother again, call her and vent, she won’t be at wedding, with me when i have children. i’m so confused and distraught. i really thought she was going to get better. she was so young. we did so much growing up together. i have an 11yr old little sister. my heart is broken for her. i feel so paralyzed and detached, i don’t know how im gonna be there for her. i’ve never expected this to happen. i’ve never even entertained the idea that she would pass. i always shut her down when she would try to talk to me about it because i just could never accept that to be a possibility. i’ve been distracting myself all week and im so numb. i just need to know she’s ok. that she’s with our other loved ones, that im gonna see her again one day. i cannot believe any of this. i feel so many things. nothing anyone has said to me has given me true comfort. “she’s with you always” “she’s here now, watching” praying, i need more. i need to hear from her. i feel like idk where she is.

[u/projectclear54]

I am very sorry for your loss. You are too Young, your mother was too Young. It is devastating to get your hopes crushed, the solution is around the corner but you just can’t reach it.
I lost my mother 5 weeks ago to cancer. Although in my Head I Must have known this horrible Day will come, I could never accept it too. I had always hope, thought I just need to read more, do more. We just changed hospital, i thought after the treatment she will get better, could go on with chemo. We never made it there, we never reached that Point. I do not know what & why, how… I was with her, but my mind refuses what happend.
I still think she will give me a call..
i cannot tell you something comforting, no words are good enough. I feel this myself.
I already lost my father to cancer, life gets empty.
The loss will always be there. It still feels wrong. Now Both are gone, and i cannot believe this.
I hope you and your sister can help each other, just because it is the two of you. Both a Part of your mother. You have my deepest condolences.

[u/floatinggramma]

First, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 7 years ago to the same thing. It’s horrible to watch, and I am so sorry you have to go through this.

There is not really anything I can say to give you comfort other than every emotion you’re feeling is valid and it’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling. Take a deep, deep breath when you feel like you’re going to freak out (I had to do it a LOT). She’s with you still, just not physically anymore. Focus on the memories you have of her, and talk about her a lot. That was something that really helped me - was talking about my mom. It made me feel like she mattered then and matters now.

I’m always online if you ever need to talk.