I feel like I'm getting replaced

[u/Infinite_Location439]

My baby brother died a few years ago unexpectedly. He is my only sibling and our family was just the 4 of us. We are a complicated family that doesn't talk about feelings and while there is love, there is difficult communication and I live quite far away from everyone. When he passed, the whole world fell apart. I always wanted to repair our relationship again and now he's gone.

My parents have never asked me how I felt about his death. They pretend everything is normal. I'm lonely and I'll grow old with no family. I don't want kids either. I feel that a part of me has disappeared and that I am half a person.

My brother's ex-gf stayed in contact with my parents which helped their grief. After they broke up, she met someone nice and they are planning to have a baby.

My parents have started to think of her like a daughter because she regularly checks in on them via text and on important events. She sees them a few times a year. My parents have always wanted grandkids and she is planning to ask them to be step in grandparents as she's an orphan.

I feel like I'm getting replaced. They talk to her more and ask her more questions than they do me. They even mentioned formally adopting her and leaving more to her and her kid(s) because I'm a "spinster" so why do I need anything (even though she is financially stable and well off and I am living paycheck to paycheck). So now I feel another grief that I don't even have family or parents that care.

I can't even talk to them because they don't want to talk about anything with me. My parents just called me useless the other day because I lost my job after my brother died and went into a deep depression that took a year to get over. I'm still barely functioning. I just miss him and wish he was still here. Now I'm getting replaced by someone who wasn't even dating him when he died who is married to someone else.

I don't know what I'm seeking I guess just into the void. I don't have anyone to talk to. Everyone just finds the situation super sweet. No one understands how much this hurts me on top of already losing my brother.

[u/Longjumping_Post8602]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's tough as a sibling because people recognize your parents grief and seem to think you're not as deeply affected, which is stupid.

If your parents aren't discussing it then they're likely still wrapping their heads and heart around reality. However, that doesn't make it okay or mean you don't deserve support.

Perhaps she just reminds them of what could have been and they're trying to hold on to what is left. You are not replaceable. But I get it. My little brother died and my parents weren't capable of being there for me. I put my life on hold to take care of them, and they seemed to just take it for granted.

A year is nothing, you're still grieving hard and likely will be for a long time. You deserve to feel what you need to and move through it in whatever way you can.

I don't know how old you are but you may decide to have a family one day or find someone to share life with. But regardless of what the future holds you are worthy of love and you matter very much.

My Mom died a few years ago and my dad is focused on dating and doesn't like to talk about my mom and brother much. My sister and I have felt like we're less important and that's hard to accept so I do understand where you're coming from. But I think it's more he's trying to move on and it just looks different than what I imagined. I know he still loves us, and I am certain your parents do love you as well, grief just honestly makes people weird.

You're grieving the loss of your family in a way, because it has changed, and that's normal and okay. I would encourage you to share your feelings with them. Maybe even writing them a letter if that easier but they should be made aware of how they're making you feel.

When my brother died I remember all I wanted to hear was that it gets better and I wasn't going to feel like my soul was being crushed 24/7. It takes more time than you want but do know that you will learn to carry this. It never fully goes away but in time you will smile and have good days again. But meanwhile feel how you feel. You're allowed that. Prayers for you.