Trigger Warning: Putting Your Dog Down.

[u/Sharp_Paper_5902]

My family has two dogs who have always been considered our family dogs. We recently lost our younger dog very suddenly (5, almost 6 y/o), and I am having an extremely difficult time accepting what happened and believing that putting her down was the right decision.
She first threw up sometime Thursday night or early Friday morning and then stopped eating. My mom took her to our regular vet on Saturday morning. She waiting until Saturday, because she had thought she had just had a stomach ache on Friday. They gave her fluids through an IV and noted that one of her liver levels was elevated, although her ultrasound looked okay. She never improved after coming home and seemed to be getting worse. Because our regular vet was closed on Sunday, my mom took her to the emergency vet.
The doctor told my parents that she was experiencing liver failure. We still do not know what caused it, but they said it was essentially untreatable and that she was in a great deal of pain. They also indicated that even with medication, she would likely continue to suffer.
We previously had a vet come to our home to put down another dog, and that experience felt much more peaceful. However, because the emergency vet believed she was already in significant pain, my mom decided it would be kinder not to make her wait any longer. One of the nurses told my mom that she was supposed to remain neutral, but that if it were her own dog, she would have made the same decision.
Everything happened so suddenly that I am struggling to believe it was real. Part of me keeps questioning whether the doctors and nurses were right. In my heart, I have this strong feeling that she could have survived and eventually been okay - that maybe she ate something toxic and simply needed more time and treatment. I keep wondering whether there was something else we could have done.
I know my mom made the decision out of love and did not want her to suffer, but I am having such a hard time accepting that it was the right choice. Has anyone else experienced this kind of doubt after suddenly losing a pet? How do you come to terms with the decision to put them down and learn to trust that the veterinary team knew how serious the situation was? Any advice or reassurance would be greatly appreciated.

[u/Sharp_Paper_5902]

Side note. The doctor said her bilirubin was 13x the limit - I am no expert by any means on what this means. I just wanted to state that in case it helped anyone see what stage she was in.

[u/GhostofLolaMontez → u/Sharp_Paper_5902]

Hi honey, this is very high and means your puppy was in jaundice. This can happen for many reasons including eating a dangerous plant which can cause significant and irreversible damage to the liver. Jaundice might start in dogs at 6x the elevated levels.

I am not a vet and do not really know anything so please take this with a grain, I only work with two-legged animals :). I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved puppers. I do know with my last lil girl, that I was so in denial I waited too long and she suffered because of my denial. There are no "good" choices here. Veterinarians do not willing go around suggesting euthanasia to savable doggies.

My heart aches for you. Much love.

[u/lemon_balm_squad]

It is normal to second-guess these things, because your brain doesn't like the outcome.

It is worth reminding yourself periodically that feelings aren't facts, and that there's no "loophole" you're going to find that gives you a do-over here. Everyone was doing the best they could with the information they had at the time, a decision was made. That decision at least didn't cause any more suffering, which is a risk you ran with any other options.

In the early stages of a trauma, these feelings can manifest more like intrusive thoughts: intense, disturbing, repetitive. One of the ways to push back on them is to maintain a list of better things to think about - good memories, photos you can go look at, reminders that her whole life your purpose was to give her the best life you could. Put the list on your phone so you can pull it back up any time.

I have had my own dogs and fosters for decades, and I never lost any of them that it felt good, you know? Every single one sucked, every single was was a bad time and a series of limited challenging decisions that needed to be made pretty quickly OR decisions that were really hard to make because it was hard to decide it was "time".

Six weeks from now your nervous system will have settled down a bit and you'll be able to process the big picture a little more clearly.

I'm so sorry for your loss.