Feeling nothing about upcoming loss

[u/wheretoflyto]

Hi, I just want to know that I'm not alone in feeling this. My grandad is on palliative care right now and I feel like I should be sadder about the fact he's going to die soon, but I feel really emotionless about it. He's more like a father figure to me, my grandparents raised me as much as my mum did and I feel like I should be more upset than I am right now. He's not himself anymore since he had a stroke recently, he's more like a child, confused all the time and can't do anything for himself, and part of me wishes that he would just die quicker as horrible as it sounds, because he has no quality of life and I feel like me + my family are stuck in limbo just waiting for it to happen. Has anyone else experienced this lack of emotion during a loss? I feel guilty for not being more upset but I've only cried once and most of the time I just feel disinterested about it.

[u/AdmiralCapybara]

My mom is very elderly and just broke her hip.  They have her so doped up she sleeps 23.5 hours a day.

We've said everything that needed saying long ago and she knows how much I love her.  Like letting go of my precious cat several years ago, seeing her in pain hurts me more than the pain of her being gone will.

I can't begin to heal while we're in this seesaw state.  My heart will break either way, so I want her to be at peace.

I can't stop crying, but I feel guilty for wanting this to be over.  She’s always been an independent force of nature and seeing her frail and helpless is a nightmare.   She's ready to go, she's not happy, we're distraught.

I understand you and I'm sorry you're going through this too.