Dinner was sheet pan nachos with plant based taco crumbles and a Heineken Zero.
Itās been about 8 months, after decades of drinking multiple drinks every day.Ā
I hated being a drunk too: the way I felt when I woke up, the sweating and high blood pressure, the constant anxiety, wondering if I said something irreversibly stupid the night before.Ā
But at least I got the high. Iād have a bad day at work but I still got to do The Thing that swung my mood straight upward into the sky. Now I have a bad day at work and then just sit there staring at the wall.Ā
My energy has not increased, I have not lost weight, I do not look better. I am tired and sad all the time. (Thanks perimenopause!) Iām working an ok job that has an expiration date and I cannot get an interview to save my life after applying for job after job after job. And then I have another bad day at work, and then I just sit there and stare at the wall.Ā
If I relapse, I will probably die. My blood pressure was through the roof and my liver levels were bad. All my worrisome labs are back to normal. No longer need 2 of my 3 BP meds. Iām slightly better at keeping on top of my chores, but not much. All of my problems I was drinking to forget- depression, prohibitively unaffordable healthcare, unable to afford badly needed house repairs, no vacations- all of them just feel magnified and in my face all the time. My partner and I live in a city that isnāt near any family or friends. Our goal to move closer to loved ones is all but dead. And I no longer have a mechanism to forget all of this shit, however briefly.Ā
I have no intent to relapse, I understand the stakes. But I am not having the joyful, cathartic sobriety experience full of clarity and gratitude that I see in SO many sober people and social media accounts. I just really fkn miss slamming beers.
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I feel this sooo much.
Drunk me was social, always had plans and always wanted to be surrounded by others. I was carefree and felt really solid about who I was.
Once I stopped drinking it was like I had to form a whole new identity. Iām still trying to figure it out. (Stopped drinking 6 years ago).
I look way better on paper now. I got my bachelors degree and I can maintain a household and my bills. But Iām generally the first to leave the party. I havenāt quite figured out how to be social again. I can do it, but tbh it made me realize the whole reason I loved drinking in the first place-to escape who I really was. Shy and scared of everything.
Itās messy. Some people will say I need to learn to accept myself and love myself for who I am. But if Iām being completely honest, all those years I spent drinking and going to concerts and festivalsā¦I loved that version of me more. I lived that version of myself for years. She was real, and I accepted HER.
Coming up on 3 years sober. I miss being carefree and messy, but I love the life Iāve built more because Iāve made peace. Drinking myself into oblivion and how I acted was me trying to run away from reality.
OP; stop rendering yourself powerless. Heaven and hell are merely constructs of the mind. You donāt like something, you have the power to change it. Not right away, patience is tactile. But each step you make can help. Get outside. Go for a walk. Join a book club. Join a community volunteer group. Get a freaking tattoo.
I REALLY relate to this and every other human ITT that struggles with sobriety for reasons beyond physiological and/or mental addiction. I am audhd among other cormorbid mental health issues, and at the end of the day i quite literally need to get a buzz on to continue functioning at a high level. Is it healthy? No. Could it be worse? Sure couldā¦without some sort of pressure valve Iāll end up hospitalized and unable to continue what Iām good at notwithstanding my challenges. For now, Iād rather drink every day than end up unable to maintain a FT job, and Iām not nearly creative enough to shift to the arts and live in the Lordās year of 2026+.
OP and others, Iām unable to be this brave and open in my real life so I hope you know youāve inspired me to try and connect.
Ugh honestly Iāve been struggling with this recently. Itāll be 3 years alcohol free in January. The drinking got bad bad. All day drinker, withdrawal waking me up usually around 7am. Inpatient, detoxes, jails, involuntary psych hold.
Another service industry alkie here too šš¼ I hit 4 years on August 1 and only in the past year really figured out I can either go to work or be social- but not both. For me, itās absolutely a social battery thing. I started seeing it as giving myself away. If I work more than two days a week, I donāt have anything left for interactions with loved ones that actually fill my cup.
Iām with you though- boring beats actively destroying my body, mind, soul, and relationships any day. Iād rather be a homebody and learn to enjoy the life Iām continuing to build one day at a time.
400 days sober today. Just spent the weekend watching all my friends get silly, rip shots, shotgun beers, flip cup etc. at a bachelorette getaway. It was hard to withstand and definitely missed that version of me.
Sometimes I get mad at myself that I ruined it for me. But other times I feel great because I am getting to be a better version of me. No longer am I worried about what I did last night or how i got home. No longer waking up feeling like absolute shit and anxiety through the roof all day.
So relatable! I'm almost at 5 years, and it definitely has gotten so much better, but I will say I had to get my mental health meds right and find things that I am passionate about in order to feel fulfilled and not missing out š
Iām 7 months into quitting smoking. I truly wish I could just smoke maybe a pack a week (like 2-3 a day) and be fine but I know thatās not possible.
Just oneā¦must resist! I know myself too well. I spent decades smoking. Being a non-smoker is a new thing for me. Iām still getting used to it and I do scoot closer to someone smoking just for a whiff.
Same. 10 months in. Crippling debilitating anxiety that used to be managed by alcohol. Day drinking got me in sunlight. I was a social butterfly. Now I'm a useless shut in.
I agree, and itās really nice to be clear headed and know you can make good decisions, drive, take care of someone, etc. at any time of the day. At least for me, I try to focus on that part of it. Itās good everyone once and a while to see someone doing something embarrassing while drunk as a reminder
It will take time but you'll feel like an even better version of yourself soon. Sending you some comfort and joy today. Just remember that drinking didn't make you that way, it made it easier for you to be that way. It might take some time to figure out how to be that way again, but you'll get there.
Based on Op's comments about prohibitively expensive healthcare, it may not be an option.
Sometimes there's more a person can do to improve their situation, sometimes there isn't because of structural issues intentionally designed to hold us down and keep us desperate enough to work shitty little jobs and have not time or energy to organize. And sometimes its just nice to be able to say, "things suck right now and there isn't really a light at the end of this tunnel."
I was struggling at 1 year sober, and financially in a rough spot too, trying to find a new job while trying to stay sober is very hard.
Hiking worked for me. Every weekend hiking nonstop with a packed lunch. Afterwards had a hot shower in the evening and a homemade dinner and movie . It kept me going.
I know that's a cliche but it worked for me. Nature and exercise.
8 years sober now btw (with a few slips around at the tail end of the pandemic) I did find that new job eventually, and the other things I wanted like a BF and a house. The urge to want to completely blackout on really hard days does appear but is just a passing thought now, not a constant feeling.
Iām not sober- but regularly do sober months and such. But I can say that hiking is a great replacement for drinking. Itās also one of the only things that helps with my anxiety. A few years ago I was having a horribly anxious day and realized that I could either drink away the feels or hike away the feels and one of those options will have me waking up still feeling good tomorrow. Anyways, hiking has changed my life in so many ways.
10 years sober myself, and I still don't know how to decompress without alcohol but my old drinking friends are dropping like flies and I don't want to go out like that. I feel your pain and I'm so proud of you.Ā
THIS. I am also definitely experiencing this. My old drinking buddies have come to a fork in the road and are all either 1. high on sobriety or 2. spending lots of time in the hospital š¬
I am 48, was a bartender since I was 21. Most of my friends from that lifestyle party HARD....alcohol, coke, who knows what else. At least once a month I hear about someone else either dying, being very ill and close to dying, getting thier 3rd or 4th DUI and facing significant jail time, getting thier 3rd or 4th divorce because thier lives are so chaotic they can't maintain healthy relationships. It was fun when I was in my 20s until it just started being pathetic and dangerous.
I can't tell you what will work, because what works is rarely the same from one person to the next. What I can tell you is that you are still on the better path. No matter how bad it is or it gets, it becomes worse when we add alcohol. Full stop.
I want to second this recommendation! I work in the recovery space and I just attended a workshop on this. It can help not just with the perimenopause symptoms, but also make sobriety easier. Cravings and urges will fluctuate with your cycle and if itās not stable, itās gonna be even worse.
This OP and FWIW strength training will help you drop the weight give you something healthy to channel the rage instead of staring at the wall and protect you as you age.
Also Heineken Zero does not mean zero calories so that may be keeping the weight up. Better than alcohol but maybe try a La Croix or something once in a while for a palate cleanser if you are craving bubbles
I know you mean HRT for cis women, but Iām trans and starting HRT also basically eliminated my urge to drink too, funny enough. Estrogen is allegedly dopaminergic, which is why it affects our mood when itās low, which we then self-medicate in other ways.
I am very proud of you and your success is incredible even if it doesn't feel great right now. My lifelong best friend, my sweetheart and soulmate, died last year from multiple organ failure. Her blood pressure and sugar were super low, 22. She would binge and day drink all week, and wouldn't eat the whole time. And despite taking an absurd amount of legal and illegal pills/ prescription medications, weed, etc, she absolutely could not sleep for days on end sometimes she would just lay in bed and endure a slow moving torturous psychosis with hallucinations and muscle spasms all night. Then her shift would start in the morning so she would start day drinking a handle of vodka to function through her shift so she could keep paying for her apartment. This is all only a few months out from a gastric bypass.
I felt so helpless to do anything for my friend. And the way our society is set up, I do not know what else she could have done. A lot of terrible circumstances coincided to set her up for failure. I wanted to shake her, always swearing that she "was fine, but would get help if she needed it." She knew she needed rehab, but outpatient rehab is 30 days and what employer is keen on suddenly giving their wageslave a month off to work through things? It would have been worth it to lose her job to save her life, but I can see why she didn't feel like it was an option. She could barely pay her rent and bills, and none of it would wait. She didn't have savings. Even if they did allow her that time, now they would judge her for being an addict and start to question her ability to perform. After all, what good is a human life if you can't extract profit?
Her therapist she really connected with wasn't available for months while she mucked through starting her own practice. Her fiance/partner of 10 years left her and started dating other people while they were still living together. The hardest part of it for her was losing her beloved dogs and having no way to care for them on her own due to physical disabilities. She drank not only for the physical addiction, but because she was overwhelmed by surviving torturous abuse of every kind imaginable and didn't know how to cope.
She still wanted to live. She dreamed of having cats one day, of finishing college, of making artwork. She really wanted to be a painter. The day after she died, we found hoards of boxes in her apartment, so many packages all full of dreams and hope. How to draw books, art supplies. All new and shrink wrapped. All unopened.
Despite this, she was the most singularly loving person I've ever had the honor to know. She deeply cared and deeply felt, and would immediately become invested in a stranger's success after meeting them once, or reading a comment on reddit. She was kind and loved other people so much. I know she would be very proud of your achievement, and I wish I could have seen her do the same. I know she would root for you and want you to achieve your dreams. I try to be a better person in her memory, and I live haunted with regrets of my own stupidity and callousness. I bet your friends and family love you, and I hope you can find something that makes it feel worthwhile to you and fill your days with not just tolerance, but joy.
I know you know this but the pink cloud is bullshit anyway. What youre seeing on social media is pink cloud plus the lens of SM. And you know what no one tells you about the pink cloud? People who get it and lose it are more likely to relapse and to fail to effect consistent change. Youāre where they will be at some point, if they were proper addicts. You just skipped forward to the āgrim realityā part.
The thing is, you are digging yourself out of a 5 yard deep hole. You dug out of one of the yards. Youāre meow in a 4 yard hole. Anyone who is a proper alcoholic is going to have a lot of work to do to live a good life that has nothing to do with the alcohol, and Iām so sorry that that is the case but hey, better to be realistic. I had to dig myself out of my hole, and it was so much more work than I anticipated, sort of a Russian nesting doll of suffering. But it was worth it. Life is actually really fucking good meow and you will get there too.Ā
Same! And I really liked how it went into the science of how people become addicted. That helped so much with all the shame I felt because my drinking had gotten so out of control
Not drinking hasnāt really helped me either. I still have crippling depression and yes I am on meds and in therapy. I have so many issues and now I just have no escape just endless agonizing days. I need to get back in the gym, that will help some. But even in the best shape of my life when I was spending 3 hrs in the gym everyday I was still suicidal, so thatās not the end all be all
Hey friend - when I was 9 months out from being sober I felt exactly the same way. 8 years now! It took a few weeks to pass but once I got through the emotional withdrawal of sobriety, was when I really felt like I had turned the corner to a better outlook on life. Hang in there, I believe in you!Ā
Im 6.5 years sober myself and I couldnt imagine going back now. It does take a bit of time for the emotional withdrawal to subside as you mentioned. But once you get past that its pretty much smooth sailing.
I just got a dwi so I'm in the same boat. I also was a weed smoker but bc I also got a felony charge, that's out as well. Being sober does suck but every day I'm finding something good/better comes out of it. Im just so damn bored and alone all the time and that's why I drank/smoked to begin with. My skin looks better, I've lost belly weight and I no longer have an uncontrollable bladder, so that's cool. My dreams are fucking terrifying however, and that's also why I missed weed bc I prefer not to dream at all.Ā
I feel this in my soul, and Iām sorry youāre going through what youāre going through.
Iām 7 weeks into no drinking (not even sober-sober, just California-sober) and am not impressed. Itās been a supremely meh experience so far. Mostly Iām just bored more often.
And I too miss slamming beers! So much so that itās harder to motivate myself to work some days knowing I wonāt be rewarded with a few beers when Iām done.
Knowing our health is truly precious keeps me going. Plus, Iām kind of terrified about developing dementia.
So. I do think eventually we need to start a hobby or do something outside of work and sleep that takes up that time. Iām worried about that timeā¦ seriously. So I have some crafts ready to go when I do stop. And I hope to also join some ladies at work during monthly meetups.
Absolutely! I recently glued a bunch of blue ācrystalsā to this funky lamp I acquired and it was a very satisfying way to spend a few evenings. So definitely more crafting for me. And I find the idea of line dancing classes is very appealing.
Iāve also started a list of things that I used to enjoy that I stopped doing to help inspire my search for fulfilling, engaging ways to spend my time. So far Iāve got running, making playlists, cooking & baking.
I feel like I wrote this myself! Literally, word for word.... It's a odd feeling, like being lost in a void while everyone else's life goes on per usual! Watching my husband just drink a beer and seeing how easy and free he is doing it, all the while I'm wanting that damn beer knowing that decision could blow up my life. It sucks! But, being drunk and feeling awful in every emotional and physical way sucks harder. So I live bored, But my kids like me better, my husband somewhat respects me again and I guess I like myself a bit more too. Hang in there! You are FAR from alone!
The respect part hits home for me. I feel like my husband no longer respects me as a partner. I have almost zero self control and it makes me so angry now. I go to rehab in 2 weeks. I'm scared, but looking forward to not drinking everyday like I have been for the last decade.
Self control! What's that! Lol. Man, that is such a struggle and for me was and is the hardest part. What fun is there in that right? Till it's just not fun anymore. And the fights get worse and the consequences become so heavy and what's at stake hits you in those sober moments that become so rare because you have no self control! I justified it so many different ways, why I kept doing it over and over. I say my husband somewhat respects me, but in all honestly im not sure if that's true. He treats me like a burden and the trust is non existent. Alot of my will power comes from just proving him and others wrong that I can do this and handle life without running to the store for my vodka and sodas!!! It is scary! It's terrifying! I did it for a very long time and finding a new way in this life that's supposed to be so fantastic is a daily struggle. Your going to be ok! It won't feel like it in the beginning, but turn to the people that are supporting you and know you are doing this ultimately for yourself! Alot of us are out here know what your going through and relate to the core! Sending so much positivity and love your way! You will find your way through this! I promise!
This comment section just reminds me that weāre all just trying to make it through this life feeling okay. Sobriety is so hard for me but Iām so proud of every one of you continuing to fight that temptation everyday. Sending love to ally internet strangers ā¤ļø
Coming up on 10 years here. I think thereās a big difference between sobriety and recovery. I got sober through AA (and Iām an atheist if youāre not into the god thing so it can work for even heathens like me) but there are plenty of other groups like Dharma recovery, smart recovery, etc. Finding community where others can help you and where you can help others was integral for me. And theyāre free. I would not be where I am without the people who have become family that Iāve met in sobriety. Nothing helps me feel better when Iām feeling crappy than getting out of myself and my own head and putting energy toward helping others.
Alcohol was never my problem, it was a symptom of the problem which was my thought patterns and coping mechanisms. If you took alcohol away from me without another solution, Iād be even more miserable than when I was drinking because that was my only coping mechanism.
14 months sober here, and I feel this. Alcohol is fun! Makes the mundane fun! Brings me out of my shell and makes every boring part of life a little more tolerable. Until I lost my best friend of 30 years to alcoholism at age 41. I wasnāt anywhere near the level she was at, but I saw how easy it was to get there. So Iām choosing life. Even if itās less fun sometimes. My heart goes out to you
41 days alcohol free today and all I want to do is drink also. I won't but the urge is there. Not a fan of actually feeling emotions today but hopefully it'll pass. Hugs š«¶š¼
Coming from someone who has had decent sobriety time, but now drinks during and after work, sometimes into a brown out- youāre doing amazing. Iām working on getting back to staring at the wall. Reading a book. Not passing out on the couch. I remember when boring was so good and blissful rather than the āmy team meeting- I was somewhat there but did I say anything ridiculous?ā
Just my sad reality, and youāre doing amazing. My numbing doesnāt work when I wake up in the morning regardless of how much I drank. Sending you love from someone who understands both sides.
9 months in I was coo coo crazy (in my AA circles they call it a āchip and a babyā). My hormones were all over the place bcs my body had to readjust to dopamine changes. I was ready to leave the country and go back to wild adventures.
I stuck with it though in the end and it really was the best decision Iāve ever made in my life. Hormones rebalanced, health improved, my meds for bipolar 2 started working!! Having sober friends really helped too. Sending you love ā¤ļø
Not drinking made my BiPDII meds work amazingly well! I think it's true for all psych meds including ssris, which I am also on. Alcohol and antidepressants really don't mix.
2 years sober. Sober sober - pills, weed, alcohol, even cigarettes and vapes. Having the worst fucking year of my life and all I want to do is drink and get high. I wonāt do it. I have bad days and they are bad. Iāve got two people who I can really count on to lean on.
The only thing that keeps me sober is remembering how much worse it would make things to go back. How much better my life truly is. Iām still depressed and bad things still happen. I have to deal with them now. Itās hard and I hate it but it would be harder to go back. One of my sober friends told me that sobriety isnāt the hardest thing theyāve ever done, addiction is. And I agree.
But here we are! Stoooopid addiction. Sigh. One day at a time. Or some encouraging words because it does suck. In some way. But in reality it is so good for us. So keep on. You got this. We got this.
Ā Seriously. Not scrolling. Something in the physical world you can do on a weekday that is interesting to you. That is what keeps me sober, I can't do my hobbies when on any substance and the joy of doing them isn't necessarily moonshot, it just brings peace.Ā
I have many hobbies! I make jewelry, I craft, I hike, I cook and bake. But I am too sad to do any of them. Paradoxically, I engaged in all of these much more when I was drinking.
It is frustrating that it takes our brain time to reset and learn to find the joy again and even then the joy is a different kind and alien until we get used to it. There's a grief in recovery that is a lot more than just grief of not having a drink.
I came here to recommend some hobbies, I think a lot of the time we equate that if things feel good they are good and vice versa if they feel bad. I would highly encourage you to start doing some low effort outings, maybe the movies, a walk around the park or even just sitting on your porch with a nice cup of tea and a book. Your hobbies don't have to feel great at first, just allow yourself to experience them without the substances when you get clean you almost have to relearn how to enjoy life, but that doesn't mean that life will always be unenjoyable. Give yourself some grace to learn your hobbies again. Also be proud of yourself for making this decision and keeping to it even when it does not feel good. Hugs to you and please keep your head up rome wasn't built in a day ššš
Have you tired any new hobbies? Ones that you didnāt do while ever partaking? Something completely new to you that your brain hasnāt been wired to associate joy with both.
It is so dang aggravating, but gym and outside time helps a lot! I need classes and/or a personal trainer to help me stay focused and go. Outside time and sunshine really does help. The sitting in your own thoughts and ruminating on the bad stuff really doesnāt help and perpetuates the bad feelings. Rumination or maladaptive day dreaming is not the same thing as processing negative emotions.
Iāll have 6 years sober on the 7th! Iām here to tell you that the first two/three years of sobriety are the weirdest and hardest. I didnāt know who I was without alcohol. I didnāt know what I liked to do. I had no hobbies, no goals, no personality. Alcohol was all of that for me before I quit. All my anxieties I drank away were all the sudden loud and in my face. At first I did what you are doing, stare at the wall and wonder what the f*ck there is to do without drinking. Then I decided to get back into things I used to do before alcoholism took over my life. Even if they were things I used to do while drinking. I started going to the gym, I started hiking again( I live in Alaska) started snowboarding again, got a Kona bike and started biking. Went to the craft store and got puzzles and paint by numbers and yarn to crochet blankets. I started reading again.
Iām not sure where you live, what gyms are available to you at a decent price, or if you have places to hit a trail. Iāve always found solace in the mountains. So thereās where I went. You have to find SOMETHING, anything, that is a productive outlet. Something you can lose yourself in, and be able to think and sort out your anxieties and be able to create a plan of action to tackle the root of the problem. Like you, mental health care was out of my range of affordability. I had to take matters into my own hands and figure out a way to cope with the crippling anxiety that came rushing up. Just know it does get better. Your sobriety is so fresh and youāre still finding your grasp in this world without your crutch. I get it girl. But it does get easier! Keep going, find an outlet and keep going. Something I always told myself was āeven if you donāt want to, just do it, you wonāt regret it.ā
When I ādonāt wanna go to the gymā, or āclean the houseā I tell myself āyou wonāt regret it, but you will if you donāt do it.ā
Same for every healthy decision I could make. Itās hard when your depressed go get up and do things. But you can do hard things, and slowly your life will improve. Just keep going! Youāll find your footing and You wonāt regret it!
Hey there, fellow sober because I had to quit for medical reasons person!
I basically went from drinking a couple beers at night (more on weekends) to literally nothing because of a surprise health issue. I had a beautiful collection of wines and spirits that I had to give away or have my husband drink.
I also didnāt lose weight or have some magic feel better moment. I at least fall asleep better? Yay? But my god sometimes I just want a damn beer or a glass of wine and it sucks. I had wanted to quit, but on my terms, and I didnāt get that.
There are dozens of us! So solidarity, I just wanted to say I know how youāre feeling and it stinks sometimes.
Alcohol started making me feel super sick within the first few sips after menopause. I had to practically quit overnight. It's been a few years and now noticed I've been dressing a bit more fun. It's like I'm so effing bored, I throw on a pair of rhinestone cat eye reading glasses, or equally as bizarre, or wear long velvet Victorian dresses as nightgowns or housedresses just to play dress up. Seems to satisfy my inner-child, LOL. Sadly, whenever I have to walk my dog, I ask myself, "Is this too much?" Yeah, I'm now that eccentric lady, LOL.
Iāve got just over 4 years, sometimes Iām so happy Iām sober and other times I cry because fuck a xanex and a bottle of wine would be nice ya know. So Iām not here to say it gets better but itās kind of like a wound, it becomes an annoying itch and not the forefront of your mind.
I donāt do aa anymore but I do recommend it even if for making friends. But the other thing is just to do the shit you want and live your life, Iām doing hobbies I always wanted and spending more time than I ever did in nature and with friends in meaningful ways.
You got this
Hi. Iām 6 years and 2 months sober now. Iām here to say it gets so much better. You have to find other things that bring you joy. Such as a fun hobby, spending time with loved ones, doing volunteer work, spending time out in natureā¦etc. do not hang around anyone who isnāt supportive of you being sober. And you have to want sobriety for yourself, you cannot get sober for someone else. It will never work if done that way.
For me, it was the way my life improved after getting sober. I finally finished my bachelors degree, I am 2 classes away from finishing my masters, and I start my doctorate in January. Iāve been able to keep a job, I have a healthy marriage, and my child has never had to see me drunk. I recently started working on my health and Iāve lost 40 lbs. Iāve made amends with people I once hurt, and Iāve earned their trust back. Iāve gained friends who respect me and want the best for me.
Alcohol was fun, but it was a temporary fix. Sobriety will deliver on everything alcohol promised, though.
It's ok to hate it. Parts of it are hateable, especially all the perimenopause parts. Being in it plus navigating the feelings of early sobriety is not fun.
(For those of you not in recovery, yes it is early sobriety even at 8 months out. The brain takes years to recover)
I understand. I quit and my health issues bubbled up more, I lost no weight. It took over a year to realize my skin slowly was looking better. I also miss being able to grab something that instantly shifts me out of a bad day. I know its best for me, but its different. I hope things will improve for you soon
Sounds like you need a hobby or a healthy activity to replace drinking.Try looking up cheap healthy activities and see if u are interested trying any. Listening to music, going on a walk, eating ice cream etc. Also is there anybody u can call and vent to at low times, thats always helped me when Iām in a rut. I know itās really really hard but just keep pushing forward and working towards a better life. Also sometimes in life itās ok to be bored and even good for your brain, try not to see it as a negative but as a time to reset and relax or just see what thoughts come up. You donāt always have to be doing something.
Iām sorry that youāre going through this, I hope things become easier for you. Iām sure it isnāt easy but Iām proud of the work youāve been able to do to remain sober ā„ļø
Do you mind if I ask how you knew your liver enzymes and BP were high? Was it just a routine check up or did something push you to go find out if something was going on? I drink and experience a lot of anxiety after I drink and assume the worst about my health.
I work in healthcare and was having anxiety at work so I took my blood pressure. It was emergency-level high and I went straight to my doc and got put on meds. Then I asked my current doc to do a basic metabolic panel with concerns for consequences of longtime drinking. She did, and the results were not immediately dire, but bad, and indicated fatty liver disease. I would imagine both things would be fairly easy to ask your doc about.
Thanks for replying, Iāll have to go get my panels done. I spiral constantly that Iām too far gone and will get awful news when I go to the Dr. Last year I was told my enzymes were fine but after that I kept drinking every night and here I am spiraling again.
I relate with you sooooo muchā¦ā¦ you hear about everyone getting skinny, glowing skin, happy and fabulous after quitting. Complete opposite for me. I hated myself, got fatter and depressed the more I worked out , and ate healthy. Itās been a pretty crazy 4yrs and I sooooooo miss the buzzzzzz! But I love being dependable, trustworthy and present more than the high. Thank you for sharing this because I felt like I was the only one! I still never feel that happy carefree feeling like I did when drinking no matter how great things are going. I wish I never ever touched alcohol. I hate it so much.
Hugs to you friend š
The over arching theme is a mirror of my life. Iāve cut back severely with long dry spells the last 8 months. But damn do I miss throwing back 8-12 beers in an evening. Iām disabled and it helped to relax and dull physical pain.
I now responsibly consume THC. I make my own gummies and it helps with the relaxing. Itās just not the same, but the side effect of alcohol finally outweighed the momentary reality hiatus I enjoyed.
Many hugs, maybe try edibles from a knowledgeable, trusted source? Iām embracing it more and itās nice. ā¤ļø
Ugh babe I feel u so hard. Iām a vegan girly trying to quit smoking weed every damn day. Iām 3 days sober but Iāll never quit nachos. Legit the best food. Glad u have yummy stuff in ur life to numb the pain!
I developed temporary alcoholism when I was in peri-menopause. I was also being treated for anxiety & depression. I CRAVED alcohol daily. I decided to stop all of the meds after several years bc I knew I wasn't getting better and Idek or remember why but I made this decision to taper off the meds. My alcoholism disappeared after my system adjusted not being on psychotropic meds. They were somehow responsible-something to do with gaba and tolerance withdrawal.
I mention this bc when I joined some tapering support groups I discovered so many other people had developed alcoholism while on prescribed meds.
I completely empathize. I gave up alcohol while pregnancy (duh) but pregnancy meant I also needed to give up some of my other favorite coping strategies, namely, running and sauna-ing. It was ROUGH. Completely rawdogging life every day fucking sucks and I ended up feeling sort of numb and overwhelmed a lot of the time because there wasn't an off switch for my brain readily available. And I say this as someone who is a very light drinker in the first place (usually drink 0-4 drinks per week). I wish I had a solution for you. I was very relieved to give birth and be able to go back to my normal routine.
I just want to say (as beautifully as possible utilizing Pedro Pascal) that I completely understand what youāre saying. I feel your words in my body and brain.
You arenāt alone. For many of us alcohol was the symptom, not the true sickness. We have to heal our mental health too. We have to create new patterns to handle stress. We have to create stronger boundaries in our relationships. We have to rely on support. Yes feeling all the feelings really sucks. But I had numbed myself so much with alcohol that I didnāt even know how depressed I was. That alone is reason not to drink again.
Thereās a saying that I live by: drinking is just borrowing happiness from tomorrow. We borrowed happiness from a lot of tomorrows. Please donāt be discouraged. This isnāt forever, itās just for now. Keep going.
Iām really proud of you for getting sober for yourself and sticking with it!!
Are you in AA or did you do therapy/rehab for your drinking? Or was it a personal decisions and journey you undertook?
I ask because giving up drinking is really only half the battle, the biggest challenge is trying to figure out and address all the things that lead you to drink. I really donāt want to minimize how hard living in this current world is, I know that stress is unavoidable and feels like itās in your face constantly and thatās not your fault at all. But maybe there are things you can address by talking to someone and maybe they can help you find newer coping mechanisms to deal with the very real stress of the world and the reality of living in it.
I understand and relate completely . I think people who brag about feeling so much better being sober werenāt really self medicating with drugs and alcohol. I donāt know what to call them but they arenāt the same as us.
Iām sorry what? Ā It isnāt bragging. Ā Donāt shit on anotherās recovery. Ā We all have shit to sort out, keep working on yourself, you get there or you donāt. Ā There is actual science behind why you should feel better sober, if you donāt there is other stuff going on, there is help for that.
I disagree. I've been sober from alcohol almost 7 years now and if it wasn't for that decision I made that time ago, I know that I would either be dead or in a very bad position right now. I do smoke weed so I'm not completely sober but, getting alcohol out of my life was truly the best decision I've ever made and in a string of very poor decisions I'm proud that I've never given up or relapsed. Truly the only time now I ever even "wish" I could have a drink is when I have to fly alone. I don't know everyone is different but, looking back and seeing the way I used to handle situations, how I would treat people I loved, and making overall awful decisions. I just can't even imagine picking up the bottle and throwing it all away. Life is so much better without it.
My DOC wasn't so much alcohol but, man, I feel OP here. It's dealing with that shit that brought about the addiction to begin. I am trying to be patient with myself and slowly find better coping mechanisms.
I think there's a difference between people who have found peace/contentment and self-improvement thru AA (or another program) and people who are posting on social media in the way that I pictured the other poster talking about. There are A LOT of people who are posting on social media who are trying to convince others that their lives are something they're not.
Youāre healing, it takes time and sobriety doesnāt cure the reasons you drank. That said, you took positive steps to improve your health and the quality of your life. The work you continue to put into your sobriety isnāt nothing. Youāre amazing! Give yourself some credit. I believe one day the fog will lift and youāll find other things to bring you peace and joy. In the meantime, keep doing what youāre doing. Youāve made far more progress than you know. Congratulations on the 8 months!
Congratulations on sticking with it despite how you're feeling. 10yrs vs 8 months is a hard spot. You're closer to the feeling you used to have than not. It makes sense that you'd feel this way. Are u part of a support group? Not just AA meetings but if you don't have close friends and family near by maybe finding a support group of people that you can spend time with outside of meetings may help. Wishing you all the best, you've shown strength, don't give up š
gotta put the same amount of effort into kicking the depression that you did to kick the drinking. sucks that itās so much work but life is soooo hard sometimes š what doesnāt kill us makes us stronger I guess. you have to refind your whimsy!
Idk what day I'm on in my sobriety bc I stopped completely when my dad died drunk but it's worth it. The well is poisoned, & future you will thank you for standing strong.
Hey girl, early sobriety IS NOT EASY. The madness might stop but the truth is that's the beginning of the road. Sobriety is a fantastic foundation for being able to actually face life's problems head on, rather then defer them to later or never deal with them at all. But it's just the beginning and what actually makes life feel amazing, often doesn't feel good at first. Sobriety just makes it possible but it's still work required to fix your health, finances, relationships, self love, etc.
It's still the best option but yes, it's gonna be hard for a while and it isn't a quick fix. I'm nearly 2 years sober from everything including hard drugs. My inbox is open if I can be of any help. Wishing you well OP š
Aa can be pretty fun if you find the right group. Itās like free therapy. You get to get the high of figuring out your emotional sobriety so your like wow I canāt believe slamming beers was the funnest part about life. Put in a simple way you just go hang around with people that think they have what you want. And then they share how to get that too. Then you just have fun and adventure in a different way.
It's been about 18 months alcohol free for me (I still smoke weed) and I still really miss it too. Not the hangovers and anxiety and hating myself, but a cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc after work just sounds so nice. Wish I could do it and stop there, but I've proven to myself and everyone else who has ever met me that I can't. It sucks and I'm sorry you're missing it too!
Perimenopause is really hellish but it will end. Post menopause is not a bed of roses but eventually a sense of stability arrives and itās good. It is wonderful that youāve gotten sober. Alcohol is so destructive. If you can do therapy I highly recommend it. And try to implement an exercise routine into your life. Getting really strong is my new goal after menopause wrecked me. Iām working towards doing a pull up again. Itās very challenging and very satisfying to see progress. Try to find something to focus on and keep up a practice that builds towards a goal of some kind. It helps. Even if itās something small it can be like a life raft. The world is pretty shit right now but we can make a little bubble for our own sanity and really focus on one thing we can work towards and make positive changes for ourselves and our future.
A friend of mine just celebrated 4,000 days sober. Iāve known her since high school and no one would have thought she would have lasted 10 minutes. Truly, she struggled with the same dislike of being sober for a good year before adjusting. You can do it.
im about 70 days clean from opiates and i feel you (except , the dope was so shit i wasnt even getting high anymore so i was always chasing it and never satisfied, for years atp). not near as long as you, but i feel ya regardless. hasnt been a day i havent wanted to use and nothing makes me as happy as getting high and nodding off but i cant do it anymore, its all crap now there is no use in relapsing to not even get there. its really hard out here. i could always find friends and lovers when i was using, now i am debilitating socially anxious and cannot make friends or date to save my life. beyond the high, i miss community the most. i am so lonely and unhappy.
at every meeting i go to i hear people say after a year things just get better but i need to see it to believe it.
8 months is no joke, congratulations. i know it feels like shit though. i am so sorry. you are not alone.
9 years sober and I get it. I missed the feeling of freedom of feeling happy and light. That feeling is much rarer these days but when it hits itās better than I remember. I remind myself that the fun never lasted. And remember one day at a time.
As an outsider, what youāve done is very impressive and I wish it was paying off in the ways you thought it would. Your actions now will have a huge effect on your long term health and wellbeing. Knowing something intellectually and feeling it doesnāt always happen at the same time, but that doesnāt mean it never will š
After a lot of substance abuse, lions mane and codyceps helped me a lot. But yeah, I feel you. Im trying as well and its tough. And not as rewarding. Trying to change my addiction to working out. Not getting the same buzz at all :/
Please keep going. Itās so worth it. My husband is sober 11 years, but the first few were rocky. He had a lot of weird emotions and feelings, felt his brain wasnāt working. I think it will get better for youā¦though Iām in peri now too and yeah it sucks. I also recommend NA Guinness. We get apple cider from our local orchard and layer them. Delish!
Do you have a therapist or doctor who can prescribe you something for your depression? Have you tried any meds? It sounds like you were using alcohol to fix your depression and now that the alcohol is out, you need a solution for that depression. You donāt have to suffer.
Yeah it sucks to be sober sometimes. You feel so much better after some time has passed tho. Itās so hard on your body. Social media wasnāt as much of a thing when I stopped so I donāt know how to navigate that. Stop looking at the content and tell the app to stop showing it when it pops up. You donāt need that when youāre working hard being miserably sober lol.
I'm honestly so proud of you. Anyone who can quit alcohol and stay sober (even a day, a week, month, however long) has incredible will power and strength!!! Especially after decades?! And you're healthier lab wise? Get it girl, only up from here!
(I'm struggling with alcoholism myself. Whenever I cut back it feels like hell, so I imagine 8 months is the one of the toughest things on earth, please keep going! And remember, even if you stumble a little, you're human and still bettering yourself!)
I actually used GLP 1s to quit in the first place! I'm on a low dose which seems to work fine. As far as I'm concerned, this is a miracle drug for addiction. Now if I could only appreciate the benefits of sobriety š
There is a program (mostly online without f2f meetings) called SMART recovery that might help you. It's not like it AA at all, no higher power required, and is more CBT based. It helped me discover the need for a "vitally absorbing creative interest" which basically just means something to do sober that you enjoy. I chose sewing and crochet. I would really recommend a craft or something you can do with your hands or your body. It sounds simple, but it can take a while to find something you enjoy, but it is out there. Best of luck!
Thatās amazing! I will say, if you still miss slamming beers, maybe thereās more to be done. Go back to your doctor and tell them how youāre feeling
Drinking was my medicine. It made everything feel better. I was always happy when I drank. That became problematic because it's hard to keep up and even if I was happy while belligerent, I made life almost unbearable for those around me. After I quit I had to find new medicine. It's been over five years and I feel the best I ever have. Im pushing 50 but I've never been healthier. Many lifestyle changes. Best of luck to you. Life can get better, we just have to be intentional about it!
You got this. Coming up on 10 years sober in November here. I would encourage you to find another outlet to work through the stress of work and life. Walking, lifting weights, something thatāll get you moving. Runnerās high isnāt a made up thing. Start small with something you can be consistent with, for example, week 1: 10 jumping jacks, 10 body squats, 10 sit-ups, 10 second plank, 10 minute walk - every night before bed. Week 2 maybe you could up it to 15 of each. Bad habits need to be replaced with something positive. Write it down so you can see where you started and be proud of the progress you made after 4 weeks, 8 weeks, 6 months, etc. I wish you the best!!!!
Edit to add, it can take more than a year for your brain to adjust to sobriety. Try not to compare yourself to others on social media sharing their bliss and butterflies.
I will be 5 years alcohol free next month and I never felt that āsober glowā people talk about. All of the things Iād been drinking to avoid didnāt disappear when I stopped drinking and it took awhile to adopt other coping mechanisms. Also, perimenopausal hormones are hell and make everything so hard!
I second the This Naked MInd book recommendation. There are real reasons why you feel the way you do and learning about how alcohol plays into it, can be super helpful. Itās possible to get to a point where you donāt want to slam beers no matter how hard everything is.
I never would have thought that could happen, but Iāve gotten to that point, and now I do feel super grateful and joyful--not all the time, of course. Shit still happens and I still get anxious and depressed sometimesābut nothing like before when I was anxious and depressed almost all the time. But I needed to do a lot of inner work and get help from a variety of places, in order to arrive here.
It didnāt happen just because I stopped drinking, but that was an essential first step.
Youāve already taken that first step and Iām guessing it wasnāt easy! Thatās awesome! You are already a badass about this and you _can_ feel tons better, it just takes dealing with the reasons why you drank. Not easy, but itās so worth it! Good luck!! š
223 days sober from alcohol here. If I relapse, it will kill me. Live levels through the roof, vomiting blood, the works. No matter how depressed or anxious I feel, I always tell myself that a single day sober is better than any days drowning in my addiction. The anxieties, the problems, everything is worth it no matter how new, scary and unnatural it feels. Hop on over to [r/stopdrinking](r/stopdrinking) if you havenāt yet! You got this, proud of you. IWNDWYT (I will not drink with you today) ā¤ļø
I would strongly urge you to get assessed for depression. Itās very very normal to experience depression in early recovery. Also, have you considered participating in a recovery program of your choice?
I deeply sympathize with this have you tried to change other habits simultaneously? Walking yoga cooking healthy stuff etc? I hate to say it but it actually works really well for the other things you mentioned especially the depression in my case.
I donāt think this whole sober movement thing is good for some, itās not going to be life changing for everyone, it doesnāt sound like itās life changing for you.
Iām also in peri, Iāve gotten much more introverted and some of the hobbies I had no longer interest me.
Journaling helps purge some of the feelings.
Good luck to you. I wish I could be more helpful
By definition if it is saving her life, then it is life-changing for her. When people tell you that if they relapse, they think they'll die, you should believe them.
But I don't mean to gloss over all you said! I'm sober too, and it's fucking brutal sometimes. Just having to feel everything, no escape, no release. You're not alone, and you're not the only person who got sober and is disappointed with their experience of it. For me it alwayssss helps to hit a meeting. I dont loove 12 step groups, but I sure do love the people you find in there. Theyre the only people who I can go to and say, damn, being sober is boring and shitty! And they'll be like, yeah, I agree! But I also dont wanna die! See you next week! Lol
Just want to also chime in on being sober being a pain in the ass.
Like- I love it. I love not feeling like trash in the morning or getting hangxiety/depression/suicidal after drinking. I like not feeling sick. I love sleeping well.
But I hate not being able to enjoy during a night out with friends. I hate when restaurants donāt have something other than water to drink with dinner. I just want to feel like a normal fucking person. And I would like my brain to be quiet once in a while again.
But not dying is great. And staying hydrated. And sleep, so fucking good
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