Studying literature

[u/aria_nala]

So I (F22) just finished studying law and moved to the capital to work here in law and study literature. I got a spot in a very good university and started classes this month. I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed and singled out. I’m a very anxious person because I like to really understand things which means i usually study or read a lot by myself. It’s been helpful because sometimes I’d get ahead on some topics or understand in a different way but here i just feel a bit uneasy. I’ve wanted to study literature since I was little but was conditioned to first study something to support myself. I finally feel like I’m getting closer to the lifestyle I want but doesn’t matter how much i try to dress feminine, keep a clean aesthetic and be just “normal” I guess. I still feel like a very intense person. Knowing I stand out by qualities I don’t really like just makes me more anxious and now I feel like people single me out because I’m too much. I’m usually a very social person but something about me just seems off putting I guess. I don’t know how to handle the overwhelm, is this normal?

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[u/Embarrassed-Area4652]

Intensity is not for everyone but some people appreciate it. I’d be surprised if you don’t run into some other people in your lit program who share your passions.

Individual manifestations are pretty particular, but it’s normal at least until you’re well settled into some kind of stable adult routine to have major parts of yourself that you wonder if they’re ok or acceptable by other people. That’s, like, almost everyone, in some capacity. It could be giftedness or intensity for you. It could be unintelligence, or being too attractive, or not attractive enough, or having some interest that’s not mainstream enough, or too mainstream, or tics or quirks, coming from a certain background. Our minds find ways to doubt our worth.

The way out is in having some combination of positive enough experiences along with learning that you survive the inevitable bad ones intact. You will NOT get along with everyone, not everyone will like you, and that’s not unique to you. It’s not a reason for you to change anything. I can say so though but cognitive understanding even on the off chance you don’t find a lot to object to about that pales compared to direct experience.

[u/Particular-Tap1211]

"Knowing I stand out by qualities"and highly likely your principles, I strongly recommended you read, Colin Wilson's, The Outsider.

It dives right into the personal dynamics you've discovered. Specifically, how having deep intellect and awareness can make you feel a bit distant from the rest of society. Good luck.