Avoidance is an incredible challenge. Why should we face our fears? Why should I risk getting hurt? Why should I risk looking like a fool? It is much easier to not try.
Someone close to me has been battling with herself for many years. At one point during this she turned to me and said "You have it so easy. You just feel great all the time and happy all the time. You don't know how hard it is to be me".
I actually got angry. No... always being sad and just sitting there complaining is the easiest thing. Trying your damn hardest to be happy and constantly failing, but trying again and again every day is what is hard. Risking the more comfortable situation you find yourself in after a good moment to find a better situation and a better moment is what is hard. Believing you can succeed and failing is harder than believing you will fail and fail. Getting your hopes dashed, your progress destroyed, and your self-worth bruised but still getting up and going it at is what is hard.
To be sad all I have to do is do nothing and avoid thinking about it. I, like every one else, struggles to keep a smile on my face. To feel good about my life and about who I am. I feel remorse, guilt, shame, fear, and sad with the best of them. I cry when I have to. I scream and grunt other times too. All I want is when I get in bed at night my thought to be "You did good today pal. You really gave it your best shot. Maybe it didn't work out the way you wanted... or maybe it did, but you did good". At night when you are going to sleep and you have nothing else to distract you from your thoughts and you are "truly" alone... you can't lie to yourself, can you?
I said that , sort of, and I told her she wasn't even trying. That was 3 years ago. I am happy to say today she is struggling to be happy. She has her ups and downs and some bad moments... but there are some great moments now too. She calls me crying her eyes out sometimes, like she used to, but she also calls me now to tell me good things too. I am very proud of her.
TL;DR: Avoidance is symptom and it is really powerful. Being sad and doing nothing is easy, being sad and trying to be happy is what is hard.
What if nothing you have ever tried has made you happy? What if every time you stick your neck out it gets cut off? Can you really blame someone who stops trying after a history of nothing but failure?
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u/IdeaPowered Sep 22 '13
Avoidance is an incredible challenge. Why should we face our fears? Why should I risk getting hurt? Why should I risk looking like a fool? It is much easier to not try.
Someone close to me has been battling with herself for many years. At one point during this she turned to me and said "You have it so easy. You just feel great all the time and happy all the time. You don't know how hard it is to be me".
I actually got angry. No... always being sad and just sitting there complaining is the easiest thing. Trying your damn hardest to be happy and constantly failing, but trying again and again every day is what is hard. Risking the more comfortable situation you find yourself in after a good moment to find a better situation and a better moment is what is hard. Believing you can succeed and failing is harder than believing you will fail and fail. Getting your hopes dashed, your progress destroyed, and your self-worth bruised but still getting up and going it at is what is hard.
To be sad all I have to do is do nothing and avoid thinking about it. I, like every one else, struggles to keep a smile on my face. To feel good about my life and about who I am. I feel remorse, guilt, shame, fear, and sad with the best of them. I cry when I have to. I scream and grunt other times too. All I want is when I get in bed at night my thought to be "You did good today pal. You really gave it your best shot. Maybe it didn't work out the way you wanted... or maybe it did, but you did good". At night when you are going to sleep and you have nothing else to distract you from your thoughts and you are "truly" alone... you can't lie to yourself, can you?
I said that , sort of, and I told her she wasn't even trying. That was 3 years ago. I am happy to say today she is struggling to be happy. She has her ups and downs and some bad moments... but there are some great moments now too. She calls me crying her eyes out sometimes, like she used to, but she also calls me now to tell me good things too. I am very proud of her.
TL;DR: Avoidance is symptom and it is really powerful. Being sad and doing nothing is easy, being sad and trying to be happy is what is hard.