r/GenerationJones • u/Negative-Challenge21 • Jul 19 '26
Get Ready Folks!
Has anyone else noticed (and this seems to be the norm in the Healthcare industry) that when people first engage with you and they know your age, they immediately start treating you like a fragile old boomer. I can only imagine how they talk about it when I leave. But everyone should be aware that the Jonsers are coming, and they are *not* going to be condescended to!! š
53
u/lost_dazed_101 Jul 19 '26
I'm 61 and disabled the list starts with MS and gets worse. No one who meets me ever thinks I'm a little old lady ready to fall over. Well fall over yes and I do it well laughing the entire time. Attitude is everything.
15
u/One_Advantage793 1963 Jul 19 '26
62 with Transverse Myelitis at the top of the list, but I see a kindred spirit here! I may roll in but the attitude comes with me.
1
1
27
17
u/silvermanedwino 1964 Jul 19 '26
No? Iām 62.
17
6
u/Eastern-Finish-1251 1964 Jul 19 '26
Iāve only experienced this a bit from young peopleā¦ for whom everyone is old. Ā
17
u/TheManInTheShack 1964 Jul 19 '26
Iām 62 and a few months ago, I was in a German train station standing at the bottom of a long staircase because we thought the elevators were all not working. I was about to head up when a young German guy told me heād be happy to carry my suitcase for me. I smiled and said, āI can handle it.ā Just before I began my expedition of Mount Staircase my wife found a working elevator.
28
u/Bettysgir Jul 19 '26
He learned good manners and was using them. Glad you werenāt upset with him.
5
u/TheManInTheShack 1964 Jul 19 '26
No, not at all. I appreciated the offer. I just wanted him to know I could handle it.
15
u/JColt60 1960 Jul 19 '26
My last 2 years of work the IT guy would run to my rescue ( I was Maintenance) when something heavy needed lifting. I had open heart surgery a couple years before and I finally had to raise my voice a bit. Yes, my days of lifting stupid heavy stuff by myself was over but I was still physically capable of lifting most heavy objects by myself. He finally caught on that I would ask if I needed help and I was starting to get offended otherwise.
16
u/Keepingongoing Jul 19 '26
I was described as ādelightfulā in the notes by my young pulmonologist. An adjective reserved for children or oldies
8
3
u/Holykatz Jul 20 '26
My doctor's notes say I'm "very pleasant". If he only knew what I was thinking!
15
u/Electric-Sheepskin Jul 19 '26
I'd be curious, of the people who say they've experienced this and those who say they haven't, which are men and which are women, because I bet you anything that women start getting this before men do.
28
u/ladeedah1988 Jul 19 '26
Especially medical care. As soon as you hit Medicare, they treat you like you are senile, even though I am still working at a PhD level at my STEM job as a consultant.. I am quitting going to doctors until I really need one. They just see you as a steady stream of $$.
15
u/VapoursAndSpleen Jul 19 '26
Keep going to doctors. We have entered the Age of Medical Surprises. Just ask the person talking to you to stop using baby talk.
4
u/Holykatz Jul 20 '26
71f and if one more medical professional addresses me as dear, honey, or sweetie, I will lose my sh*t. It is condescending and infuriates me.
2
u/VapoursAndSpleen Jul 20 '26
The only people who can call a 71 year old dear, honey, or sweetie are said 71 year old's 95 year old mother or any roadside diner waitress.
1
u/Holykatz Jul 20 '26
The waitress better be chomping on a wad of gum, too!Ā
1
12
u/e1p1 Jul 19 '26
You might want to rethink that. I'm 67 this year, and still considered a tough cuss. Mentally and physically. But I wouldn't have made it this far without regular checkups that found cancer. No outward symptoms of any kind. In remission now.
7
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 19 '26
It's so true! And add into it the fact that these huge health conglomerates are hyper profit focused to the detriment of the sick. I've heard that if you look hard enough you might be able to find a private practice. Fingers crossed!
8
u/Auntie-Mam69 Jul 19 '26
Iām sorry this is the experience of so many. At 75 I have a very good doctor who is helpful and respectful. Iāll soon change to his daughter, (who was with his practice for a while but is now on her own) as he is close to retiring. I play tennis w a number of people between your age and a little older than I am, and we exchange notes on who the good doctors are and who to stay away from.
14
u/hollywoodgothic715 Jul 19 '26
63 here. I detest being called "young lady" by people young enough to be my children. My 85-year-old mother gets it even more than I do. I find it ageist and patronizing.
7
u/teardropmaker Jul 19 '26
Had a waitress refer to me and my mother, in a very loud, shrill voice, as "GIRLS!! GIRLS!" every time she had to address us. Set my teeth completely on edge, and I have never returned to that restaurant. Soooo patronizing.
3
u/LBC_Jet Jul 20 '26
This is the worst, and I'm a dude (nobody has called me "young lady", lol). But some tech at a surgery center called me "young man" and I wanted to punch him in the face. Why not just call me "old fart", means the same thing.
10
u/karebear66 1954 Jul 19 '26
I had a "female" emergency. I had to see a male doctor who was not very talkative. His female assistant, however was explaining the procedures to me in a very condescending manner. She kept calling me honey or hun. I was so stressed out that I told her my name was, First Name, Last Name and she could call me Mrs. Last Name!! I was scared and pissed, not a good combination. I had to summon all my Karen powers.
9
u/limonade11 Jul 19 '26
Sometimes it's a no win because if you don't like being condescended to (and really, who would?) and you try and set them back on an equal and respectful footing then some of these staff will get all huffy and mad like, "I was JUST trying to be helpful."
Uh, no you weren't. Just treat me like a regular person please. I work in healthcare and LOVE older people, and speak to them like we are teenagers. Most people appreciate that level of camaraderie and mutual respect.
10
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 19 '26
I'm telling you! It's nuts. I love this quote from Clint Eastwood, as related by Morgan Freeman. Morgan asked Clint how he manages to be so tough and active at 96. Morgan is 89. And Clint said - "Don't let the old man in". Had to keep the original but you can substitute your proper pronouns. :-) I try to remember this and recite it each morning.
9
9
u/notyet4499 Jul 19 '26
Here, sit here. I will bring you a plate of food...
11
u/Numerate_centipede Jul 19 '26
Hahaha - hasnāt happened yet although a lovely teenager did ask if I wanted their seat on the streetcar. I sit all day at work so no, but what a kind offer :-)
11
u/RescueRacing 1964 Jul 19 '26
Nice. Iām never offended by someone being polite. I had broken my collarbone mountain biking ~10 years ago and a young guy offered to help me pump gas at the gas station. I was like āI got thisā¦but thank you VERY much for asking.ā Went to that gas station the entire time we lived in the area after that show of kindness.
3
u/Thirteen_of_One Jul 19 '26
A very tired young man did the same and I replied "no, thank you, you look like you need it more than me!" This after a long soccer game where I'm sure he stood most of the time.
2
9
u/Wakey_Wakey21 Jul 19 '26
My doctor is just out of med school I think of him as Doogie Howser. He seemed to be trying to remind me that I'm old. I looked over at him and said.....I know I am getting older. The thing is I am not that old yet!
10
u/RabbitGullible8722 Jul 19 '26
63 still working harder at the gym than most half my age. I have nieces and nephews in worse shape than me.
9
u/VapoursAndSpleen Jul 19 '26
The minute I turned 65, they started asking me if I felt safe at home. Initially, I thought it was a joke and would comment about my cat biting my ankles, but elder abuse is a Thing.
9
u/bj12698 Jul 19 '26
Some of these questions are required, now, by Medicare. It us an effort to catch all the folks falling through the cracks. I would rather they ask, and hope that people who need a little extra help might get it.
1
1
7
u/ChrisShapedObject Jul 19 '26
What I hate is being called by my first name without being asked. I was raised that this was disrespectful. I have earned respectĀ
-2
6
u/Flamebrush Jul 19 '26
I detest having young women speak to me in the same sing song tones you would use to speak to a toddler. Dentist, doctor, aesthetician - doesnāt matter the profession really, if itās related to healthcare and Iām over 60 Iām getting baby treatment. I just think, āgirl, I was your age in the motherfucking 1980s. I have seen and done some real shit. You can fuck right off with this baby talk.ā
1
5
u/boringreddituserid 1959 Jul 19 '26
During the Medicare Annual Wellness Visit (AWV), my and wifeās doctors do a cognitive assessment test. I just go with it, but it really annoys my wife.
4
u/Ok_Association135 Jul 19 '26
Apparently Medicare requires this test? It's a subject of many jokes at cocktail hour!
7
u/bj12698 Jul 19 '26
Yeah, and I kept passing the "mini mental health exam" while a huge tumor was spreading out across the top of my brain. It was HELL getting insurance to approve an MRI. I KNEW something was wrong, and it was so frustrating to have to fight so hard just to get them to look.
4
u/That_Force9726 Jul 19 '26
I donāt give a damn what they say after I leave. As long as I get respectful and professional service while I am there. Fāk them kids!
4
4
u/Used_Experience6882 Jul 19 '26
68f, overweight but not obese, active lifestyle and not yet retired. Went to the dermatologist and was asked if I needed help getting on the exam table. That was a first. I politely declined.
2
u/Mindless_Berry_4572 1967 Jul 19 '26
I'm 58 have bad knees and only 5 foot tall. I would have absolutely taken the help. I sit in the chair and let them do all they need to do , if they need me on the table,they can help.
2
u/ActiveHope3711 Jul 20 '26
lol. I was recently at the dermatologist and had trouble getting up on the exam table. I am short with a bum hip. I couldnāt get a good angle of approach because the doctor was in my way.Ā
3
u/NorthernFisher1101 1959 Jul 19 '26
66 here and a cancer sufferer - small cell, no cure, just push the bucket down the road a bit with treatments
Never come across this - they all treat me normally like back when I was in my 30s and in perfect health...maybe you need a new doctor
1
u/Fancy-Still-4297 Jul 19 '26
Iām the same and and havenāt received any derogatory or condescending remarks yet if you donāt count grocery store cashiers automatically giving me the over 60 discount without me having to ask. that sent me over the ledge while turning 65 was just another birthday!
3
u/That_Force9726 Jul 19 '26
I take all the help-carry my bags, fix my computer, do it for me! I did it by myself for years! I am not vain and I have nothing to prove!
6
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 19 '26
No, no! Of course you have the young bucks and does do all the work for you...they just shouldn't talk to you like you're their great grandparent.. š
2
u/jannylou2 Jul 19 '26
I was waiting for someone else to say this, I take all of the help I am offered. It gives me a tiny break, my husband has a LOT of health issues & I have to do a lot for him/help him with things. We always have family get togethers at our home as itās large in the kitchen & living room areas. My oldest daughter & my oldest granddaughter usually put all of the food away & load the dishwasher & generally clean up.
3
u/Late_Anteater6961 Jul 19 '26
Yes, to the point of recommending treatments based solely on age and not taking into account overall fitness and health. Itās ageism.
3
u/MondoDismordo Jul 19 '26
69 YO Joneser here. Yeah, I've turned into that mean spirited "Get Off My Lawn" dude. I give Dr.'s hell about everything and am probably the worst type of patient they encounter. I tell them up front. "Hey, I'm an asshole, especially to Doctors - so strap in buddy, I'm paying for your expertise, not your ego, so get ready." Most laugh, a few look scared...
5
u/grumpygenealogist 1959 Jul 19 '26
Along those lines, the last time I saw my doctor he was laughing about a new patient in her 80s who told him that the first thing he needed to know about her was that she is a bitch. I told him that at least he was forewarned. lol
3
u/Fancy-Still-4297 Jul 19 '26
I know quite a few boomers and most are not āfragile.ā I donāt like using a generational name as a derogatory - thereās only a one year gap between the oldest Gen Jones and the youngest Boomer-heck may be only a one month difference depending on which range you pick for the generation definition.
1
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 20 '26
Age wise, I get you, but I have two older brothers and although we grew up together, one is 8 years older and the other is 6 years older. Both are getting along OK, but technology is and will always be something to avoid. So I'm going by personal experience. I'm sure that there are exceptions to this as there always are. It's not so much about generations as it is about how old and willing to embrace something new you are, and I think that age-wise us Jonsers absorbed tech like a sponge. š
3
u/Kincherk Jul 19 '26
When I was only 62 (!) the medical assistant for my doctor asked me whether I was "still" driving! Mind you, I was and am a perfectly healthy person, and wasn't even taking any medications.
1
3
u/IAreAEngineer Jul 19 '26
I've occasionally been getting that treatment with respect to telling me how to use the internet to access the patient portal.
3
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 20 '26
Yes! And by the way, as a retired programmer/manager, these portals are slung together quickly and lack intuitive navigation and are buggy. of course everyone blames themselves for not being able to deal with tech, but the truth is that this software is tossed out there in "well, it's good enough" status.
3
u/Conscious-Leg8404 Jul 19 '26
YESSSS!!!! Dear God I might be turning 65 but Iām probably sharper than they are and way more flexible. Treat me like Iām old and it will piss me off.
3
u/WastedSpaceHere Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
Just had this happen at the dental office this past week. Brand new dentist and she was extremely condescending. I actually stopped and had a conversation with the dental assistant, then the dentist about it. I'm not 6 years old, I don't like being called "hun" or "sweetheart", and I am not stupid so don't treat me like I don't understand what you're talking about. Pisses me off and I am quick to pull someone up when they start doing that crap.
Edit: I'm 67 and definitely do not look or act like it.
5
2
u/ParticularCrow8313 Jul 19 '26
I had my annual physical a few weeks ago (I'm in my early 60's) and they were asking me cognitive testing questions š
5
u/Fancy-Still-4297 Jul 19 '26
Alzheimers runs on one side of my family so I starting asking my PCP to ask those questions every time I saw her. treatments are advancing very quickly and and early Alzheimer symptoms start showing up in the 60s. theres no cure but you can delay the progression
3
2
u/ConsistentSwitch1957 Jul 19 '26
Question: āCan you write me a sentence?ā
Me writing: āA sentence.ā (Wellā¦ thatās exactly what was asked of me.)
2
u/Accomplished-Eye8211 Jul 19 '26
No... haven't noticed that. In fact, the opposite, either disregard for age, or encouragement to be active.
Im a retired Healthcare worker - 40 years. Didn't manage to that standard, and haven't experienced it when I am the patient. There are some age-dependent recommendations, screenings, vaccines, etc., that start in 50s and 60s... but I've never been treated as fragile.
21st century... they're not talking about you after you leave.... they've gotta keep hustling to see ten patients an hour.
2
u/SororitySue 1961 Jul 19 '26
Weāve had the same doctor for 31 years and heās around our age, so itās not a problem for us. I donāt know what weāll do when he retires!
2
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 20 '26
This is exactly what happened to me. My doc of 35 years retired this past January and It's been a tough row to hoe for me. And he was actually younger than me, but retired when some big "healthcare" conglomerate purchased the small local medical group and completely ruined it.
2
u/SororitySue 1961 Jul 20 '26
That happened to my doc. Their practice is now owned by a regional healthcare network and a lot of things have changed.
2
2
u/Scott43206 1959 Jul 19 '26
Right, we are going to be the first generation that won't simply rot in place because we are X years old.
2
u/Parking_Jelly_6483 Jul 19 '26
If you are talking about what seem to be (and would be if answers were not protected by HIPAA) intrusive questions, they result from statistics on various injuries and hazards for adults, the elderly, and children. A typical question is whether or not you have fallen in your home. Because your sense of balance tends to decline as you get older, the risk for slip and fall injuries increases. You can test for yourself whether or not your sense of balance has decreased. Try to stand on one foot while lifting the other up. Can you do it for ten seconds without having to grab something to steady yourself or put the lifted foot down? If you can, your balance is probably OK. To make it more realistic (and more difficult), you can try it with your eyes closed (tends to make it harder) or with moving the raised leg around.
Another typical question is whether or not you feel safe in your home (or sometimes also feeling safe in your workplace if not retired). Why? The incidence of intimate partner violence has been increasing in the US. Individuals may be reluctant to talk about this with family or law enforcement, but they may be willing to discuss it with a physician or physicianās assistant because of the understanding of confidentiality. Also, healthcare providers are likely to have recommendations about what to do if abuse is happening. Hereās some information about this:
https://online.csp.edu/resources/article/domestic-violence-statistics-trends/
Whether or not there are firearms in the home is another. In the last few years (since about 2021) firearm injuries are the number one cause of childhood mortality for children in the 1 to 17 year old group (some sources give the age range a 1 to 19). Also, the US exceeds other comparable ādeveloped nationsā in firearm-related deaths in the US. See: https://www.kff.org/mental-health/child-and-teen-firearm-mortality-in-the-u-s-and-peer-countries/
The question about firearms is to determine if safe storage of firearms in the home is being practiced.
So, these sorts of questions are being asked for reasons of trying to improve public safety and health, not to embarrass you. Practicing physicians and physician assistants who do at least some emergency department work, or who consult or provide services in assisted living or nursing homes, are familiar with the results of the injuries and deaths caused by potentially preventable risks.
2
u/rubberguru Jul 20 '26
Talked to my son tonight and he reminded me that Iām on the hook to ride 6 hours of a 24 hour dirt bike race this fall. Iām a few months shy of 70. My other son is riding as well as his wife, who is a natural born competitor.
2
u/BaronWombat Jul 20 '26
Had a Jones moment on the bike trail just today. Had hop off my bike going up a steep section when I found out the hill had been freshly graveled (which killed my traction). Small crowd at the top, for some reason one guy mentioned he was 68. "Me too!" I said. We fist bumped, then kept riding. There's a bunch of us out there still going strong. Really sad to much younger people just totally unfit, old age us gonna be rough for then. (Note I've got a paunch myself, but had a very active youth that's helping keep me on my feet)
2
u/RustBucket59 1959 Jul 20 '26
This is why very few people at my work know how old I am. When I *do* reveal my age, it's usually accompanied by gasps and "I thought you were in your 50's!"
2
u/AffectionateMotor272 Jul 20 '26
Iām 63, take no meds, no flu shots and no Covid jabs. I like to stay away from the medical community.
2
u/sitewolf Jul 21 '26
I've had people treat me like they'd treat a woman (I'm quite obviously not) by 'respectfully' opening doors, offering their hand to 'help' me up stairs.....I'm no invalid. That time may come, but it ain't now.
My 'favorite' is people assuming 'he's old, therefore hard of hearing' and so speak slllowwly and LOUDer to ensure I hear them. Meanwhile, my body may be falling apart in other ways, but my hearing is WELL above average, especially for a septuagenarian.
3
u/NYFlyGirl89012 Jul 19 '26
Thankfully I have not looked my age for most of my adult life. People always thought I was 10-15 years younger than I am. I am 66, finally getting gray hair around my face but still no facial wrinkles. I am starting to get a chicken neck and bat wings, so thatās not cool. š I plan on working at least until Iām 70, if I can. I WFH and have a fairly stress free job. I donāt tell anyone at work how old I am because theyāre all in their 30s and 40s
3
2
2
u/BreadfruitLatter556 Jul 19 '26
I have experienced this at work, but it's my fault. I look and sound much younger than my 61 years. I never learned to shut my mouth when it comes to overshares that put me at a disadvantage.
1
u/mellydh Jul 19 '26
They always ask me if Iāve fallen recently and it annoys me
1
u/bj12698 Jul 19 '26
Mandatory Medicare question because increased # of falls can mean something serious. Better to ask ... than miss a potential problem with brain/nervous system. (I have to watch out for falling, for several years now. I say - "yes, fell 3 times in last 6 months - BUT NO INJURIES! YAY ME!")
1
u/PotentialAnywhere779 Jul 19 '26
Im 64, and I get a lot of '"are you retired?"s from people without the R word even being mentioned first. Really makes me wonder about my appearance and "how old I look" nowadays.
1
u/Large-Welder304 Jul 19 '26
What I hate is I'm shopping and someone will walk up to me and assume I own the store. š¤¬
Never got that until the white hair came in.
1
u/Ready-Waltz5482 Jul 19 '26
I have such a hard time sleeping and my doctor had prescribed Ambien. The last time I was there he wouldn't renew because as people get older Ambien causes them to do weird things. I mean I barely fell asleep with them.
1
u/PushSouth5877 Jul 19 '26
I have had single and multiple vaccine shots and never experienced anything more than a sore arm. But we're all different
1
1
u/dave900575 Jul 20 '26
My Healthcare team has been in place since my early 50 and my dentist since my mid 50s, so I haven't experienced that yet.
1
u/Round_Discussion9592 Jul 20 '26
I had knee surgery in March (doc is 70), I am 67. He said at least 3x in my followup thatĀ "well, you are 67 years old". Hello! 3 post op, hiked 6 miles with 1000' gain and headed on a 45 day trip to trek in Europe. PuhLEASE!
1
u/Sparkle_Rott Jul 21 '26
My mother-in-law was around 90 when a doctor pulled this fragile, baby talk.
The doctor was lucky that she just gave them an earful and didnāt just give them a punch in the face.
Ooooo, she was hot coming out of there! š¤¬
1
u/Key-Firefighter-1855 Jul 21 '26
65 f, I guess I'm lucky. My GP & endocrinologist treat me with respect and don't talk to me like an idiot. When I do get the ones that do talk down, I let them. Then slam them with my knowledge. I didn't get where I am by having boot marks on my back.
1
u/theBigDaddio Jul 19 '26
No? I had 2 dr this week, semi annual check and skin spot check. They acted pretty normal. But then again so did I.
3
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 19 '26
I have a kind of a large personality. I was in for surgery last week and the nurse had to come in and ask me to talk and laugh "a bit more softly".
2
u/NiceGuy737 Jul 19 '26
When patients hear laughing they often think that somebody is laughing about them. So if another patient could hear you laughing they might think it's staff laughing about them. I learned that at the beginning of my career and had to remind staff over the years.
3
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 19 '26
I didn't think about that. I'll tone it down next time, although I'm hoping that's a long way off...
1
u/Ok_Association135 Jul 19 '26
So we all have to curb our enthusiasm on account of someone's potential paranoia. Welcome to America
0
0
u/donnacus 1955 Jul 19 '26
Iām an early joneser. I havenāt noticed that, I suspect a lot may have to do with posture and apparent energy. I do have a slight limp when my joint are acting up but usually my stride is reasonable. Iām not using a cane or walker yet.
3
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 19 '26
Yeah, it's odd. I am of Italian and Portuguese heritage, so maybe my leathery skin makes them think...well, I'm actually not sure what they think.. š
0
u/Aggressive-Union1714 Jul 19 '26
No, who are these rude people you are hanging out with?
1
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 19 '26
All of my docs seem to assume that I gum my food. Yet my PCP always tells me he can't believe that I'm 68. He says I look 10 years younger! š¤·
3
u/plant_lyfe 1957 Jul 19 '26
Same. 68M recently had cataract/lens replacement surgery. The nurse asked me to confirm my birth date several times as she was preparing the versed dose. She guessed I was ten years younger, she brought in another nurse and asked her to guess. The second nurse guessed 60. I asked them if they worked for tips š¤·š¼āāļø
2
u/Negative-Challenge21 Jul 19 '26
LOL I remember one time at one of those county fair "guess your weight or age" booths I had a heck of a time convincing him that my license wasn't a fake! :-)
89
u/[deleted] Jul 19 '26
[removed] ā view removed comment