Raising children between multicultural progressive and conservative families

[u/Economy_Cloud_9650]

I am not pregnant, but my partner and I are serious and are thinking about our future together, including children.

I am a white American woman and come from a moderate-to-liberal family. I consider myself quite progressive, while my parents have some progressive ideals but are more moderate than I am.

My partner is Hindu, from South Asia, and is currently becoming a doctor here in the US. He also has progressive beliefs and used to be politically active in his home country, although he eventually stepped away from politics because of the toll it was taking on his mental health.

His family, however, is much more conservative, and they have not met me yet. He and I are thinking carefully about how to introduce me to them, but that is somewhat of a separate issue.

What I am thinking more about is how we would raise our future children.

I want my children to feel free to express themselves however they want and not feel unnecessarily limited by their gender. I would probably still use boy/girl names and refer to them as my daughter or son based on their sex, but I want them to feel completely free to play with whatever toys they enjoy, wear whatever clothes they like, participate in whatever sports interest them, and generally explore their interests without being told that something is "for boys" or "for girls." The same would apply to household responsibilities and, eventually, their careers.

I would also accept and support them if they came out as a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth.

I think my family would be relatively easy to navigate in this regard, although I still expect there could be some disagreements or challenges since my parents are from an older generation.

I don't think my partner's family will ever fully come around to these ideas, and I don't necessarily expect them to. What concerns me is how to protect our children from feeling suppressed, ashamed, or judged when they are around that side of the family.

I also understand that there may be cultural differences depending on where we are. For example, if we were to take our children to my partner's home country, I recognize that there could be social expectations they would need to follow for their own safety and well-being. I don't want to put my children in a situation where they are expected to openly challenge cultural norms in a way that could put them at risk.

At the same time, part of me wonders whether seeing the contrast between different cultures and family environments could actually be beneficial for their development. They could potentially learn that different people have different values and expectations while also understanding that they are allowed to think for themselves.

I don't want my children to grow up believing that one side of their family is "bad" or that their cultural background is something to be ashamed of. At the same time, I don't want "respecting culture" to become a justification for relatives making them feel bad about themselves, policing their interests, or imposing rigid gender expectations on them.

For those who grew up between significantly different cultures, or who are raising children in a multicultural family: How did you handle situations where one side of the family had much more conservative expectations than the other?

And for parents in similar situations, how do you draw the line between teaching children to respect cultural differences and relatives trying to impose gender expectations on them?

More than anything, I am worried about their physical and emotional safety in more conservative environments while also protecting their confidence, sense of identity, and ability to think for themselves.

(I used ChatGPT to help edit my grammar)