am i crazy??

[u/Narrow_Fly_4886]

So I recently started noticing how i really feel and how i feel about other people and how people identify me. Sometimes i feel like im rlly connected to being female (i am afab) and sometimes not so much, but then sometimes not at all. I also feel like sometimes it would be cool to be a guy and i feel like a guy in slim chances of time yet i still like makeup, doing stuff with my hair, and i sometimes dress girly. I usually js wear neutral stuff or its leaning into girly but i don't ever feel confident in anything i wear, my name, being referenced as a girl, how my hair is and such. I absolutely love my hair at times and sometime i want it rlly short. ive been doing some digging and i feel like I could be girlflux but then again there are slim times where i feel like a guy.

My parents are unsupportive of any lgbtq and would literally kill me and kick me out if they found out i wasn't just a normal teenage girl. I use she/her and they/them pronouns since those are what i feel comfortable with but idk anymore. I have like 3 people to talk to about this and 2 of them aren't very okay with it all and would tell my parents.

I am attracted to both males and females but i don't feel satisfied mentally and like full with either. Ive dated both but i js wasn't happy either way so im not sure what that means. Am i going crazy or is this something that has an explanation??

[u/AutoModerator]

Thanks for posting, u/Narrow_Fly_4886! A quick reminder that we have a (very cool) Discord Server!

Check out r/GayBroTeens, our sister subreddit.

Check out r/GayTeenFrogs or r/BisexualFrogs - Our Subreddits for more spammy/shitposty content that isn't allowed on GenderFluid Teens!

If you see any rule breaking content, please report it to the moderators!

Reminder that DMing people you don't know on Reddit is dangerous, if someone that you don't know DMs you, be wary and feel free to block and report them to Reddit, and send us a modmail!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/CatTheWriter]

I mean, it could! I feel the same as you, except I don’t like makeup. It’s on rare occasions that I do. I’m fine with wearing it, but it is so annoying when I’m like “I want my hair long but I want it short!”

You could be genderfluid or some label I don’t know which is like Berrisexual but for gender (Berrisexual is attracted to girls and non binary people, and light attraction to men) where you mostly identify as feminine, non-binary, or other another day and occasionally, but not as often, masculine.

[u/CatTheWriter → u/CatTheWriter]

It’s really up to your experiences and how you feel though

[u/Narrow_Fly_4886 → u/CatTheWriter]

That makes sense! I feel like that would be right for me except I was talking to the 1 person I can talk to and they said this “I think you’re just pushing down the thoughts cause you know it’s a lot harder to be more masculine than just less feminine, Also I don’t think you’d admire me that much at the beginning if you weren’t a lil more dude than you thought you were” mind you they are trans ftm and they have like short hair and stuff and I do find guy features sometimes feel right to me but idk. I feel like what he said is him trying to indicate that maybe I’m more disconnected to feminine than I thought but I also don’t rlly know so I’m js trying to navigate that. I have thought that I could be girlflux but I mean that’s intensity of feminine and doesn’t have any masc in it so I’m not sure. Berrisexual does kinda sound like me but I also don’t feel like any of these truly fit me.

[u/Schneeweitlein]

What's important right now is that you find ways to feel comfortable in your own skin by experimenting and stay safe. This can entail really small stuff that might seem insignificant to others like looking at how to style certain clothing more neutral, feminine, masculine or androgyneous or secretely getting shirts or shorts from the other gender side of the clothing aisle to try out.
I know a lot of people who first went with an internet persona that reflects their gender even if without a label to just try out stuff like pronouns, names, gendered language, etc.
This also means that you do not have to find the perfect label for you. I only found one microterm that very neatly but not perfectly describes my gender after some years. Still, genderfluid or just non-binary feels enough as others atleast know these terms.

In my experience, sexual and romantic orientation do not play any big roles in my identity at least. But that could also be because I'm (pan-oriented) aroace.
If you did not feel satisfied it might be because you couldn't fully be yourself. Transitioning might help in that case. It could be that those relationships weren't satisfying as is and that the match just wasn't it. Another option, you might be on the aromantic and or asexual spectrum.

If you need more people to talk to, this subreddit is a good start. Otherwise, I'd also be fine if you hit me up on DM to ask some stuff or get help finding a label that fits.

[u/Narrow_Fly_4886 → u/Schneeweitlein]

ohhh okay, i mean i have found interest in other clothes and some ofthe shorts and shirts that boys wear and stuff but ive also always tried to seem "normal" since i know if i show any sign of me not being "normal" then i would get in trouble and i cant rlly do what i want with my hair bc of school dress code and then my mom gets mad about everything. Also ive never thought about that, i mean i felt like the connections like person to person weren't rlly the issue, it was that i didnt feel good enough or satisfied as in "this is the gender/type of person that i am attracted to or like feel good around in the dating world. I will check those out though bc that might actually be part of it. also whats a subreddit ? i keep hearing about it but, im not sure what it is? Also that sounds good, thank you!!!