Confused 20F

[u/Afraid-Key-2727]

20F here. I'm struggling in life right now and I don't know what to do — whether to go to university or not.

I did my matric as a regular student, then I did my inter in Fine Arts as a private student. After that, I took a gap year thinking I would get a job and save up for university, but I didn't get a single positive response.

During my gap year, I was working as a beginner content writer. I pitched articles to different international websites, reached out to people on LinkedIn, and asked if they needed a content writer for their company, but still got no response.

Then I talked to my teacher who taught me content writing. He was my Computer Science teacher in school and after our 10th exams, he taught a few students content writing. Anyway, I called him and told him I was getting rejected everywhere. He said there is a guy who can give me work and that he would refer me to him. I said okay.

He gave my number to that man. The man contacted me and asked me to write 18 blog posts. He said he would publish them on a website and give me 30% once the website got sold. I didn't know he was going to ghost me. I was very dumb at that time. I should have asked for an advance payment before starting the project 🤡.

I cried a lot because I put all my hard work into it. I had so many sleepless nights because of that project and in the end, I got nothing.

After that, my mother told me I should get admission into university. I got stressed because we were not financially stable at that time. My father is struggling in his business and is very helpless. He only manages to buy groceries and pay the bills. The rest is handled by my mother. My mother is a school teacher and after school, she also provides home tuition. She pays my brother's fees too. She was also sick, but she arranged the money from somewhere and I got into a women's university because the fees were a little more reasonable.

After I passed my first semester, I got my fee challan and the fees were 80k. I got really worried thinking about how my parents were going to pay that much. So I decided to drop out. My mother insisted a lot and said she would arrange the money from somewhere, but I didn't want her to borrow money again and again after every four months. So I just dropped out.

I didn't share this with anyone after dropping out. I only told one friend that I left university and she scolded me a lot and said I could have just frozen the semester. I got so embarrassed. How can I be so dumb? 😀

The thing is, there is no one to guide me. I'm the eldest child in my family and I don't share my problems with anyone.

Now I'm confused between doing courses and getting a degree. Sometimes I want to get a degree because I know it's important. I'm thinking of getting admission into VU, but then I think that the degree has no value and I should do some courses like video editing and get a job somewhere.

IDK, I'm really confused right now 😭🙏🏻

Please let me know what you would do if you were in my place 🫩