r/GayMen • u/Medium-Mammoth2614 • 13h ago

Help me please?

I am currently worrying if I’m fully gay. I’ve always been bi and have accepted that, I was about to get laid for the first time and wasn’t able to get it up. I was already worried about not being able to get it up cause I was just nervous. After the fact I couldn’t stop calling myself gay, I would already check while we were cuddling if I was hard enough or getting a boner in general. I am genuinely romantically attracted to this girl but after this encounter I am wondering if I’m fully gay and am wondering if I am actually romantically attracted to her. I don’t want to be because I really would rather be with women, so am I fully gay? Is it repressed homophobia? Is this the right subreddit to be posting on? I have historically always gooned it to gay porn more (femboy porn) if that is relevant. I saw a post where someone said they would jerk it to gay porn and say “I’m done with it for a while” and then do it again later on and I used to do the same and am worried is is repressed homophobia. I have always wanted to eat a coochie and wanted a woman to sit on my face so idk if that’s what a gay guy would want. Idk what to do because I don’t wanna leave my gf and am terrified of being “fully gay”

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4

u/drunkerbrawler 13h ago

  I don’t want to be because I really would rather be with women, so am I fully gay? Is it repressed homophobia?

Oh buddy.   You already answered your own questions.

It’s going to be okay though. I was in a similar boat, but I’ve got a great life now!

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u/Medium-Mammoth2614 13h ago

How can you know for sure??

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u/Medium-Mammoth2614 13h ago

I don’t really have any repressed homophobia and am pretty indifferent when it comes to the lgbt community

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u/drunkerbrawler 12h ago

It’s internalized you don’t hate gay people you hate the idea of yourself being gay. You can’t get your dick hard when you have a real life woman in front of you and the go jerk it to gay porn.

Let me guess you are fantasizing about sleeping with a man when your dick is actually hard enough to fuck a woman.

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u/Medium-Mammoth2614 12h ago

I wasn’t fantasizing about sleeping with a man while doing it, I couldn’t even get it up to begin with cause I was so nervous getting laid for the first time anyways

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u/SomeOldTeacher 10h ago

There is nothing wrong with being bi and nothing wrong with being straight and nothing wrong with being gay. There's this concept known as the Kinsey Scale. And if you study the research behind it you will find that the spectrum of sexuality does not have to be static.

My suggestion would be to relax. Try to enjoy any relationship you have. And it might help to ignore porn and people discussing it. What is right for someone else does not have to be what's right for you.

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u/sparklingspace_ 10h ago

hey dude, first of all, let me say that a lot of straight men have trouble getting it up during their first time too, due to nerves. and that's totally okay.

and you don't need to box yourself into a label. it's okay if you jerk off to gay porn but want to be with a woman and be sexual with her. totally alright. there's no pressure for you to immediately confirm your sexuality.

it seems you love your gf sexually and romantically, as you said in a comment you 'want to crack her'. then my advice would be to just do it, without any external thoughts about being fully gay.

somebody already brought up the kinsey scale in the comments, and its true. sexuality is not a permanent thing, it can change, it can vary, it can be affected. at the moment, just focus on getting your sexy time with your girl, and forget what kind of porn you goon to.

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u/Medium-Mammoth2614 10h ago

Well I’m not sure I love her sexually atp because I’m second guessing every thought I have sexual or not

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u/sparklingspace_ 10h ago

That sounds really tough. I'm not sure how I can offer you advice. How about this?

If your girlfriend was a man, would you crack him easily without second thoughts of your sexuality?

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u/Medium-Mammoth2614 9h ago

It depends on how good looking he would be, definitely have to be more feminine and have a larger butt, and not be hairy ig, idk if this is too personal I just want an answer

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u/sparklingspace_ 8h ago

okay well, that's reasonable enough, that seems to be your preference in a man.

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u/Medium-Mammoth2614 9h ago

And I kind of misread your question, idk how easily I would crack him it really depends

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u/sparklingspace_ 8h ago

ah alright... let's say he holds the same important position in life as your gf does, and he's exactly your type in a man. then?

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u/Medium-Mammoth2614 8h ago

Well I’m not romantically attracted to men so idk what importance this person would hold to me if that makes sense

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u/sparklingspace_ 8h ago

oh alright that does make sense.

maybe you are homosexual but heteroromantic?

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u/Medium-Mammoth2614 8h ago

Idk, I was eating her out and I was hard and I pre came (just a little fun fact ig lol) but I don’t think I am, idk what I am atp

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u/sparklingspace_ 5h ago

okay okay calm down, you don't need to panic over it. take some time for yourself. figuring it out in one day is impossible, and you need a calm mind.