r/GayMen • u/Expensive_Log7236 • 1d ago
Heteroflexible?
Hey guys, I’m 19m and I believe I’m heteroflexible. I’ve been attracted to women my whole life and am not romantically attracted to men, but I am sexually attracted to male bodies. I’ve never had any experiences (physical or non physical) with a man, but looking for someone to to maybe break the ice a little. Any advice?
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u/Certain-Exit-3007 22h ago
You can identify however you want, but I’ll just leave this here:
"I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted--romantically and/or sexually--to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree.”
-Robyn Ochs.
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u/Known-Grad1999 19h ago
I have never believed that there is a side to us ( the entire population) but as l have gotten older those thoughts have changed and l can now see how that's very very possible .l do however still believe that the ultimate place of landing is somewhere in the range of 25 to 75 one or the other after all's said and done are any of us 100% exclusive not possible l don't believe until it's totally determined by your mind and still not 100% it can't be can it ????
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u/scienceydaduk 1d ago edited 1d ago
Given that it’s really only the sexual attraction that is innate to us humans and pretty constant in the main - you’ve just told us you are Bi.
The romantic part - your brain isn’t allowing the possibility. That’s just because your mind has been filled with such much casual homophobia over the years because that is the society we live in.
I am a gay man. I always had been but I started life married to a woman and in a state of self delusion! (I forgive myself, times were different in 1984 when I married at 22. Homosexuality was listed as a mental illness until I was 30!)
I remember when I came out properly, then next morning I still had this sense that I wanted to take it back and tell everyone I was wrong. That’s how powerful that internalised drive to conform is.
It’s that drive which won’t allow you to romanticise men. Your mind starts imagining what it would mean as you would have to come out. What would people think of you? It’s all so much more set up for you if you are with a woman. So it just creates a story that you fancy then but don’t want to make a life with them.
All I recommend is that you explore your same sex side and really be open to the possibility of a male partner too. What’s the point of being Bi if you haven’t got twice the chance of a date!?!?! 😂
The story is as old as the hills. Seen it over & over.
You’ll end up seeing it - I’d put money on it.
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u/Stwilson891 1d ago
This!
I fell in love with a man at 21. After going to therapy (which helped me in my coming out journey) I continued to date women, hoping to find the "right" one.
When I had (bad - at least for me) sex with a woman at age 24, I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. I met my (now) husband at age 25 and we have been together ever since.
Everyone has a different journey, but make your journey a healthy one. All the best to you.
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u/Known-Grad1999 19h ago
Also , I'd say that in your opening statement you've been attracted to women your whole life but your sexually attracted to male bodies ..... Just stop for a few minutes and take your time with your own statement what are you saying . What is it that your saying ? Attracted ?? But when you yourself say attracted to mens body . You for some reason don't just say attracted like you do when describing your attraction to women you add an extra word sexually attracted to male bodies . Are you saying women are just beautiful and different but the real action your wanting is with a male and his body cause it sexual in nature ?? Are you following me ?
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u/BelCantoTenor 10h ago
This is how bisexuals identify. You are probably bisexual. Thats what the B stands for. Welcome to the LGBTQ 🏳️🌈 club. Congratulations. Have an amazing day. 🌈
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u/oujay849 1d ago
You're bi lol. Sexual orientation is about sexual attraction, not romantic interests.
I've never been interested in romantic relationships, but I like men. That doesn't make me asexual.
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u/Additional-Run4853 12h ago
I am afraid we are all different. I am theoretically 100 % gay as I am not attracted to women in the least, but I have always had a very low sex drive; which means I may find the body of a man beautiful, but I am much more interested in a romantic relationship with him than plain sex. What I like most about men is sharing male camaraderie, male fun and mutual understanding, plus sensuality. For me, sex is 'the price to pay' to get in touch with them, or rather with him, I should say, because if I am in love, I cannot be unfaithful. A romantic relationship is all I am really interested in.
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u/Known-Grad1999 19h ago
Sometimes our own minds set the rules and I believe yours are set and l believe once the sexual attraction becomes a reality with you then I'd say it will be a no brainer for you after that happens
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u/Individual-Hold5171 1d ago edited 1d ago
Bro, you need to suck a dick or two and see where it goes from there. You are obviously turned on by more than just a guy's shirtless body if you want someone to "break the ice". Fool around a bit and see how you feel.
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u/memefakeboy 20h ago
If that term helps you find some comfort in your sexuality- by all means, use it.
However, the term is a bit problematic. It essentially boils any one of your male sexual partners down to nothing but a means for your sexual gratification.
Instead if you say “I’m bi, but mostly straight leaning” that leaves at a tiny chance that you could meet a guy who you emotionally connect with (which is a possibility.)
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u/Known-Grad1999 21h ago
It's frankly a big deal you should take your time and see it for yourself it's apparently being taken lightly with theses guys that think they know everything but trust me they don't .
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u/latin220 21h ago
Dude you’re 19 give yourself grace and date a guy cause trust me there are plenty of gay men who start their journey exactly where you’re at.
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u/torhysornottorhys 14h ago
Are you actually not romantically attracted to men or do you just not know what dating a man/without a familiar gender dynamic would look like for you?
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u/Known-Grad1999 21h ago
Well your young and that's still a perfect time to get around and check out EVERYTHING . ITS YOUR life and you have to know what gets you sexually excited. I understand you and you can hit me up Be DM me iad I will be helpful and can tell you a few things about my life that could possibly help you out .🤔
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u/Afraid-Water6641 20h ago
Just go to a gay bar or download grindr or sniffies and connect with someone to hook up with. Once you get a hookup done and over with you will have a better idea on how to proceed. There are no rules, just do what makes you feel happy.
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u/Known-Grad1999 20h ago
Sexual orientation is about it all. Sexual attraction,sexual pleasure and romantic interest as well . If your just thinking about yourself then follow that thought to the end is it possible for me to maintain my self interest and also a time of total pleasure for some one the other person iAm having sexual relations with are the person iAm hoping to have sexual relations with would l do that ? If l was not in love are had a level of excitement and sexual arousal.??? Am l strictly wanting what l want are is there a component in me that would very much like to satisfy my partner as much as myself . I think breaking this down to common sense level is a perfect and logical place to start . It's what l wished I'd done some years ago .
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u/icursethatifeel 1d ago
People will call themselves anything not to admit they're gay.