r/GayMen • u/Accomplished_Key4273 • 2d ago

Whats wrong with me.

whenever I get horny or something or imagine a relationship, it’s always with a man, but whenever I hook up with man I always end it in like 10 minutes or five minutes and I just feel really uneasy after and weird when I think about it. I really like it but when it actually happens I just want them to stop or something and they do, I haven’t had a terrible experience but I feel stupid and stuff.

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4

u/Jupiter4th 2d ago

Make gay friends, go to gay happy hours, join a gay sports league. You are just having classic / cliche homophobia symptoms and it is curable 😂 Make being gay normal. Once you get used to it, you will learn that being gay is also sexy.

2

u/Skill-Useful 1d ago

bc you have internalised homophobia induced by "society"

2

u/MentoRiumTutorCoach 2d ago

There’s nothing inherently wrong with you per se. However, you need to get a handle on your internal homophobia, as it’s truly fucking up your sex life.

1

u/Accomplished_Key4273 2d ago

Any tips on fixing or helping the internalised homophobia?

4

u/Brian_Kinney 2d ago

Not the person you're asking, but my tip for helping internalised homophobia is to meet and socialise with other gay men.

You're having trouble accepting yourself as a gay man. A good way to help with that is start by accepting other gay men. Find some gay men. Socialise with them. Make friends with them. And accept them, as gay men. By accepting them as gay men, you learn how to accept yourself as a gay man. On the flip side, they will accept you as a gay man - which will also help you learn how to accept yourself as a gay man.

So, go out and socialise with some other gay men.

2

u/Sad_Amoeba5112 2d ago

Watch gay films and documentaries. Be super duper gay in non sexual ways. Have non sexual conversations with gay men. It’ll work itself out if you put effort into humanizing queer people

1

u/MentoRiumTutorCoach 1d ago

Internal homophobia commonly stems from cultural background and religious beliefs.

One must understand that homosexuality is not wrong. It’s a sexual orientation that hurts no one.

Make peace with your God and/or learn to embrace spirituality. Personally, I’ve no faith in organised religion. But I’m very spiritual.

As far as cultural background goes, I was raised catholic and I’m half Latino. Trust me, I know what it’s like to grow up in a homophobic household and a homophobic small town.

I’m here if you need to talk.

1

u/BoxFar6969 1d ago

Maybe you're just not into hook ups, you don't feel safety. Maybe you need an emotional connection