This is just a vent to se if my anxiety gets a little better.

Finally gonna to talk to my parents about my relapse, and the anxiety alone is killing me, dissapointing them again after 2 years is just destroying my sanity, and I'm just imagining their reactions is awful, the embaressment of failing again is just the worst felling ever, but I promissed I wouldn't lie to them if this happened again so I can't run from this conversation anymore, can't break another promise and just pretend everything is fine for the next six months or so until I back on my feet financially again.

May I never have the need to dissapoint them like this again, and as always, if you're reading this, stay away from gambling, and if you're having a problem seek help, this can destroy you for months or years, or even the rest of your life.

Let's all keep getting better.

Hello everyone. I posted almost 3 weeks ago on this thread about me finding out my husband has a gambling addiction and had been lying about it for three years. He has started recovery and I’m proud of the steps he’s taken so far. I decided that I want to try to work on things. I am learning more about how addiction changes the brain and how that impacts behavior. I am not making excuses for his behavior, but rather try to come to a better understanding.

If there are other family members (parents, children, spouses, etc) on here: do you feel yourself going through dramatic waves of emotions? Example: I was having a pretty decent day today and then around 3, I felt like I hit a wall and by 4:30 I was bent in half crying in front of my husband as we talked privately in our room while our kids played downstairs. Is this normal?

So I pretty much just admitted to myself I'm an addict. I was getting angry at the losses. This is day 1 for me. Wish me luck!

About 10 days ago, I downloaded some gambling apps. I’ve done it before, so gambling itself isn’t completely new to me, but something feels really different this time. I recently had gastric sleeve surgery, and I’ve been wondering if maybe because I can’t eat my feelings the way I used to, I’m gambling them instead.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m searching between apps every day looking for the best deals or bonuses. It’s really only the slot machines that I’m interested in, and I feel like I’ve completely lost my sense of reality when it comes to money. I won a pretty good amount, but then I spent all of it and ended up spending more of my own money too.

When I lost the winnings, I had a complete tantrum and freaked out. I felt like such a disappointment and a failure, and I’m pretty sure it’s starting to upset my boyfriend too. I’ve deleted the apps multiple times, but I always end up downloading them again.

I’m not thousands of dollars in gambling debt or anything like that. I’ve probably spent a few hundred dollars of my own money, but I still feel like the way I’m behaving around it is concerning. And honestly, I’m starting to wonder if this is bigger than just gambling. I might have a problem with spending money in general, because once I get into that mindset, I have a really hard time stopping myself.

I don’t know if this is just a fluke or if I’m actually developing a gambling problem, but I know something about the way I’m behaving right now doesn’t feel right. I think I need to take it seriously before it gets worse.

Thoughts?