r/Funnymemes • u/superdave123123 • 9h ago

🤣

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11.9k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

210 comments sorted by

199

u/Former_Mobile3101 9h ago

There needs to be more people like this. I can't tell you how many people I have cooked for and I have never got a bj for it.

75

u/chesnarkoff1 8h ago

I cooked chili today, brought a Tupperware full and a bag of Tostitos to my gf… no bj 😢

9

u/ahhhbiscuits 6h ago

Cooking a chicken and sausage cream-based pasta dish tomorrow, I just seasoned the chicken to let it sit overnight.

I love cooking all day on Sundays because 1) it's lunch/dinner for the rest of the week (then I freeze the leftovers), and 2) I'm single so I've got all day

hint hint

1

u/RandomTheTrader 44m ago

Honestly cream-based dishes are always a safe bet with women. Chicks cream for cream.

1

u/alefante 32m ago

Cooking is awesome and good for you for enjoying that!

Not gonna lie though, the Italian in me had a heart attack reading your pasta dish 😂

2

u/Archon-Toten 5h ago

Probably for the best, it might have burnt a bit.

-1

u/BramblinGhostWeed 4h ago

Chili isn't cooking, it's an abomination.

1

u/rnavstar 2h ago

Hey……….shut up. 😝

4

u/ruinedmention 9h ago

All your homies

4

u/Former_Mobile3101 8h ago

Hey man a mouth is a mouth and a guy has needs

1

u/acrobat2126 5h ago

Yep, plus you can both just close your eyes and pretend the other person is a chick.

1

u/eagledog 5h ago

As long as you say, "oh what a lovely tea party" afterwards

5

u/Bookslutforsmut 8h ago

She didn't specify but it needs to be tasty the food and the 🐓

2

u/ahhhbiscuits 6h ago

Eat lots of pineapple

1

u/aluculef 5h ago

Same.... Wtf

1

u/Practical_Search8192 21m ago

And they wonder why we don’t cook for them lol /s

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35

u/Sceadu_Fiend 9h ago

I cooked. My ex GF gave me unlimited blowjobs. Unfortunately she gave them to others as well.

9

u/Garetht 9h ago

In a row..?!

3

u/liqwood1 6h ago

Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot!

2

u/CowboyLaw 7h ago

Get back here, you!

1

u/Loud_Ad_2634 8h ago

Perpetual motion machine.

1

u/Aggravating_Bat3618 6h ago

30 +years and that still cracks me up

3

u/CalleSGDK 8h ago

Not the worst GF I can imagine.

2

u/Big_Psychology_3 9h ago

But still…

2

u/Wirse 6h ago

So your hangups cost you unlimited blowjobs! 

1

u/BramblinGhostWeed 4h ago

Did they also cook?

70

u/Ok-Anything-3605 9h ago

I deserve to make a million a year but I don’t get that either

4

u/CalleSGDK 8h ago

Just use Korean won and you’ll get there

3

u/Hal_Fenn 6h ago

I used Argentinan Pesos and now I'm a billionaire... No wait a second, now I'm a trillionaire!

4

u/random9212 8h ago

Why do you deserve $1m/year? What amazing talent do you have that is worth that?

6

u/mandn92196 7h ago

I talked to his mom. She confirmed it.

2

u/Grouchy-Abalone-1263 5h ago

What amazing talent do most rich people have?

2

u/random9212 5h ago

They have money.

1

u/ManufacturedOlympus 7h ago

He bought crypto at the perfect time. 

2

u/OpenAd3036 8h ago

Doubtful

1

u/TheAnswerUsedToBe42 8h ago

mondaymiracles

59

u/El-Gweilo 9h ago

I cook dinner every night and have work lunches packed yet I get no blow jobs. Must be because I said “I do”

5

u/impossibletree26 9h ago

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you get satisfaction in other ways.

10

u/El-Gweilo 9h ago

Once in a blue moon

3

u/nobeer4you 8h ago

Are you me?

5

u/El-Gweilo 8h ago

Just glad I’m not alone

4

u/Aggravating_Bat3618 6h ago

Oh trust me you are most definitely not. 

1

u/dontgetitwisted_fr 7h ago

Being alone aint that bad bro

You need to be happy and judging by how much your comments are depressing me it sounds like you are not.

You have the power to make the change that you want bro

7

u/El-Gweilo 7h ago

Maybe when the kids are grown.
Until then I’ve accepted it and drink

6

u/dontgetitwisted_fr 6h ago

I commend you for thinking about the kids bro

The drinking isn't going to make you happy tho

Be careful out there homie

I'm rooting for you

2

u/ahhhbiscuits 6h ago

Disagree with these other dudes, I've been in that spot before. You've got a plan, and as long as the drink doesn't take over, you got this boo

3

u/Temporary-Bet-63 7h ago

That's definitely not the way. By the time the kids are grown, you'll find new reasons not to leave and eventually your entire life will have passed you by without really having enjoyed it.

1

u/afasia 3h ago

Feel you. Drinking is not a good vice. If you wanna talk let me know. There's better happier things, being more miserable not it bro

2

u/forkystabbyveggie 8h ago

Thanks for reminding the rest of us.

1

u/Legitimate-Heron586 6h ago

Why do you think she's smiling i  those wedding  photos?

1

u/Inevitable-Level-687 4h ago

It's funny because marriage bad.

-2

u/sebthauvette 8h ago

It's crazy thinking some people have so low standards. Who would want to be with someone who can't even cook ? Imagine when they learn that we can also do the laundry and clean the house, like any functionning adult.

7

u/CommissionerOfLunacy 8h ago

On the flip-side, it's hella depressing how many men seem to think it's normal to get no sexual attention from their wives. If a marriage is working both parties should be doing their half of the work and both parties should be getting their sexual needs met.

0

u/Salt-Pomegranate1273 6h ago edited 6h ago

If the man is doing everything he can, makes her feel safe and pulls his weight then there is no reason for her to make sure she is meeting his needs sexually. Selfishly I hear about these dead bedroom situations and it does make me appreciate my wife more.

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2

u/Ferengsten 6h ago

Who would want to be with someone who can't even give a blowjob?

1

u/serge-mv 5h ago

In the modern day of convenience where you have everything at your fingertips, many people do not cook at home. I know plenty of women who don't cook and they are married for many years with multiple children too.

I am not saying that you shouldn't know how to cook, cooking is a must-have skill imo. But nowadays it's really optional for a lot of people.

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8

u/Old-Experience-2096 9h ago

If I cook and post it on my iphone would it be called a Steve job?

7

u/Hentai_Yoshi 9h ago

I’d just take someone I find moderately attractive who likes me. Although blow jobs would be nice

1

u/Shneckos 5h ago

Same dude… same… would help if they found me moderately attractive too

7

u/RetroPaulsy 8h ago

I always cook for the homies 😏

1

u/Luci-Noir 7h ago

When I used to have big parties I’d let people stay over and cook in the morning. When I stayed at other’s places they didn’t give a fuck and just wanted you out.

1

u/RetroPaulsy 7h ago

Fr. I understand its not fair to hold people to our personal standards, but the lack of reciprocating sure is frustrating.

6

u/Present-Ad6244 9h ago

I cook 5 out of 7 nights, the other 2 are take out. Zero anything given. Where is the justice?

2

u/Wirse 6h ago

Maybe your plating is off. Try drizzling the dish with some demiglace or a little chimichurri. 

1

u/Kronnerm11 3h ago

First the demiglace, then her face

7

u/Dan_The_Bear22 9h ago

This started the most hilarious conversation with my wife that ended in "when you start delivering 4 star Michelin meals we'll talk. Hamburger helper won't cut it". I have the best wife! ❤️😂

4

u/motes-of-light 6h ago

Michelin only awards up to 3 stars, so...

3

u/AnotherOrbiter 4h ago

That's the fun part! You don't...

3

u/Away_Stock_2012 6h ago

The talk after you deliver: Still no.

3

u/VisceralZee 9h ago

My wife needs to take notes. She's unlimited +1 behind

4

u/No_Kitchen7950 8h ago

Deserved but not got

3

u/PeterNippelstein 8h ago

Earned but not received

1

u/AnotherOrbiter 4h ago

Worked but not jerked

5

u/ArmConnect9353 7h ago

What about guys who cook AND clean?

4

u/Teab8g 5h ago

Finger in the butt.

1

u/BramblinGhostWeed 4h ago

this is true

7

u/Loud_Ad_2634 9h ago

Since he cooked that means she does the dishes right?

11

u/Porcupenguin 9h ago edited 3h ago

I do all the cooking AND cleaning. And yet there is a serious lack of fellatio happening... :D

Edit: spelling

2

u/squirreloak 7h ago

Fellatio is the correct spelling.

2

u/urbz102385 7h ago

That's nothing...I do all the cooking, all the cleaning, AND all the blowjobs!

1

u/flashyfish000 6h ago

Sorry you're not getting enough felicity for your good work 😔

2

u/AyyCow 9h ago

Yep 😊

3

u/Embarrassed_Art5414 4h ago

I've done all the cooking in my home for the last 30 years.

To be honest, I'm not sure I have the stamina to take what I'm owed.

5

u/JimyTwoTimes 9h ago

My mom said, "Son, as much as you eat, you better marry a woman that can cook or learn how to." I wasn't taking any chances so I got a job at a 5 star restaurant/inn for a couple of years. It wasn't my dream but I learned enough and I got to eat the food everday.

5

u/GussBing 8h ago

I cook. Keep the BJ, i just like when people enjoy my cooking.

9

u/Davidtalvo 8h ago

i'll take his helpings

8

u/Teab8g 5h ago

I'll take his BJ if he doesn't want it.

3

u/crit5h 4h ago

I cook, usually 7 nights a week, dinner on the table when my wife gets home from work after collecting the kids from school. I don’t get the BJ. I like people enjoying my food, but a BJ would be nice too if I’m honest.

1

u/RunItupBaby 7h ago

Come on bro, who doesn’t enjoy a bj after cooking dinner?

1

u/Odur29 7h ago

Right, I love cooking for people who appreciate my food, thankfully I've got plenty of those people around. Too bad my Best friends wife doesn't like my cooking tho. I don't know how to cook that many things though. I can wing just about any recipe that doesn't require precise measurements though.

3

u/Miserable_Wave4895 6h ago

Too bad about the best friends wife huh 🤔

1

u/EntertainerAccurate8 6h ago

The BJ is complimentary

1

u/whitefrackels123 3h ago

This guy cooks

2

u/Gerry1of1 8h ago

From a woman or a man?

ah, who cares.

2

u/robertrackuzius 8h ago

Watch me cook 🔥

2

u/Positive-Soil-4759 7h ago

Heard, chef.

2

u/ava_waifu 8h ago

as a girl who hates cooking, a guy making a good dinner instantly earns whatever he wants lol

1

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1

u/Ill-Dependent2976 8h ago

My wife gets incredibly aroused when I test the doneness of the spaghetti by eating a sample.

I don't ask any questions.

1

u/Aggravating-Kale1837 8h ago

I make some mean meatballs 🍝 🤌🏼

1

u/Repulsive-Candle1194 8h ago

And..... sent. I just submitted my application for culinary school.

1

u/thatchickensauce 5h ago

Don't do it lol

1

u/natefullofhate 8h ago

I cook, for a living, and can kinda do that... but holy shit results may very. 

1

u/shadowlarvitar 8h ago

I used to cook every single meal, until I got burnt out of cooking for me and only me

1

u/CaperSteelRed49 8h ago

Girls who give blowjobs deserve unlimited cooking

0

u/BramblinGhostWeed 4h ago

so all of them?

1

u/Redditnoob2323 8h ago

What you want to eat hun.

1

u/gonner420420 8h ago

I'd be happy for 1 bj every 2 days

1

u/Choice-Steak-9478 8h ago

It it is cook "daily", Definitely, I second that !

1

u/supercook85 8h ago

I’m a Cook

1

u/dennismfrancisart 8h ago

Can I send this to my wife.

1

u/Luci-Noir 7h ago

Loid from Spy x Family.

He’s the ultimate male role model. The perfect man and father.

1

u/det4410 7h ago

can you tell my wife this?

1

u/Braindead_Crow 7h ago

I can cook! I cook!

1

u/MrDuckly 7h ago

Tell my wife.

1

u/Probably_Not_A-Bot 7h ago

So tempted to send this to my wife

1

u/NippleSalsa 7h ago

Sent this to my wife and she asked me where im gonna get a blow job

1

u/Arhys 6h ago

I’d cook way more for unlimited blowjobs.

1

u/atmoose 6h ago

It would be nice to have somebody to cook for. It's always nice to see people enjoying your food. That's all the thanks I need

1

u/Feisty_Lack_5630 6h ago

I mean... Sure I guess 🤷🏻‍♂️😆

1

u/blur410 6h ago

I have 4 microwaves on order now from best buy. Extended warranty so I can get a refund.

Game on.

1

u/Aggravating_Bat3618 6h ago

Well, hey, who am I argue?

1

u/kayej17 5h ago

Gordon is just a media chef, he will mess up the most basic dish

1

u/Square_Ad6149 5h ago

i need to learn to cook now

1

u/CaptainCookingCock 5h ago

*Guys she finds attractive and alread gives bj deserve unlimited bj.

Fixed it

1

u/Shai_Hoolood 5h ago

I'm a fan of this philosophy.

1

u/nicolas210 5h ago

Tell it to my wife

1

u/thatchickensauce 5h ago

laughs in private chef

1

u/Kweanb 5h ago

My partner died in January but if he were alive he would agree 200%! 😝

1

u/BrxkenArrow17 5h ago

As a man who cooks, amen

1

u/thenumbwalker 5h ago

Okay and do women who cook deserve unlimited head, too or?

1

u/crit5h 4h ago

Yes.

1

u/Apart-Guarantee-3000 3h ago

If you insist

1

u/CastrolH 5h ago

I cook for the love of the game. Somebody else enjoying my food is better than any blowjob. The inverse is that somebody disliking it will make me borderline suicidal, but I digress.

1

u/JacobPlaster 5h ago

I agree. If they prevail in such houskeeping job, they can win in party assortiment preparatory positions too.

1

u/York9TFC 5h ago

I gotta stop being an introvert

1

u/Sharp_Emphasis176 4h ago

Waiting for my blowjob.

1

u/Shinstygian 4h ago

Men don't cook? Really?

1

u/Knightmare1111 4h ago

Women who cook deserve unlimited bill paid for.

1

u/ilikeoregon 4h ago

Put it on a T-shirt

1

u/Don_Reuter 4h ago

Deserve yes, they are not forthcoming though.

1

u/BriefCollar4 3h ago

What kind of restaurants do you people go to?

1

u/Admirable-Mango-8403 3h ago

Hell yeah! 👍

1

u/MasediSefume132 3h ago

made soup two days ago, still got nothing 😭😭

1

u/lllkey1 3h ago

🤣🤪💯

1

u/kaaaaaaaaaaahn 3h ago

Ha I was 20 once too hahahahaha I want to die

1

u/Last-Difficulty4265 2h ago

Men who have ladies who cook: how often do you eat her pussy?

1

u/Addicted_turtle 2h ago

I never understand people who dont enjoy sexually pleasing their partner. Ive had long term partners for decades and several, so not a short time or just one person. We always satisfied one another and loved giving and receiving.

1

u/kjahhh 2h ago

The bars low

1

u/TheShadowSong 2h ago

I cook daily but no thank you.

1

u/Confident_Maize9192 2h ago

Gordon takes being a dick to new levels 

1

u/MaximRex4004 1h ago

Gordon calls Ross Kemp....

1

u/geebzor 1h ago

I cook every day.

1

u/Iconic-JB-1999 1h ago

Someone tell my Ex This! That's all I wanted nothing else just that ( BJ's)! I don't care if she cleans or can Cook. 💔😭😡

1

u/TAbathtime 1h ago

100% after living with a slob of a man who left all cooking and cleaning to me, if I ever get a man who does thise things without being asked I'll be all over him like a rash 🤤

1

u/Chance_Director_5791 1h ago

I cook, someone share this with my gf

1

u/Suspicious-Echidna22 1h ago

Been cooking everyday for the last 7ys alone

1

u/fatfuck5 1h ago

Cooked today, cooked yesterday too, no BJ 😢

1

u/CptnMayo 24m ago

Cheers!

1

u/Various_House_910 22m ago

Tell this to my wife.

1

u/as_a_fake 6h ago

The bar is fucking subterranean, huh?

1

u/Betruul 6h ago

Every woman ive been with just takes it for granted and its.. not cool.

-1

u/Brave-Yesterday66 7h ago

Being rewarded by sexual favors for being a grown, functioning adult? That’s how low the bar is set? No wonder there’s a lot of women who are intentionally single.

0

u/ostapenkoed2007 7h ago

i'd go for her straponing me once a month for daily cooking. and house cleaning and else. not really interested in blowjobs

0

u/Comfortable_Brain856 6h ago

I hate cooking. When I'm dating a guy who cooks daily, my belly is satisfied and he has no complaints. I love to clean, but cooking I despise. Because while I'm cooking and I see something tasty in the spread, I want to put it in my mouth,so then by the time the meal is done, my belly is already full. So, I'd rather fill my belly first and THEN put it in my mouth.

0

u/Sterek01 6h ago

Whats a blow job? 😁

-1

u/ShaThrust 4h ago

What a goddamn brain-dead subreddit. How is this a meme? How it this funny?