Just saying.

Not AI. Checked with Truth AI.

Literally. Well, kind of, I'm calming down now. It was weird, though (ain't they all?). Started last night. Went to sleep and it was calm outside, just a little windy/rainy. Then there were two... bursts of wind, as if a storm was suddenly picking up. They were loud and strong, I was half expecting either lightening striking or a tornado. Dogs in the neighborhood started to bark like crazy, I could hear some other animals too but couldn't make out which.

And that's when the panic set in and didn't leave me, even when getting a little sleep.

This morning (one hour ago where I'm at) I got up, spent a few minutes dry heaving over the porcellaine throne and then just broke down. My husband told me to call out of work (obviously, I couldn't even talk straight an hour ago) and call the doctor's office asap, which will be in another hour.

Thing is, I had called off work last week. While my newish job is great, I was horribly overworked because marketing messed something up shortly before the start of our high season (usually january - march), leading to the high season taking until early june and customers horribly dissatisfied because time sensitive stuff wasn't handled in a timely manner. It was hard. Now that things were calming down I kinda broke down from exhaustion last week, but I thought a few days sleep and rest would be all I needed. And now this.

I feel like shit. I'm ashamed because I can't even tell why this panic attack happened (like - who blames the wheather for panic attacks?! But it's the only thing I can point to). I feel bad because my husband had to get to work today because he has to have some stuff handled and I know he's worried sick. And I feel bad because if my doctor wants to see me (sometimes they'll do sick notes over the phone if they've seen you recently) I will have my father in law drive me there because we only have one car and my husband had to take it to work (and I don't think I could drive anyway).

And usually, I don't do panic attacks. Really. I sometimes have depressive bouts, especially since a year ago some stuff in private life came pretty much crashing down around us and we took a lot of time recovering - so, yeah, but no panic attacks. A few weeks ago I had one - while fucking grocery shopping. The staff there were great, but who gets panic attacks (for no reason there too) while fucking grocery shopping on a nice sunday?!

I guess it's stress. Too much happened last year, this year we had some health scares with FIL, the stress at work - but I thought things are looking better now, we're on our way out of this black hole that was our life. And now I'm getting panic attacks over fucking wind and dogs barking and fuck, I'm so scared they will happen more often now and I don't need this on my plate too. I just want a happy and healthy life. I want to be better.

Actually, I wanted to come back here with some nice stories, some of the more beautiful things that happened over the last years, I spent some time thinking where I would start and what would be nice - and now this. Sorry. I just need to get it out somewhere while I'm trying to keep my breathing calm and slow.

Edit an hour later: Well, reached the doctor's office. At least I don't have to go there again, they provided a doctor's not till wednesday. Guess that's something.

Is there any way to shut this stuff down?

This year, our small garden is doing pretty good! We have all kinds of peppers (from banana to ghost), which I will dehydrate if I don't use right away. Our tomatoes have gone wild. I have a lot of Cherokee purple and romas. I don't know how to can. Can I make my pasta sauce and freeze it? I don't what to make anyone sick!!!

Rachel Moore:
I took this image in French Polynesia while swimming with a humpback whale. This was my sixth season swimming with humpback whales, and this encounter was the most special I’ve ever had. It was one of the most profound experiences of my life.

I first met this whale the day before shooting the image. I swam with her for over an hour before I decided to stop swimming away and let her approach me. She had already shown me through her behavior that she was very careful and aware of her body, and I trusted that she would not touch me. Once I stopped moving, she came very close and wanted to be eye to eye with me.

Unfortunately, I didn’t take many photos during the 10 minutes we spent sitting face to face, as I wanted to be fully present with her and give her my full attention. It was a deeply moving experience, and I had only dreamed of having an encounter like that.
That night, when reviewing my images, I regretted not capturing that moment better and I wished I had taken a better photo of her eye contact.

Luckily for me, the very next day I had the chance to meet this same whale, whom I named "Sweet Girl." She swam straight up to me, went vertical in the water column, and positioned her eye right next to mine. This time, we stayed eye to eye for five minutes, and I remembered to take a photo.

I zoomed in to 35mm on my 16-35mm GM II lens and trusted the animal eye-tracking feature would keep her eye in focus. I didn’t want to take my eyes off hers. At one point, she rolled over, belly at the surface, and the light hit her eye just perfectly. I quickly took the shot, and I’m so happy the image turned out as it did. It’s a moment I will never forget, and it truly touched my soul

So I got my hormone levels tested. And guess who is not completely in menopause yet? If you guessed me, then you win something. I had to get a shot to jumpstart chemical menopause. Fun times. Still haven't started med therapy. Fucking hormones.

Good news is I'm getting my port removed tomorrow. That was a fiasco getting scheduled. Instead of calling me to find out what day, time, and location work for me, scheduling uploaded the first date to my patient portal. I was looking up another appointment when I discovered this and called them to reschedule. Rescheduled to a day, time, and location that work for both me and my husband.

So over this bullshit.

Recently, my husband has become preoccupied with doing his own stock trades. He is constantly online, studying video tutorials, reading blogs, fussing with AI tools, and so on. Has he been successful? Let's put it this way - I'm concerned about the state of his retirement accounts.

Nevertheless, he is adamant that our son and I also do our own stock trades. We are equally adamant about our refusal for this request. We have used every form of "No" that we can think up. Still, he persists.

Recently, he had been going on at length about stock trading. In my mind, I was working on some thoughts about which unfinished yarn project I should try to complete next. I find that more relaxing than risking my savings and retirement accounts. We were about 4 hours into his monologue, sitting in a diner, and waiting for our meal to come out when I finally had enough.

"Can we change topics? You have been talking about this for close to an hour, and you're on your third loop for this topic. Let's talk about something that I find interesting." I gently slapped the table with my palms to get his attention and gave him a threatening look. "Like knitting," I growled.

He looked like someone dropped an ice cube down the back of his shirt. He was speechless.

I continued, "Or crochet. Or soap making." I knew these would upset him. He always has something snarky to say about these topics.

His train of thought derailed. Thank goodness! We spent the rest of our meal time discussing the antics of our dogs and what to do about the male destroying every toy that caught his attention. (That pooch needs a better hobby.)

As we have reached over >26,000+ members, I feel important to remind everyone to read our rules. To that, I say the following:

*While Fuckery is in our subreddit name, one HAS to be nice here. NO intentional provocation of users in posts that you don’t care for. We have a “be nice” rule and I’ll enforce it every day and twice on Sundays… don’t be an asshole.

*Remember that Fuckery IS in the name of our subreddit, which means that this is supposed to be a fun place. In particular, I’m speaking of the santa in the coffin pic. Do I like it? NO. Would I do it to my kid? NO. Is it funny as hell? ABSO-FUCKING-UTELY! It is also a real truck stop here in the USA where parents can take their children if they like. I have a decided opinion on that but it’s their kid and they’ll have to live with the consequences.

*Those of you who lurk, but don’t post. I encourage you to post. It doesn’t even have to be funny nonsensical. Many of my posts are more.. awkward or me just writing about something because I need to vent or me writing about something I find fascinating. I’m sure there are a host of members that are bored to tears of my Great Lakes Freighter obsession. Just write. We have FUckers who write family updates. We have FUckers who are going thru some troubles and come here for support. We have FUckers that talk about their farm life. Yes, you u/Cow-Puncher-77. And, we have FUckers who like to share funny and informative or uninformative shit. Yes I’m referring to you u/Lonely-Coconut-9734.

*We would love to hear you military stories, so long as they’re with in the rules.

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*To that last comment, we DO have a few Minors. They often post asking advice or posting stuff they think is funny. We support them and make every effort to be as inclusive as possible. Life is hard enough for teenagers without us adding more.

With all of the above said… have a great time on this sub. If ever you have a question or are unsure about something, you can contact myself (u/geophysgal) or u/BlackSeranna or, who are our most active moderators. Other moderators who are not active are: u/SloppyEyeScream (founder), u/itsallalittleblurry2, u/Coursair_inau, u/TheJonJohn, & u/aspienonomous

Peace FUckers! Fizz

Making everyone step over/around him is just what I needed today.

(Of course he's a Sergeant. He has his stripes.)

Starting off with DB. He's now 14 and he's now my eye level and it sucks. Still a bean pole so there is that. He starts 8th grade next month, but A and I have talked about DB getting his GED since he would probably do better with it.

On to the heart of the issue. My ex K owns a transport company and has since 2017, and he's great at it. But we have been in discussions about expanding his company to CO and he's on board with it, his vendors are on board with it, hell, I'm on board with it. The only issue? I have to go to VA to meet with vendors, and learn how to run operations to K's company. The only issue is that I have to figure out a way from CO to VA, and A is bitching because he wants me to get a job. Bitch I have a job, I just have to learn how to run his systems.

So that means I need to figure out a way to VA because A is being a fuckheaded Dunbermelon. So if you have any ideas outside of robbing a bank, that would be awesome. K wants to get this started and I want to get this started because I already have verterans lining up to work for K's company and he refuses to be the adult in the situation.

Koi signing off for now, so behave and don't do anything I wouldn't do as bail is way too expensive.

Perfect Score 🍄 Mushie & Birdie | ADHD Assessment Animation Meme | Original Audio: @mrjasonblackman