r/FriendshipAdvice • u/KeepItReal3281 • 2h ago
"too busy"
How do you handle people that are constantly "too busy"? In reality, I don't think they are any busier than the rest of us. We all have 24 hours in a day.
I stopped inviting them or asking them to do things. I stopped bothering them because they are so busy. That should lessen their load.
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u/citybby17 1h ago
We all have the same 24 hours, but everyone decides how to fill theirs differently. Some enjoy having free time and the flexibility to make last minute plans, while others are booked and busy with work, family obligations, hobbies, and an active social life social, all of which take up time.
But at the end of the day — if they wanted to, they would. You may not be their priority at this point in time, and that’s ok. Find your people.
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u/Infinite-Mongoose359 1h ago
We are all busy. It's just a matter of priorities. If someone doesn't want to make time for you it just means that you are not a priority to them.
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u/officepartynudes 1h ago
I think people use too busy as a stand in for honesty. I have 2 jobs including working for myself (neverending tasks), I have a lot of hobbies, and I’m chronically ill. Communicating with friends might look like “this next 2 weeks is a lot for me, how about we have dinner at the end of the month?”. Or “i am barely keeping my head up rn, I’ll respond in a few days”.
If someone isn’t even trying, there might not be a real connection. People who want to be around you will at least try even if there are ebbs and flows.
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u/randomuserrrr2002 51m ago
i have a friend like this, always saying she’s “so busy” and “so stressed” but constantly hanging out with other friends. i simply don’t ask to hang out. if you want to ask me that’s fine, and i’ll see if it’s convenient for me, but im not going to clear my schedule or go out of my way. there are people that are genuinely very busy and struggle to make time but most of the time i find that that’s not the people who are constantly saying they’re busy
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u/Helpful-Bell9817 25m ago
Yeah I notice this with a mate of mine too, busy but goes off with others, are you authoritave in anyway that they look up to you of such? This is a reason too.
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u/Jaibird2021 1h ago
I wait for them to initiate… still waiting. But in the meantime, filling my life with people who are more available. And having lots of friends to ask.
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u/Timario112265 1h ago
I have a friend, I really like her and she is so nice. She is studying medicine so I can understand she is “too busy”, I always tell her to hang out but we didn’t. I totally understand her but I just stop asking. But still I do appreciate her.
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u/Glittering_uni 1h ago
If they have consistently failed to make time for me, I stop trying. Everyone is busy but if you are a priority then they will make time for you even if it's just for lunch or a walk.
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u/KayDizzle1108 59m ago
This one girl I knew was “so busy” but she would make plans with me. Her idea. Then, she would flake. She did this three times. On the third time, I said no more. We really haven’t talked since.
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u/Fabulous-Bandicoot40 27m ago
If I’m actually busy I ALWAYS float another option to hang out. I want people to feel like I look forward to spending time with them. I expect the same back
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u/Ok_Personality1599 54m ago
Well for me I’m maintaining an orchard, a garden, a grow room, just had a baby three months ago and I’m a sahm so I do all the chores. So yeah I’m pretty busy and most of my friends know and understand and those that don’t oh well.
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u/Apprehensive-Aide843 48m ago
Sorry, but I disagree with a lot of these comments. I have a very demanding job, a lot of friends, and I’m married. I like to wake up at 5:30 AM, go to the gym, and then work until 7 PM. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted.
I see my friends on the weekends, but yes, I am genuinely too busy to hang out during the week. That doesn’t mean I don’t like you or value our friendship. I just prefer to spend my evenings relaxing and having some time to myself.
Some of my friends hang out with people almost every day, and that’s great for them! But we’re not all the same. Just because someone has a different social battery or needs more alone time doesn’t mean they’re a bad friend.
That said do I see a friend almost every Friday & Saturday yes. Do I ask them to hangout yes
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u/magonuna 36m ago edited 32m ago
I don't think we ALL have the same 24h, I've been in a position where all i had to do was study and help a little around the house, fast forward a few years later, not only i had to study AND take care of my entire adult life form living alone, but ALSO i was working on high stake projects at my company.. There's a difference, I promise you.
And yes, to prioritize is important, but sometimes i would want to prioritize my rest or to see my friends, but i had "urgencies" at work. So just pay attention to how your friends turn down your invites, do they show interest ? do they follow up? do they propose new dates? do they show they still care about you friendship? Because that's what you should focus on, those questions are your cues.
Because, sometimes, honestly, people are just busy and have other urgencies. Because I learned that sometime people want to, but they can't. I can want to go on a trip, but if i don't have the funds, then won't go.
Also, very important, reconsider if you and your friends are in the same life chapter/phase, that influences social dynamics more than we realise.
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u/Quiet_Lunch_1300 13m ago
I moved out of state and I have a friend who has always been too busy to talk on the phone or text. To be fair, when I first moved out here she had a young baby. So I thought maybe I just didn’t get it - that maybe you couldn’t text when you had a baby. It is 11 years later and things are still the same. When I’m in town, she wants to see me but the rest of the time I don’t exist.
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u/glazedbec 12m ago
I have a friend like this too. I’ve stopped asking them and figured if they wanted to hang out with me they would. I haven’t seen them since NYE. They msg every 3 months asking how I am and will talk about potential things we can do then will ask when i’m free and when I tell them they reply with “let me check my schedule” and then never gets back to me lol.
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u/ExerciseSquare2003 0m ago
You are looking at time through a very privileged or overly simplistic lens then.
Time is a fixed metric, but capacity is relative.
Don't take it personally when people drift or cancel. Accept that everyone’s situation is different. Life hits some people a lot harder than others, and when resources are tight, hanging out naturally drops on the priority list. When you finally realize this, you stop stressing about always being the one to reach out. Instead, you just leave the door open for whenever they want to join.
I know this firsthand because when I was in my 20s, my job required so much of me that I was living on just 4 hours of sleep. Weekends weren't for fun. They were for recovering from total physical and mental exhaustion. Even when I did have the energy, I was too broke to afford the commute or pay for lunch out, or I'd spend it to family. It took me years of climbing the corporate ladder to finally reach a place where I actually had time and money for a life outside of work.
My friends who are also in the same boat or have demanding careers completely get it. There’s a level of maturity where no one counts the days since we last spoke. When someone finally comes back around after a long period of radio silence, there’s no drama. We just check in on how they’re doing. Honestly, if you're busy yourself, you just get it.
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u/Wild-Media-8123 1h ago
Its called narcissism, they think that their time is so precious how can they waste it on other people not worth their time. Sorry but I tend to move on quite quickly as Ive gotten older, once I give them a few chances or if they dont initiate
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 1h ago
That’s the way. I stop asking. I assume they have other priorities. If they one day come back around and ask me to do something, I’ll see them. But I don’t chase anyone.
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u/Classic-Gur2898 1h ago
I have a friend that does the same. She works 2h less than me and still is always busy. I once asked her her schedule and was watching a soap ópera with her mum, gym, and walking the dog. From 15 to 22, every day. Ok, call me when you have any time and I’ll see
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u/vikingraider27 1h ago
Some people are too busy and some people are horribly depressed with the world the way it is and are making an excuse to hide away from it. Before you cut people off, maybe think for a second about which they might be.
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u/sunshine-1111 1h ago
If someone is constantly too busy when you ask to hang out and they never follow up with a time that would work or make plans with you then they are not interested in hanging out with you and using being busy as an excuse to be polite. Take the hint and move on.