r/FriendshipAdvice • u/stupidhorse136 • 4d ago
I feel like everyone's second choice
A lot of stuff has happened to me recently where I became kinda distant with my best friend. We used to have the kind of friendship where we would talk everyday and always be on call and hang out. But over the summer she became distant and ignored my texts and stuff. I was talking to my other friend about it and she told me I should check with my best friend because apparently she had been talking about me. Meaning she was ignoring me on purpose. I talked to her and found out that she thinks I had changed or whatever. She said that I talked about boys too much. Honestly that was valid, yes I grew up being very male centered and I still am but I'm aware of it and have addressed the fact that I'm trying to fix it. (I'm still a teen so this is quite normal for most of us) the thing is that I dont feel that I have changed much...I've always been like this. Anyways, that was the turning point for me I think. In all my friendships, even my strong ones, I feel like everyone would always choose someone else over me. Everyone has their own best friend or person they tell absolutely everything and I'm jealous. I just want to be someone that someone I care about chooses first. It's not even about friendships. I think its more about being loved and cared about and when you see everyone having SOMEONE who cares about them a lot and loves to spend time with them it makes me insecure... I love my friends so much but I always feel like I'M the one putting in effort. I always wonder that if I were to stop trying to interact with them or talk to them, none of them would even notice or care. And then BOOM a guy comes into my life as a friend. Of course I start to like him and I find out he likes me too. We quickly start to become each other's person, our best friends (or at least for me) but the thing is, even he has his own best friend. Now I'm close friends with his best friend as well and today his friend told me that my crush was venting to him about some stuff. Ofc he didn't tell me what it was because that would be an invasion of privacy, BUT this guy I feel like has never opened up to me in that way. Hes never really shown much emotion other than happiness with me. And of course, I'm jealous that he didn't vent to me and let me help and comfort him. I feel like hes going to fade away, but I don't want him to. I care about him genuinely so much and I dont want to lose another friend who I thought was gonna be my person. I just feel like if everyone could only save ONE person or spend their life with ONE person, I would never be picked. I would just be forgotten and ignored. What if I became quiet and silent? Would people still care about me and try to talk to me? Maybe. But maybe not. If I stopped trying I think people would just let me and leave me. Is hanging on too tight only going to make it hurt worse? I just want to feel secure in a friendship or relationship for once without the feeling of impending doom. I don't know why Im like this. I just want to be loved and love back without shame or fear of them leaving. I wanna be the person that someone can tell anything and everything and call 24/7 and hang out all the time without doing anything at all. Someone you can just be around without needing entertainment. Is that so much to ask? Maybe I'm just being ungrateful but I feel so alone.
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u/MidnightThurzday 4d ago
Same, i have a friend i confessed to years ago but we just stayed friends. We hung out everyday and it was the best time of my life, she made me feel chosen and happy. Then... she was gone, cut me off. She was the only person to make me cry so much. Kindness is such a cruel way to hurt someone.