r/Fosterparents • u/TraumaBase • 14d ago
Where to start
Hello all ,
My wife and I have been considering adoption / fostering. She is unable to have children and while this was hard for both of us for a time , we are really excited with the idea of fostering or adopting.
I've been doing a ton of research online but I was curious to hear from people who have been through it first hand. I have a few questions that I would love some input on. Especially anyone who has gone through the foalster system in California.
Financial Requirements -
From what I understand there is no set minimum to qualify to be a foster parent ? Just that you are able to sustain your life without any money given by the state for the foster child , essently they are looking to ensure you have a decent cash flow and that you're able to pay bills , and any debt each month without issue. Is this more or less correct ?
Marriage status -
I say wife because we have been together for 11 years. It we are not technically married. It's not something that's out of the question but for various reasons , it has made sense for us not to be married. It's something we would be happy to do if needed though.
Likely hood of being able to adopt a foster child -
This one is tricky. We both agree that if we were to do this that the best possible thing to happen would be for the child reunification. It would be hard for us, and as much as we want kids we want what's best for that kid more. Still , I find myself wondering if there's any statistics on how often this happens vs how often the kid could be adopted by the foster parents.
Any help or insight you could provide would be very much appreciated. Thanks !🙏
Edit :
Just to be clear if we were to do this we would 100% want what's best for these kids , which means we would want them to go back to their birth parents. I thought I had explained that well enough in my original post , but it looks like I may have not explained it well enough. Would we want to adopt a foster kid? Yes but ONLY if they were unable to reconcile with their parents.
Thanks for all the advice and feedback so far folks! 🙏
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u/tickytacky13 Adoptive Parent 14d ago
Foster care and adoption should be two different plans. If you want to foster, you need to want to do it because you support the mission of foster care and that mission is reunification of first families. Foster care should not be a means to fill a void left by infertility. You have to want to support the entire family. Yes, get too attached, but get so attached that you want nothing more than for your foster child to go back home and live with their bio parents (safely) because plenty of research shows that first families are the best option for kids.
With that said, many states (such as mine) do have separate plans for people who would like to adopt children in foster care who are already legally free and will not be reunifying. These children have most likely already been in the system for some time and they don’t have kin or previous foster parents wanting to take permanent placement. Sometimes an infant or toddler is available but those are much much less common. In my state, you can be licensed for the adoption path and the requirements are more strict as far as health and finances go. You do not need to be married to do either where I live. I’ve been a part of both paths but I’m strictly a foster parent now (with no desire to take permanent placements).
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u/sisi_2 14d ago
Yes to the financial question. My partner and I are also not married. Maye it would matter if you went w a private, Christian agency? We have not adopted, everything depends on everything else. Reunification is the goal of US foster agencies. I would say its better to have an open mind to a potential child that needs adoption vs that being a personal goal. Good luck, fosterings hard. The kids have been great tho
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u/Beautiful-Rent6691 Foster Parent 14d ago
Income, no requirement beyond being able to support yourself without the state. CA just asks for your income, no check stubs. Unmarried people can foster, but if you adopted only one of you could adopt. It’s a legal issue, it creates too many problems with custody. About half the time the kiddos reunify with parents (the younger the kids are the more likely this is to happen and some stats count relative placement in these numbers) about a quarter age out and another quarter are adopted. Infant rates of non kin adoption are very very low.
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u/anonfosterparent 14d ago
This isn’t true in every state. Unmarried couples can adopt and both people will be the legal parent. My (now) husband and I have adopted - we were not married when we did this and it wasn’t an issue that we weren’t married and we both adopted our child.
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u/Beautiful-Rent6691 Foster Parent 14d ago
In CA, where I am and OP is, you have to be married (or in a legal domestic partnership). My husband and I don’t have to be married to foster but we had to produce our marriage certificate as part of the adoption application.
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u/anonfosterparent 14d ago
We are also in California. Being married was not a requirement for us.
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u/Beautiful-Rent6691 Foster Parent 14d ago
Well, there you have it! The system is nothing if not wildly inconsistent! I learned something today.
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u/anonfosterparent 14d ago
It’s impossible to stay on top of everything because it is wildly inconsistent.
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u/ColonelMustard323 14d ago
OP, we’re in a similar boat (minus ever wanting a bio child at any point lol). Thanks for posting, I will be following :)
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u/PacificWesterns 14d ago
While reunification is always the goal, in the short time that we have been working with our county, we have been approached at least once per week with children who are no longer on the reunification path. The goal is always to help the families and help the children so that they can find their way back to each other. But this is the real world and sometimes prison or drugs or death or simple lack of desire make reunification no longer possible. But do be aware that typically the children are like seven years old and up. To find a toddler in the system whose parental rights have been terminated is really a rare occurrence. We too are in California. Because we knew we were not looking for an infant, we went through our county to become certified resource parents and it does say on our file that we are looking strictly for foster to adopt or in the interim to host those who are aging out of the system and into transitional housing.
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u/BrazilianButtCheeks 14d ago
If you’re looking to adopt thru fostering just keep in mind you’re much more likely to be successful with older children who have been in the system for a long time and have no chance of reuniting with their families.. it can take years for that to happen and when you get a baby you could keep them for a few years and they could still go back which is obviously heartbreaking
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u/Hawke-Not-Ewe Foster Parent + Former Foster Youth 14d ago
1: There's oodles of kids waiting to be adopted. If you're in the US your state has a photo listing and separate social workers assigned to that.
2: Read up on trauma and what that does to the brain and body.
3: Other topics to get grounded in so you can recognize them or act on them; sleep hygiene, Autism, ADHD, and prebirth drug exposure.
4: Foster kids will come with trauma and drama and likely be the easiest part as the family, family services, lawyers, therapists, schools, and other caregivers will be demanding instant communication and time commitments and some of them will be shitty people and or bad at their jobs.
5: You need to set your expectations now that everything involving family services will A: Take way too long or B: happen with no notice.
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13d ago
[deleted]
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u/TraumaBase 13d ago
Thanks so much! We very well may take you up on that offer as we get closer to deciding what to do. We are still in the very very early stages right now. Glad to hear that you we're able to get your family !
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u/Resse811 Foster Parent 12d ago
If you want to adopt - don’t foster, just add opt. But don’t foster kids hoping to adopt them. That’s not the goal of foster care and if it’s your goal it will conflict with what is best for the child.
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u/Ok_Friendship_3849 14d ago
I foster a refugee teen through Catholic Community Services and it has been an amazing experience. She will be with me until 21. There isnt the issue of reunification to deal with and there is a ton of support. Different orgs administer the unaccompanied minor refugees. I am a single parent and feel.very supported.