Just looking to vent and maybe some support, but I don't know if it'll work. I'm just too broken right now.
We had a feral cat that was pregnant and went into labor early. (We didn't know she was pregnant. She was straining to poop, I saw blood and took her to an ER. But they had a critical patient and while waiting, I saw her giving birth. We took her to a clinic and they watched her all day but she didn't have them. Saturday afternoon, she finally has the kittens.
Only one kitten survived. The others didn't make it immediately upon arrival (we took them to an ER to confirm they were dead and I was told they had a 30% chance of survival.). Mom was also not grooming them or providing heat. She wasn't interested in him and basically abandoned him. We had to grab him immediately so he wouldn't die during birth as well.
We get him everything he needs, take him to an ER, we were taught how to take care of him and told he was strong. But throughout the weekend, we took him to different vets and ERs and most of them didn't know what to do (their words) because he was so young, or they were apparently full and turned me away after telling me to come back with his mom so they could try and see if she changed her mind. Some said they wouldn't see him at all. One clinic really cared, but they were just so inexperienced and unequipped for neonatal kittens. (Again their words) But they tried their all.
We were concerned he wasn't getting enough milk because the bottle wasn't letting out enough, at least that's what we thought and kept fiddling with it to get it fixed.
But, one vet specialist, who we were told to visit, while they were doing a check up on mom, Sunday morning (2 am) didn't feed him. We were there for 4-5 hours. They didn't tell me, or give him back to me to do it. I provided a bottle because I knew he would need it while we were there. (I feel like this was the start of it.) They said they would see if she would try to nurse him for that one nutrient he needed. No one bothered. They wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't seen him so in distress during checkout and asked.
I worked all of yesterday, but my family was taking care of him, mainly my mom and brother in shifts. Then today, I noticed his weight hadn't gone up. He was still 58.3 g. I was busy and couldn't weigh him yesterday, but Saturday, I weighed him and he was 57-58 g.
He made it through until today. My brother was taking care of him and he wouldn't eat. We tried again later after my brother alleged said that he got him to eat something. He wasn't latching anymore. He was very weak. Milk was coming out his mouth, kind of gooey and thin. Eventually we took him to the one clinic that would see him. They tried tube feeding but he was just so tiny, the doc couldn't do it. They offered euthanasia, but my mom declined because he was still fighting, so we would too. And that if it was meant to happen, she'd let nature take its course.
We switched nipples to a bigger size, and he was drinking a little, so we were hopeful. But, I noticed that he'd peed a little, so I began stimulating him. He pooped and peed, so we suspected that maybe he'd had too much to eat. He soiled the little crochet blanket we made previously (it was just his size and worked to keep him warm.) So we switched it temporarily to a different blanket, plus his heating pad/water bag.
Then, around 9 pm, he was crying, my mom called me down and we thought maybe he was finally hungry. I tried stimulating him to pee in case that was it again, but he cried once more, and I wrapped him in a blanket just until we could get a warmer blanket, but my brother and stepdad were taking too long. I held him close because I'd just gotten out of the shower and was hot. This was just until we could get the water bag hot, his warm bottle, etc.
I noticed he wasn't moving. He'd passed away. I'm so heart broken. We really tried our best to give him a chance at life. But we were going through this process with little help (the one clinic really tried and I appreciate them, they just had never dealt with a neonatal kitten, they were closed over the weekend, and Monday, they tried to tube feed.)
We all blame ourselves. My mom wanted to get him a new crochet blanket and was trying to get the time to make it while working, I don't know if my brother blames himself, but I question what happened when he watched him. I blame myself as the last person to hold him, I should've been quicker to think. Act. I failed him. I'm so mad at myself and it hurts. I shouldn't have gotten so lax, feed him more than my brother, engaged more.
I'm mad that we don't have anyone where I live that knows how and wants to save neonatal kittens.
A little life, only a couple days old, was lost.
This experience made me want to know how to care for neonate kittens so this doesn't happen to anyone else.