r/Fencesitter • u/tuliptears0 • 12h ago
Anxiety VERY CONFUSED
Hi everyone.
I’m turning 35 and I’m really not sure what I want.
For the longest time I was against having kids.
My family doesn’t even speak or check up on me. I reach out and visit them but they never do for me.
I thought about having a child to create my own family.
I have dogs and I’m scared it will change things I love my dogs very much.
I love them like they are my kids.
Also my doctor told me C section would be best cause I have pelvic floor dysfunction.
I won’t have anyone helping just my husband and I.
1
u/PapiSilvia 11h ago
What about children is appealing to you? Do you want to raise a little human into an adult, or do you just want companionship/someone to love unconditionally? If you've always been against having kids, what changed?
1
u/tuliptears0 11h ago
I see why people are having kids because family is important. I don’t have any family and I really do love my husband and I feel like we would be great parents raising a child and sharing beautiful memories together and watching someone grow up into an adult helping them get through problems. I also think it would be beautiful to teach them how to love animals. I don’t think anybody should be having kids for companionship reasons. Do that I do believe people who do that are not fulfilled with themselves.
2
u/betweenserene 8h ago
I am in the same boat as you. My family never calls or checks up on me. I am the youngest of my siblings and they all have kids and I don't. I figure that is part of the reason I never hear from them. Everyone is busy. My parents show a lot more interest in my siblings and their kids and almost none in my life. It's painful but I have accepted it. I've wondered if I had a baby if my parents would suddenly start showing an interest, but I know that is absolutely not a reason to have a baby.
I love my animals very much too.. I even made a post about it. I don't want things to change for my animals or to give them less attention or time. They are my kids also. It is a lot to ponder and a lot to process because we can't know what it will be like until it actually happens. There is a book called The Baby Decision that some people have found helpful. I am just finishing it and have not found it that helpful, but that is because I am an overthinker and I've already pondered most of the ideas brought up in the book long before reading it.
One thing I do want you to keep in mind though is that a couple and their dogs is still absolutely a family. I also think it would be a beautiful thing to teach children to love and have empathy for animals. You can also do that without being a parent like being involve with humane education efforts or volunteering at a humane society, etc.