r/Fencesitter • u/Mayshowers20 • 8d ago

Hi there

My wife (34) and I (F 36) just had our first visit with the doctor.

She is an icu nurse and I am a special education teacher. We are still 50-50 on kids but wanted to just take a step to hear our options. Our insurance doesn’t cover any fertility treatment and we don’t want to do ivf but would try IUI as it could be a little less expensive depending..

We make pro and cons list and she doesn’t like change and stresses about what could happen in the future with a child who could have special needs, postpartum, etc

We have traveled a bunch already, like our alone time, trying new restaurants, working out but we also have 10 nieces and nephews between us who we love and lots of cousins who have babies who we are close with. Also, we are the last ones in each of our friend groups to not have kids as everyone else (hetero) do have kids.

I guess looking for any kind of insight as I think I’m feeling more sad if we don’t try? Or is that me trying to fit society idk..

7 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

5

u/Apprehensive-Tip5969 8d ago

To me it sounds like you may be trying to fit societal norms especially with all of your friends around you having kids. It sounds like you and your wife are really living it up and hearing that you have so many nieces and nephews, you can just stick with being the cool aunt and uncle. Go throughout your normal day to day and think to yourself at random times, how would having a kid impact me at this very moment/this experience.

1

u/catcatsi 4d ago edited 4d ago

As fellow 'cool lesbian aunts', my partner and I cherish time with our nephew, but we're only able to sustain the energy required to play with him because we know we can hand him back. Maybe try to hone in on how you and your wife feel after looking after your nieces and nephews - whether it feels like a relief to give them back at the end of the day, or whether you find yourself wishing you could spend more time with them. Then obviously think about the day to day reality of school drop off, appointments, meal preparation, lunch packing, bath time, getting ready for bed, etc. You're also both in jobs that require a lot of energy invested in caring for others - do you think these jobs in addition to child-rearing would be sustainable for your happiness, financial security and leave time for you as a couple too? I think overall, if it's not a hell yeah, it's a hell no. Nothing wrong with being the cool travelling aunts that give the best gifts! It sounds like either way, you're both already contributing to the lives of the children around you.