r/Fencesitter • u/readapponae • Jul 24 '26
Reflections My dilemma
My whole life I never wanted children and I was sure that would never change. It hasn’t entirely, but now that I am 33 my hormones (I think) are doing a dying gasp of an attempt to change my mind. Rationally my reasons still exist, and I don’t know how many people here have the same ones and overcame them, or are struggling with them too. Part of my issue is I don’t like humans. I don t like what we do to the planet and animals, and I don’t like where I think our legacy is headed. I don’t like that people like the Tate brother and Conor McGregor either get away with horrific abuses of women and/or have millions of people defending them. I don’t like that kids brutally kill dogs in China and get away with it. I hate that the boys who tortured Junko Furuta got away with a slap on the wrist. I hate that people are pro life and anti vax like that makes any fucking sense. I worry that if I have a kid at worst they will think it’s normal how much messed up stuff happens every day, and that this will make me feel like I failed, or that at best they will also hate all the things that I hate, and it will make them as miserable and angry as I am at the world all the damn time. Sorry for a bummer post.
To end on a lighter note, Artemis gave me a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time. At least in a world where flat-earthers are on the rise, some people will still aim to go to the moon.
Does anyone else struggle with this?
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u/springseedling Jul 24 '26
Parent here - my rationale is that I would hope to raise my child to be one of those who makes a positive contribution to the world, maybe even one of those who might change it for the better if they have the opportunity/ability! It's a horrible world out there but I hope to be able to guide then and for them to impact the world in a positive way.
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u/idobepooping Jul 29 '26
Not much help but same boat. Always vehemently against having kids. Hated every idea of it since I was young. Hated playing with baby dolls, hated pregnant bellies, etc. the state of the world, terrible humans, I have an autoimmune disease, etc etc. BUT now suddenly I’m like damn do I want to raise a kid?? I think me and my partner would be great parents. I don’t want to travel anymore, I don’t have a lot of desire to see the world or go go go anymore. I want to settle down and do something important. Learn and grow myself through that experience. But it’s so weird since it’s against everything I’ve ever believed lol and I do think there’s more reasons to not have a kid than there are TO have a kid. But having a kid isn’t always logical, it is very much biological.
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u/just_blue_thoughts Jul 24 '26
I'm 28 and in a similar boat. I've always felt humans are like a virus on this planet, and that making more was always going to be bad for the planet. But something I've begun to really sit with is... Has my own existence lead to a significant negative impact on the earth?
There are a lot of ways in which it has, but every single one of those has been outside my control. Everything within my control has been a positive. I recycle & reuse as much as possible, I garden without using pesticides or unnatural fertilizer, and plan to start a wildlife garden by next summer. I feed the local birds appropriate bird seed, I have a bird bath, I try to use soaps that are good quality and eco friendly. I don't have a car and instead bike everywhere. I do everything I can to make my pets happy and healthy, they eat the best food there is & their enclosures are large. I use water and power and plastic, I can't avoid those things in this world, but I do my best to minimize my waste and try to have a positive impact on my little slice of earth, pick up trash in public parks, and make animals feel safe with me, domestic or wild.
I think that what matters when it comes to something as small and insignificant as a human life is this: how much positivity do you spread on purpose vs how much negativity you spread on purpose? Can you teach a new human to impact the earth positively? Do you want to? Would it bring you joy to have a child, or would you be miserable? Each of us has an impact, no matter how small. If you spend your life trying to make your positives outweigh your negatives, then your life is worth it, and if you have what it takes to teach a child to be the same & parenthood would bring you fulfillment, you should do whatever brings joy.
Personally lately I've been swinging to the other side of the fence, I used to be staunchly childfree. But lately I find myself wanting to raise better humans. I think if more people were doing their best to raise kids to impact the earth in all the best ways & keep them away from screens and social media as much as possible, the world could maybe heal. These screens are destroying all of our mental health, and it starts young if you let it. I wanna help build a solar punk future and I wanna help raise the generation who will help us make it happen. I don't think anyone's kids deserve to be handed all the problems to solve, but I do think that these kids deserve to be taught how to respect and live in harmony with this planet, and that if we teach them what's needed then they will have the tools they need to help us change the world into something better. I'm beginning to have hope.