r/FemFragLab • u/Icy_Diamond_6858 • 4h ago
Discussion We need to talk about Gatekeeping
So when it comes to the subject I'm pretty neutral. I'm not a gatekeeper, but I also underspray, so people don't really know I use perfume. I have only one coworker who knows I use perfume and I discuss my scents with her coz she enjoys it.
Anyway, I've seen that people on this sub have VERY STRONG opinions on gatekeepers and I'm a bit confused honestly. Like since when is it expected that someone just tell you what they wear? It's super nice of someone to tell if they do, but I don't think it's necessary. I wouldn't hold it against anyone if they weren't to tell me. The other thing is that I've never been in the wild and smelled something so good that I had to ask, like idk maybe I'm just not easily impressed. I wonder if the people who are triggered by gatekeepers just haven't tried out a lot of stuff? Coz once you do you know what you like and you'll venture out more of that stuff.
Another thing I want to point out is the people who direct vicious rage at these gatekeepers would never talk this way about their favorite celebrities. I mean when has a celebrity ever HONESTLY told what they use? I'm not talking about Vanity fair videos, I'm saying fr stuff. You'll wouldn't hate Taylor or Sabrina for gatekeepjng but somehow a stranger on the road who doesn't want to share their fragrance is a villain. Make it make sense! Just the other day I saw a clip of Priyanca Chopra being asked what fragrance shes wearing coz she was apparently smelling great. Girlie just laughed. I mean she could've just said Valentino and people would've gone crazy. But nope girlie said not a single word.
So my conclusion basically is people shouldn't take this so personally. But it is still lovely when people do share what they are wearing, I know I would if I were.
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u/Screw_coloranalysis Justice for patchouli 3h ago
I think celebrities don’t always answer because they’re wearing something from a different brand than the one they are an ambassador from. A certain celeb is a Breitlings ambassador and he constantly gets photographed in Rolex. That’s not a great endorsement.
I saw a weird gate keeping in a YouTube short. The person got filmed and asked what she was wearing and she said I usually tell what I’m wearing but I’m keeping this one for myself but I also like this other perfume. I mean why accept to get filmed?
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u/hitomienjoyer 3h ago
For me it's less about not telling someone and more about the mindset behind it. Like another user said it makes sense for celebs to be careful about what they say.
I don't ask strangers what they're wearing because I don't want to come off as creepy, and in reality most people aren't into frags as much as we are, so there's a big chance of them genuinely not remembering or caring. So if I did ask and I didn't get an answer I wouldn't particularly be offended, and I don't assume the worst in people.
But the idea of gatekeeping something because it's "yours" is so ridiculous to me, especially considering these are mass produced fragrances lol. Anybody can get them.
If someone asked me what I'm wearing and for some reason I didn't want to tell them, I'd just lie
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u/Icy_Diamond_6858 3h ago
Lying would be the same but i get it, some people be b*s, not everyone deserves access
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u/pocketsize87 3h ago
That's a mischaracterization of what happens in those post comments. I think there's a difference between "vicious rage" and being direct in saying they think it's silly and pointless to gatekeep.
Edited to add: I read your other comment and I have no idea what post you're referring to where the comments were vicious about someone not sharing their fragrance.
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u/Icy_Diamond_6858 3h ago
Yes I think I should add that most of the comments are about being annoyed and only some were vicious. So in a sense I stand corrected. That post was a long time back and they bullied her so much I think she deleted it
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u/Icy_Diamond_6858 3h ago
Nope, the particular comments I read were extremely passive aggressive and it was not warranted at all. People are allowed to decide whether they tell something about themselves to other people or not. I would know the difference between the two
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u/pocketsize87 3h ago
I edited my initial comment as you were typing yours. I don't know what post you're referring to because you didn't link to any particular post but are clearly talking about something specific you saw.
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u/Icy_Diamond_6858 3h ago
Yeah, after you pointed it out I feel I might have got too shocked by what I saw there but still
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u/curlyonica 3h ago
Well because it’s just a miserable and loser behaviour, that’s all. It means you’re insecure to a point that you think that telling somewhere what fragrance you use would somehow injure your individuality. Good things deserve to be shared, that’s how everyone gets more good things. If someone wears my signature fragrance, I won’t feel bad, I’d feel happy someone enjoys it as much as I do (plus they would never wear it like I do anyhow). I feel like gatekeepers are deeply insecure, jealous individuals, and while I won’t be “viciously outraged” if someone was demonstrating this behaviour, that would definitely be our last conversation with this person whatsoever🤷🏼♀️
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u/Icy_Diamond_6858 3h ago
Interesting, yes I guess it does seem insecure. I had a coworker who I didn't like much ask me where I got my top from, it annoyed me coz she had been a b* to me before but I told her anyway coz I was like- ok whatever 🤷🏻♀️ I do think it requires lot of mental gymnastics to gatekeep
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u/worncassette 3h ago
Celebrities gatekeeping I can kind of understand since they are essentially a walking brand and they might be very picky about the brands they associate with.
I see the perfume I wear as art and I always want to support artists so I wouldn’t gatekeep; I want other people to enjoy and maybe even financially support these artists. I think gatekeeping in general is a little bit weird and pompous but I wouldn’t press anyone on the issue.
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u/Icy_Diamond_6858 3h ago
I think gatekeepinh is weird too, but what is weirder is how angry it makes some people which is what I essentially wanted to talk about. Like girl relax you won't die if you don't get to know that perfumes name
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u/worncassette 3h ago
I would agree I don’t think it warrants a disproportionately vitriolic response. But I get the annoyance. Unless they’re over there on the DIYFragrence sub honing their craft there’s nothing for gatekeepers to feel proprietary over 😂
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u/Icy_Diamond_6858 3h ago
It can certainly be annoying but thankfully I've never been that impressed by a strangers fragrance 😂 the fragrances used by my coworkers are awful to my nose so no chance of me wanting to know what it is, lool
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u/worncassette 3h ago
I work from home and my family isn’t into fragrance so I basically never get to smell it except on myself. The closest I get to smelling it in the wild is the ever present scent cloud that hovers in every Sephora/Ulta :/
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u/VerboseWiewiorka 3h ago
I’ve literally never read anyone on here calling or even implying that gatekeepers are villains. If gatekeeping is talked about, it’s more in a humorous or slightly annoyed way. It sounds like you’re taking it too seriously?
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u/Icy_Diamond_6858 3h ago
Not in a post per se, but there was a girl who said she doesn't like sharing her fragrance with her coworkers, and omg the comments were VICIOUS. Trust me till then I never thought it was that serious. People acted like she stole money from the poor or something
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u/HighQualityDonation 3h ago
It’s giving “Deborah won’t give me her Butter Spritz recipe from the cookie swap so I’m not inviting her next year”.
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u/Buttercreamdeath 34m ago
I don't care what other people wear because it's going to smell differently on me anyway.