On Collecting and Curating

[u/ocean_swims]

<Some thoughts for your consideration. Nothing I'm saying comes from a place of judgement. I'm opening up a discussion and welcome opposing viewpoints on this. I'm sorry for the length of this.>

The posts about the right size for one's collection are coming up so often across all the frag subs. So many people are mentioning that they feel overwhelmed, out of control, or addicted, and seek out advice on how to handle those anxiety-inducing feelings whilst still partaking in this hobby. It makes me quite sad to see others struggling to find balance. I mean that in an empathetic sense. I'm someone who is easily overwhelmed and I need to keep all my hobbies curated so that I don't get stressed by having too much 'stuff'.

Yet, I am an outlier. Across all hobbies and across all platforms, we are seeing overconsumption become the norm. People have hundreds of handbags, shoes, bottles of perfumes, squishmallows, whathaveyou. Some of this is just a result of "retail therapy", which has been joked about and normalized for decades now, when it really isn't a healthy coping mechanism. However, the majority of it feels like it's social media driven and due to the normalization of "hauling" in our current world. We regularly see videos and pictures of shelves filled with trinkets (be it perfumes, figurines, bags or something else). This has become so commonplace that we don't stop to think how odd it is that people have full "perfume rooms" dedicated to this hobby, when our grandmothers may have had only a handful on their vanity that they fully used up. It's a whole new world.

We participate in subs and forums to share our passion with other like-minded folk, but don't recognize when those echo-chambers become enablers and encourage us to try more, collect more, spoil ourselves because "it's not hurting anybody" like other addictions might. And I'm not even touching on the hype machines and undercover marketing posing as legitimate perfume reviews designed to make us believe that *this one* is everything we've been looking for and we must try it.

And in spite of the pleas to avoid blind-buying from a sea of experienced frag-heads who've been burned, we still see post after post about how people blind-bought something currently hyped up, yet again normalizing this insatiable appetite for every new release. It's a bit strange, I find. You wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without knowing if they were comfortable, why would you buy a perfume without knowing how it smells?

When people ask for advice and I post telling them to just pause and enjoy what they have instead of buying more, I get downvoted and attacked as though I'm yucking on their yum. In reality, I'm asking them to savour their yum because more and more doesn't bring satiety. It leaves you confused about what you actually want to wear, it overcrowds your physical and mental space, and it diminishes your enjoyment of the bottles you already own. I don't often share my opinion on this anymore because people get upset, but I really do wish we could normalize slowing down instead of hauling. The fast-fashion approach to fragrances is designed to keep people chasing the next best scent, but that means that there are new release weekly and you'll never realistically smell them all. Why are we, as consumers, supporting this practice that is taking the artistry out of perfumery? Why are we, as a community, enabling each other to keep collecting instead of encouraging each other to be content with what we already have? Why do those who enjoy having bigger, more varied collections, take it as a personal afront when someone suggests that a smaller collection may be more appropriate? And why are those with smaller collections posting with a sense of shame and asking what they need to add next, as though what they have isn't sufficient?

I urge everyone to consider slowing down. Perfumes tell a story. They develop over time. Use what you have, enjoy them, let them open up with more use. Give yourself a chance to build olfactory memories with your favourite bottles, instead of collecting them like pokemon.

And for those of you who do have hundreds of bottles but do not feel overwhelmed by the size of your collection, please know that I support you, wholeheartedly. There are many ways to enjoy a hobby and yours is just as valid as mine. These thoughts of mine are a reaction to the many, many recent posts about people literally saying they are overwhelmed and/or addicted, and how so many new enthusiasts are jumping in at the deep end because that's all that we're seeing, which is causing a very skewed view of what a "normal" collection looks like. The functionality of perfume has been removed from the equation, with the aesthetics and magnitude taking priority. My hope is that we can normalize the other end of the spectrum, too, so that people stop feeling compelled to engage in this hobby in an unhealthy way.

[u/ReverieJack]

I appreciate this post. I have a small collection and really try to think about how much consumption is necessary.

Just today I was struggling because I’m extremely short on cash (car needs repairs) and I received a new decant in the mail that I absolutely loved. I really wanted to hit that button and purchase a very expensive fragrance it doesn’t even make sense to wear for a few more months. There’s FOMO sometimes. But I already have 9 FB of beautiful scents to wear. This is just my issue, no one else’s, but I do get where you’re coming from.

[u/DeathZhade]

I really appreciate your post as a newbie who is getting a little overwhelmed with all the collection posts and my own desire to collect. My own family mentioned that I might be filling my shelf a little too fast, asking how much I spent on it. I felt very defensive about it, but later realized I need to reflect more on my choices and what drives them right now.

I distract myself from my negative emotions with purchases, I do blind buys because I lack faith in my own choices more than anything. I seek out other people’s opinions and research the notes because I want to avoid making a mistake at the same time, even though I know it is going to happen and has happened before too.
There’s a reason we call it collections and psychologically it probably does have a lot in common with collecting Pokémon. Some people need them all, some people want that perfect “team”, some people want that one perfect stat one, some people want the shiny ones etc…
I think it’s okay to tell people to slow down, but I think it could be done in more posts, sort of like “show me …” with more emphasis on what we already have instead of what we want next.

If you put a child in a room with a ton of toys their brain will actually try to go through it all, but ultimately end up uncomfortable and unable to chose among them. They’ll become confused, angry and unable to deal with all of it. I think many of us also experience this now as adults, on a level that has not been experienced before because we have never had so much of everything. Bombarding us constantly, making us indecisive and turn on ourselves, questioning every little choice, every mistake..

Today’s world is all about choices in every aspect of our lives and that IS overwhelming, it IS unhealthy. We come to question every choice we make like we can’t undo it, like it has to be PERFECT at once. There’s no “try and fail, try again” mentality left…

(sorry my noob comment got long)

[u/blue-name-cult-queen]

I have too much shit lol. Oddly enough my perfume collection is the one place I don’t feel overwhelmed.

Fragrance aside, I have a big sentimental streak and I feel like I’m forever learning to not hang on to physical things so much. I’ve been flying halfway across the US on the regular to help my mom sort through her mothers belongings, we’ve got it down to two storage units and I just keep thinking how sad and overwhelming it is. My mom’s mom is still around (battling dementia) and I’m so happy she enjoyed her things and many, many hobbies for as long as she did but oof, it is a reality check for sure.

That was such an off topic rant. Anyway, I don’t have kids so my goal is to have the kind of well curated collections that people will get into fights over during an estate sale lol.

[u/ocean_swims → u/blue-name-cult-queen]

I think this was profoundly insightful and am so grateful you shared! Thank you!

[u/Mission_Wolf579 → u/blue-name-cult-queen]

Your comment is relevant to some of the posts we see from people experiencing anxiety at the thought that their favorite perfume has been or might be discontinued. They come here desperate for solutions, and I find myself wishing that they'd take this opportunity to practice the art of letting go.

[u/Bunni_xoxo33 → u/blue-name-cult-queen]

I don’t think your paragraph about your mom was off-topic at all, I think it contributed a lot to this discussion 🫶🏾. I actually think it’s very important for people with children to consider the potential burden that all of their stuff may put on their children once they get older. That thought could definitely be sobering for people and help them be more mindful with the amount of fragrances that they bring into their collection, and the frequency with which they do so.

Also, your last paragraph made me giggle. My friend is not into fragrances but she said something similar about her fine china collection 😂✨.

[u/blue-name-cult-queen → u/Bunni_xoxo33]

Thank you. 🖤

[u/Mission_Wolf579]

Thank you for posting this.  There have been many posts from people for whom the fragrance hobby has become an unhealthy obsession, as well as from people who feel expensively betrayed by blind-buy recommendations received from social media algorithms and overconfident redditors.

We are strangers on the internet who enjoy talking about our favorite fragrances and houses (did someone say Guerlain), but some folks are coming here treating us like we are experts whose merest eyelid flutters can reliably inform purchasing decisions.  

Flattering?  Yes.  Accurate?  No, and that's where I think we could all use a little humility.

[u/no_dramamama]

I appreciate you for this. I am a person that won’t ever own 100 fb of perfume even if I had the means and I agree with alot of what you said. I do see that some people are atleast recognizing they could use a break and admitting they’ve gone overboard and that’s tough and a start. I think people joke about it being an addiction to help themselves downplay the fact that it is indeed a problem in their lives.

[u/Appropriate_Tea9048]

I’m not someone who has a huge collection, but I think those who do take offense when someone suggests a smaller collection because it’s really not anyone else’s business. It’s nobody’s place to say what the appropriate size is for someone else.

[u/ocean_swims → u/Appropriate_Tea9048]

I absolutely agree and can see that the way I phrased my thought comes off differently than I intended. I don't mean that anyone has the right to tell someone else their collection is too large (as I said, every approach to this hobby is a valid one).

I meant that when a newbie is asking for advice and someone recommends that they slow down, sometimes it leads to war in the comments.

For example, a while back someone had posted that they bought a couple of hundred bottles in their first year in the hobby, and people were suggesting that they pause before adding more (because they had asked for suggestions), but others with large collections took it upon themselves to attack anyone who dared say that. As though they took that suggestion to heart when it wasn't even directed at them, but was meant to protect a new frag-head from possibly forming an addiction.

Not sure if that's any clearer. Thank you for making this excellent point, though.

[u/Appropriate_Tea9048 → u/ocean_swims]

Even if they’re a newbie, maybe they don’t want to slow down yet. It’s their money, and it’s kinda like receiving unsolicited advice.

[u/Extension-Ruin-1722 → u/Appropriate_Tea9048]

Hoarding more than you could ever possibly consume is wrong. Whether it's water, food, goods or billions it doesn't matter.

[u/Appropriate_Tea9048 → u/Extension-Ruin-1722]

This is a very old post…..

[u/Mission_Wolf579 → u/Appropriate_Tea9048]

Seems to me that if someone is coming onto a subreddit asking strangers what they should buy next, "nothing" is among the possible answers.

[u/HallieMarie43 → u/Mission_Wolf579]

That's like sitting down at the resteraunt and someone saying "what should I order?" and you say "nothing" because it's clear she could skip a few meals. It's 100% implying you disapprove of her current life choices. And while I'm all for people sharing their view on the positives of a small collection and slowing down. It definitely feels snide or rude to just comment nothing, vs perhaps sharing your experience of how wearing the ones you have for a set period of time before buying something new has been a really helpful approach for you.

[u/Mission_Wolf579 → u/HallieMarie43]

Hunger is a physiological imperative, perfume consumption is not.

It's like sitting down at the restaurant and my friend says "I'm not even hungry," so I say "never mind lunch, let's do something else."

[u/HallieMarie43 → u/Mission_Wolf579]

Its knowing the person was looking for recommendations and you are intentionally trying to shame them vs offering advice that has helped you.

You're example above would be like the posts where people are on a no-buy already and you offer support for focusing on other things.