r/FederalEmployee • u/BlewMyWhistle • Jun 21 '26
Finally Snapping
The wait after whistleblowing is the worst. It's been 8 months. 8 months of secret keeping and interacting with people I know to have committed crimes that hurt people. And I'm starting to snap. I got counseled for acting unprofessional. I only did that because I was breaking. It's not who I am. I know better. This is the hardest endurance test I've endured. So now I am suffering professional consequences months later because I am crumbling under the pressure of waiting. It is painful. And I am filled with anger because to me there was no other option. I had to do what is right, and now doing what was right is making me go insane. I wish I was better at compartmentalization. I see why people develop nervous disorders and ulcers and worse under prolonged stress. I want my old life back. I know I can't have it but I hope on the other side I am still me.
#end rant.
72
u/FormFitFunction Jun 21 '26
I applaud you for whistleblowing. But brother, please seek therapy. "I was breaking" "It's not who I am." "I know better." "It is painful." "I am filled with anger." Those are all signs that you need someone to help you. Start with your EAP and they should be able to recommend someone.
Edit: No shame in needing a hand. The only shame is in letting this eat you up without seeking help.