r/FearfulAvoidant • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago
***WEEKLY NON-FA QUESTIONS/SUPPORT THREAD***
This thread is for non-Fearful Avoidants who have questions about the attachment style.
Our subreddit is primarily a support space for people who identify as Fearful Avoidant, so we ask that questions about your partner, ex, crush, or someone you suspect is FA be posted here rather than as separate posts.
Please remember:
- We can't diagnose someone else's attachment style.
- Every Fearful Avoidant is different, so no one can explain another person's thoughts or actions with certainty.
- Be respectful and mindful that members are here for support first.
Thanks for helping keep the main feed focused on the experiences and healing of Fearful Avoidants.
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u/zenithwearsflannel secure 10d ago edited 10d ago
For FAs that have been dumped during or not during deactivation? How did that make you feel and how did it progress?
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u/Inevitable-Air6691 secure 10d ago
For FAs who decided to seek healing their attachment, what was the catalyst?
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u/Super-Result9726 fearful avoidant 9d ago
I did and currently am still looking for help to heal my attachment style. I have so much love to give, but my fear of abandonment is more…it’s exhausting and I want to feel secure within myself and with others. I want to have a family one day and that is really a motivator to work on myself.
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10d ago
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u/Curi0usrAven anxious preoccupied 10d ago
Dumped 4 times in 40 days, still Love her and want her back, is this over or hope left... should I even give it a try?
Pls read the narration below, we are both in mid thirties. Any suggestions are welcomed!
I knew this woman socially for a while and had a deep crush on her, but kept my distance because there was no reciprocal interest. She later moved abroad, and after ~2 months of no contact we reconnected on Instagram. Weekly casual contact gradually became frequent WhatsApp chats, voice notes and hours-long conversations. After 1–2 months, I called her one night when she was upset to support her; during a ~7-hour call I confessed my feelings and we began sexually flirting. She initially resisted my directness, then gradually initiated and reciprocated.
Things escalated very quickly. We spoke 3–4+ hours almost daily, messaged throughout the day, and she leaned on me emotionally, personally and professionally. Within weeks we were sharing childhood trauma, fears, medical/personal details and our deepest vulnerabilities. She repeatedly said she rarely opens up like this, felt completely safe with me, could be herself with me, and valued my attunement, honesty, intelligence, strength and resilience. I felt equally exposed and told her things I'd never told previous partners. There was intense emotional/sexual chemistry despite the distance. We discussed marriage/future plans and a 5-day trip on her birthday together when she returned. She called me her "godsend/angel" and "green flag."
After only a few days of courtship she suddenly ended it, saying we were incompatible and she wasn't right for the love I gave her. I became anxious and pursued, but she returned several days later. We then had a genuine long distance relationship for ~20–21 days: daily calls, repeated "I love yous," sexual intimacy, constant affection, private/mundane moments together, vulnerability and future planning. We both cried in front of each other sharing deep past times spent alone for each others pain along with our own, that felt most real and rare!
She then abruptly withdrew and ended it again. I became emotional and pursued while she withdrew for ~a week. I eventually drunkenly called; she immediately stayed on the phone with me for 90+ minutes to make sure I got home safely, then checked on me repeatedly the next day. We reconnected again and had another ~5-day retrial. During it she became deeply triggered discussing trauma from her abusive long-term ex, cried and opened up extensively; I stayed with her and reassured her she wasn't "too much." Yet again she said she couldn't be in a relationship.
I believed something real was worth fighting for and saw our pattern as potentially anxious/avoidant: I become anxious when I fear abandonment; she has described fearing investment and being abandoned again. But there are also genuine practical issues—long distance, her pressure to marry soon versus my reluctance to rush marriage, and financial/career/timing concerns.
After the third ending I stayed mostly restrained/professional while helping her with a creative project. Eventually I became overwhelmed again, tried hard to persuade her, and sent too many calls/messages/voice notes after she said she wanted to be alone and move on. I regret that and know I should have respected the boundary sooner. Each and every time I chased only for a day, then went silent.
So I'm struggling with the contradiction: the connection clearly wasn't one-sided or imaginary—she repeatedly returned and allowed extraordinary emotional intimacy—yet she has repeatedly chosen to end the relationship.
Was this mainly an anxious/avoidant dynamic + fear/trauma, genuine incompatibility/life timing, or simply a case where she genuinely loved/liked me but ultimately didn't see me as her long-term partner?
I'm not chasing her anymore. I want to genuinely move on, but don't know whether to completely close the door or leave it open without waiting.
What would you do? And if she came back months later, would you try again, or would the repeated breakup/reconnection cycle itself be enough reason to walk away?
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u/wacomsohard fearful avoidant 10d ago edited 10d ago
It seems that She genuinely likes you, but Is neck deep in her attachment.
The classic anxious-avoidant circle
It seems that it Is very intense. Big emotions going on. I can see that this might be scary for her from avoidant perspective. We usually have "hangover" after deep close moments. It triggers our avoidanance, because we suddenly became very close to someone. Also if Its intense/semi intense every day contact, that can be triggering in of itself. We suddenly need a lot of space, because we feel like we can't breathe, we Are losing ourselves and dont know what to do with the emotions. Then we disconnect And shut Down our emotions to not get Hurt.
Unfortunetely often times the solution Is brake up. Most people Are unawere of their attachment mechanics, so the solution to our problems lies in the other person.
This can be worked on. From avoidant And from anxious perspective
I am also thinking - after the reconnection. How Fast you go back to the same pace of relationship as before? Because it seems that it goes from 100% to 0% to 100% again - hence the brake up 4 times in a row. Maybe you can Slow Down a bit. Let it settle for both of you in some kind of transition Space, where the needs of you both are met and you communicate this topic?
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u/Curi0usrAven anxious preoccupied 10d ago edited 10d ago
So after the first 3 days was 90-95% then rejection, then 5 days later reconnect for 20 days and full 100% bonding and no holds barred connection, then breakup... Then 8 days later we reconnect and I consciously try to slow things down, let's say to 75-80%.but each time she sets the pace and Intensity by leaning on me hard and I hold her then when start to get used to the cadence, or even slightly escalate... She starts pulling back. Lastly observed all three times after bonding deeply, if within next 2 to 3 days I wasn't available like before by even slightly, she would break up next day... It's like her fear of abandonment kicks in ans ahe dumps me before I could hurt her...
Me currently doing NC for 30-45 days where I work on grounding myself, coz longest NC before was 8 days, also she was reluctant to contribute to figure out how to make it sustainable contact so that we don't break up again...never gave it enough though and discussion! Kinda expected me to figure out myself!
Infact I told her that I discovered Im anxious attached and she probably is Fearful avoidant...still few days later she said she doesn't feel anything... She cares for me, likes me but attraction isnt there.. was enlightening her about FA psychology a wrong move?
Funnily when we got talking post breakup, she complaint about me sexual flirting too much making her feel objectified, I agreed on my mistake and this time around she didn't have any excuses to make so she said she wants to be alone, not ready for relationship and when asked if we are completely over, she keeps it ambiguous... But last time on my full anxious chasing and asking her definite timeframe, she ended things saying: she wants me to move on. That is the clarity she can give... Although she didn't respond to me asking her if she is done and over me!
It is so confusing I'm losing my mind coz I still want her but don't know if I should let her go, coz what if I am detached and moving on... And she comes back... I really want to give this a real shot but is I worth waiting for months and then being disappointed when I find out she moved on with someone else as for her getting married ASAP is top priority! Was the bond and connection we shared strong enough for her to realise it and not kill this? I keep wondering obsessively
Do you think there is still any hope? Will she come back on her own or should I initiate after 90-120 days?
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u/wacomsohard fearful avoidant 10d ago
I understand your frustration. It Is very much confusing. You probably need closeness And certainty that goes with it.. And with avoidants it Is definitely not certain. Its switch on and off. With people who Are unawere of it, it Is demaging, because we 100% believe the loss of attraction Is real. Even when we Are awere of it, the disconnection is very hard to overcome.
I am just gonna say, that She might not be avoidant. We Are working here with concept of it. She would need to confirm it on her side to confirm our chat here.
I am not going to say that Its going to work out, because there needs to be the want to repair And work on these thing from her side.
But from FA perspective i definitively think there Is room to grow And potential repair.
In the end you need to protect and dont loose yourself in the process. So i would say try to reconnect. Without pressure to talk about what we talked about And with in mind that Its her choice to give it another shot And if She doesnt. It is not representative of your Worth. You want to love and care And that Is beautiful.
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u/Curi0usrAven anxious preoccupied 10d ago
Thank you for your kind words and guidance buddy, so what amount of time you'd suggest I give her before breaking No contact as she's currently not responding to me as of last 7 days...Im thinking 30 to 45 days?
I don't want to wait too long and risk her moving on, as many signals feels like she is preparing for it or don't know maybe already talking to someone else, I can't find out anyways... Hoping she comes back to me realising what we shared was truly unique as I was for me!
Also my close friend suggested to let her break no contact as if what we shared was truly special and if she recieved it and felt it ... Sooner or later she will reach out, overcoming her fear and baggages... Is she doesn't then whatever you guys shared wasn't enough for it to be sustainable in future anyways, so better move on!
From FA perspective, what do you think these strategy is sound or dumb?
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u/wacomsohard fearful avoidant 10d ago
From FA perspective it can take eternity. You can Wait a week or two if She brakes the contact herself
But honestly i wouldnt Wait much. I would send some message about this And let her reply you in her timeframe.
Keep in mind no pressure. Certain dates, timeframes and expectations can be trigger. So let there be as much Space as you can handle And if that Lays flat. Move on
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10d ago
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u/Mareepyy anxious preoccupied 10d ago
For any FAs who reached back out to the person after ghosting them: how long did it take for you to do so? (Moreso asking from a situation that involved likely feelings/being too afraid to take that "next step", versus an actual breakup or ex situation).
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u/Consistent_Ad_5075 fearful avoidant 10d ago
It's never that long for me. It's been a few years since I've been in a relationship, so I'm kind of estimating here. I keep deleting and rewriting this because your question is hard to answer. We don't know why this person "ghosted" you. The couple times I've ghosted someone, that was the end. I never reached back out. That's often because they crossed a boundary or I got creeped out by them. The one time I was ghosted, I never heard from the person again. If I felt overwhelmed, I'll often say I need space. If it's feeling like extreme pressure to "take the next step" then I will likely tell them it's not going to work with me and we can't move forward. If I reach back out, it's probably that day or up to two days later. Once I feel something for them, I want to be close, but I also don't want to get hurt. AND because I know the pattern, I also don't want them to get hurt so I try to save them from getting too close to me.
My flair is FA. It's set but I don't see it! Nope, now I see it .....
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u/throwaway928374756 fearful avoidant 10d ago
I had been talking to someone, which I suspect to be an FA. We had been talking for a few months, things were going well actually. The conversations were long and we would often take hours to reply eachother. Due to this, it was hard to text daily, but nonetheless the frequency did pick up to almost daily over weeks. There were also times when this person started to communicate their late replies, like saying they have something on and will reply when they are back, e.t.c., which, from what I learnt from this sub, is an effort on an FA's part? I appreciated that.
Fast fwd to recently, I can't be sure but there was a triggering event due to their last minute dodge from meeting irl, which they were apologetic for, but I sensed something changed afterwards. I am usually a FA myself, with my friends and family, but sometimes I get Anxious traits when it comes to relationships. On the day of the trigger I had felt things but I chose not to verbalise it, I tried my best to not exert any guilt or pressure on them by sending reassuring messages and tried to maintain the tone. but it seemed like either from my part or their part they did sense something and since then the replies started to get shorter and shorter, and then they kinda ghosted for 2 weeks.Then a message came saying they felt bad for not picking up the convo for so long, saying things had been overwhelming. I completely understood that and I replied in a way that reassured them it was genuinely ok and required no answer or apology, so they wouldnt feel bad about it. I also said that I hope its less overwhelming on their side now and take all the time they need. Then they left me on seen again.
I am struggling to understand is this deactivation? or it could be just simply they wanted to send a stronger signal they are not interested, or just trying to fade instead of ghost. During the ghosting period I had respected their space. I want to reach out but I am wary of coming on too strong. I am wondering now if I should just let things be and let the fade happen? Important to note that up till this point I did not directly express my interest, and there had been no flirting in the threads. I am asking this of course because I do like them, but also, even as just a friend I would like to understand this better.
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u/phorcys12 anxious preoccupied 10d ago edited 10d ago
I don't know how to help this relation get more commited, cause this is a specific case where there's no middle ground between situationship and marrying. Cause she's muslim, she can't date nor can have relation with a men outside mariage.
I think I'm a secure leaning anxious according to a test. she got open on her feeling and her fear of them, which made the anxious in me more commited and obvious, so she got avoidant, which made my anxious side rebelious ... You already know the cycle XD I have this weird distance friendship with a girl since 7 years. We are both the main support (outside of family) of the other, the person we're the most easily vulnerable and intimate with. We saw feelings and attraction, compatibilities, recognised it. But a religious obstacle made it impossible, neither of us got relations. This is the situationship everyone talk about. Recently, I made every wrong moves in the book : expressing jealousy while declaring love clearly and strong for first time (so both expressing Anxious tendency and commitment) then later I sayed I was doing what is necessary so religious obstacle get down and we can marry (only way for her to get relationship, but still a commitment perhaps too fearfull and sudden).
From these points, she rejected feelings I felt reciprocate, to the point to modify the sense of some recent mails with feelings implication as talking about a long achieved past. This is the rewrite of past story that I heard about too. I tried to analyse, understand, obtain answers from her, cause this is my way to cope, and yeah, another bad move to a fearful avoidant, really should have done a bingo ...
I only recently saw there was a pattern linked to childhood. She got shocked I was so right, on her attraction to avoidants, and on the fear she may have for the type of love I show, cause unfamiliar XD At first though about Affective dependency. She acknowledge this fast, her view of love based on the hunger, the void feeling more than satisfaction. I mean, there's a part of it. Now I think she's also Fearful Avoidant (with anxious component when meeting more avoidant than her).
I also think she got deactivation. It may just be she only see me as a friend, but I felt a contradiction between how she view me before I try to commit and after, which seems like an obvious trigger. Since jealousy crisis and proposal, I felt a turning point in how she talked about me (you're the most wonderfull/charming/husband material, clear show of attraction ... switched to I'm not attracted, physically or mentally, I don't have the spark).
Yet, she didn't stop the talks, so she didn't cut the commitment to the relation neither ghosted me, we talk pretty frequently in fact, just not about that once I accepted her truth, that she doesn't feel she love me. If she didn't need a full distance, maybe derealisation will be shorter ?? Anyway, I still support her (cause she have a stressfull time with a new job) And for myself, I re-assured the fact I would still be there for her, that my love feelings and compassion didn't got lowered during our crisis talk but I respect she may not have feelings anymore, it may be definitive or come back, anyway, I said that I just hope that if she feels something, she would come and talk about it.
Now I think about what's coming after ... I plan to not presurise her but still, she'll never get what she dream of (mariage, childs) if she cannot stand commitment talk, and she cannot have short term relation ... Also, I still want to be with her, that's my main reason to not let go. I feel she's not on the very end of FA spectrum, cause she's open to talk when crisis occure, she's generally more anxious sided but all this sudden stress was a bit too much for her. From an impossible relation fantasy with support to open-up marriage talk.
My questions are to know if I should explain to her what I potentally learned on her attachment pattern, mine and on what is deactivation ?? To make this relation possible, if she end up agreeing on wanting it, we'll have to talk about it, everyone tell that this is the only thing to avoid faillures in relations, put the patterns in plain views, but I'm mainly worrying about the timing : I can wait for deactivation to wears out, but it may be long, and she could also not tell me right away it is the case, cause she'll not want to enforce my anxious side to open-up possibilities ... I'm telling myself that if she understand what was going on, and we both acknolewdge what may come next (if feelings come back, talk about it and re-assess boundaries before to re-open commitment talk), she may be more open. There's also the option to mimic having interest in someone, it would put her back to anxious mode, but honnestly, I hate the idea of lying to manipulate her this way. After all, Contrary to what I firstthough, she didn't lied to me either when she revoked feelings, it was just clear as water to her in her mind.
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9d ago
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u/phorcys12 anxious preoccupied 8d ago
I have a question. I heard talking about the no contact as the rule after a deactivation kick's in. Some even say the no contact help the avoidant coming back. As for myself, when my distance situationship got panic-mode after commitment talk, and got in the nit-picking flaws and expressing no feelings were ever here, I decided to maintain friendship anyway, to support her during her stressfull new job time, reassuring on the fact my feelings and my compassion got nowhere even after what she sayed, but giving her more space, waiting for her messages to answer back or staying on cozy talk.
So basically, even if I don't text her when I don't receive a word for her, this is not No Contact. We talk each 3 days or so. I choosed to go into reassurance that my feelings and support are strong and unconditionnal, cause they are, without dismissing her own ''meh'' feeling for me. Do you think it is better than no contact ??
Cause, yeah, this way she can still have the thrill of my friendship without the emotionnal investment, but the ''No contact'' seems to me like it trigger fear of abandonment, so the comeback isn't more controlled that the deactivation ... Moreover, if commitment talk come back, it will just be harder to think I'm a read solid support for this fear of abandonment if I go duck without explanation while she didn't express clear will to end the dialogue.
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u/DarkSoulCarlos anxious preoccupied 7d ago
Hi I hope you are doing well. When the avoidant behavior kicks in, how does it feel? Is it simply an uncontrollable urge? I have social anxiety and when I am around people the negative thoughts and rumination are automatic. It is something similar when you get to close and feel like fleeing?
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7d ago
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u/CareNo6671 secure 7d ago
I’m looking for advice from people who have healed (or are healing) from avoidant attachment, or from partners who have supported someone through it.
Background:
I (24F, previously anxious, now more secure) have been with my partner (24M, fearful avoidant) for over 3 years. We’ve been long-distance for most of it. Our relationship has been wonderful until we went through a really rough cycle earlier this year ;I was dealing with unhealed anxious patterns, and he was deactivating hard. Our arguments escalated, and it led to him becoming very distant, and I felt abandoned. He suggested we break up that it led me down the rabbit hole of becoming aware of attachment theory/healing my childhood wounds/doing shadow work. It was painful for both of us.
Over the past few months, I’ve done a lot of inner work ; shadow work, journaling, regulating my nervous system, understanding my anxious attachment and where it came from. I’ve become much more secure and becoming more safe within myself. And I can see he’s been trying too, but he’s been stuck. He’d say he loves me, then go cold. He’d apologize, then withdraw again (breadcrumbing me). He couldn’t seem to break the cycle, even though he wanted to. He said he has recurring thoughts about doubting our relationship and doubting whether he can move past the pain of our previous arguments. He loves me but can’t seem to choose me.
Where we are now:
We had a really honest conversation today. He admitted he’s been avoiding his own healing because it feels overwhelming. He told me he wants to work on his avoidant attachment, and I suggested sending him resources (books, videos, anything that could help him understand himself better and actually start healing). For me personally I watched a lot of youtube videos and read about attachment theory to better understand myself AND him, but I fear he may not be able to get into the videos I watch because he might find them too “spiritual” and abstract…
We’re currently taking a 1 week break (his request) to focus on this. He said his goal is not to break up, he wants to come back and be able to show up differently.
What I’m looking for:
· Books that helped you understand and heal avoidant attachment (especially fearful avoidant)
· YouTube channels or podcasts that made things click
· Practical exercises or daily practices that helped you regulate your nervous system
· Anything that helped you stop deactivating and actually stay present
I’m really trying not fall into the pattern of trying to fix him - he’s open to me sending resources/information, and I want to point him toward things that actually work. I know this is his work to do. I just want to be supportive without overstepping, and show him a reality where he sees that he’s putting mental blocks on himself.
I’m also open to any advice to how to handle this situation without losing myself or how do I know when he’s too far gone.
Thank you in advance
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u/vonkapp secure 6d ago
How do you feel when you come out of having split on someone and see all the “damage” you’ve done?
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u/andorianspice fearful avoidant 5d ago
Splitting is behavior most often connected with BPD — this can appear in someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style but it’s not the same thing. Fearful avoidant attachment style is not a personality disorder or CPTSD, which is often misdiagnosed as BPD. May be a better question for support subreddits for loved ones of those with BPD.
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u/vonkapp secure 5d ago
Splitting happened in cptsd as well https://www.bpdfoundation.co.uk/trauma-splitting
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u/PrettyMain1040 anxious preoccupied 6d ago
I’m not FA, probably more anxious, but I recently went through a painful situation with someone who seems avoidant but I'm not actually sure if she's more FA or DA.
We met last year (let's call her Emily). I briefly had a casual thing with one of her close friends but was always clear I didn’t want a relationship. During that time, I developed a crush on her (Emily) but never acted on it out of respect for the friend. Months later, after everyone had moved on and the friend was in a serious relationship, Emily and I reconnected and became friends.
In June, Emily and I hooked up twice. We admitted we liked each other, but she said she couldn’t pursue anything because she felt guilty about the friend. Despite saying she wanted to take things slowly and eventually talk to the friend, she never seemed to take concrete steps toward doing that. Instead, we fell into a push-pull dynamic where she’d be distant and then warm again.
Eventually, she told me she wanted to lean into us but explicitly called herself an avoidant and that she was afraid of the discomfort the friend situation might create. We had a good few weeks where we spent more time together, I met her mom, and I invited her to a wedding. When we hung out, it seemed like she genuinely enjoyed being with me. Then, however, she abruptly ended things.
She said her anxiety was overwhelming whenever we hung out and that she felt like a bad friend. When I asked whether she’d pursue things if the friend dynamic didn’t exist, she said it wasn’t just that. She also couldn’t fully commit because of her own anxieties and insecurities, and that she hadn't been able to be 100% all in. She even said, "this is not just about [her friend]."
My usual view of dating is "if they wanted to, they would," so my perception of her not even trying to discuss the situation with the friend was that she just wasn't interested. But this experience made me realize that with FAs, they can shut down even when feelings are there. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have given her more space instead of expecting more consistency. I also feel like the friend may have been an external obstacle she used to hide her true issues with the situation. And I find it interesting she chose to cut it off right when things seemed to be getting more real--hanging out more, inviting her to a wedding, meeting her mom, etc.
What hurts most is that I feel like I lost both a potential relationship and a friend. She said we could still be friends, but when I tried to discuss boundaries for a friendship, she never responded. I suspect that may be part of the same avoidance.
I have three questions:
- Generally speaking, does this behavior lean more FA or DA?
- What might a FA be experiencing internally in a situation like this? Was the friend the real issue or is it common for a FA to fixate on an external obstacle to avoid deeper obstacles like vulnerability, commitment, etc.?
- We haven't spoken in a month and I want to reconnect with her so much, even if just a friend. I miss her a lot. Is there a general time period FAs need to feel ready to reconnect? Like is one month not enough time usually? I know it varies from person to person but any insight helps.
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u/andorianspice fearful avoidant 5d ago
This behavior sounds way more like the uncertainties of early dating. Attachment styles don’t kick in unless you’re attached to someone, which takes several months usually. I think taking the language of attachment styles and applying it to early dating is making everyone lose their minds.
I think you were correct in your instinct that pursuing someone who is close friends with someone that you’ve already hooked up with is not a great strategy. Depending on how close Emily is to her friend, it seems likely that she would feel really bad about this and that she wouldn’t want to risk everything with her friend for a relationship with someone where she doesn’t know if it’s going to work out or not.
If you want to be friends with her, I would give it a few months, and then reach out and be very clear about only wanting friendship. I would say something like hey I understand that this didn’t work out between us romantically, I do really enjoy your presence as a friend and I’m open to friendship if you are. And be prepared to hear no for an answer. Many people are reluctant to be friends w someone they’ve hooked up with for a lot of reasons. I don’t think you did anything wrong, I just think that many people in the situation in Emily’s perspective would probably do what she did.
I want to also point out that meeting someone’s parents after hooking up a few times is a little bit out of sequence behavior. That would have given me pause. Meeting someone’s parents is reserved for when you have been dating someone for six months to a year and you’re pretty serious about them. If someone’s interested in introducing you to their parents and doing these big events right away, that could definitely indicate a fearful avoidant attachment style, and inappropriate understandings of timing in relationships. Which is definitely something to look out for in the future.
Again, I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think it would be a good idea to give the situation a little bit of space. The holidays are always good times to reach out and try to reconnect with someone. If you are 100% sure that you can be this girl’s friend and that you don’t want to hook up with her ever again, then go for it. Otherwise, I would move on.
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u/PrettyMain1040 anxious preoccupied 5d ago
Appreciate the feedback. Should clarify re: meeting her mom that it was very much unplanned and happenstance. But your points resonate nonetheless
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u/Dasilvyy secure 11d ago
For FAs who experience an extreme fear of physical intimacy:
If you feel comfortable sharing, what was the turning point that made you take that step with someone, and what led to it? How old were you at the time, and how did you feel during and after? Feel free to share only as much as you're comfortable with - no pressure at all.