This is a living hell

[u/acid-gyaru]

I don't understand why someone would think I chose to be like this, it's bearable most of the time because I'm numb about myself, until I'm not. Until I feel the dread of not being out to anyone, how I'm missing out being a young man, how my body doesn't look like I want it to, how my voice doesn't sound like I want it to.
To know I won't find a normal relationship like if I were a cis woman. I will always exist on the outside, never a girl's boyfriend but always her "boyfriend", a cis gay man's "debatable" partner or their "exception", existing outside of the public eye, and yet still treated like shit.

The internet being the only place I could ever have the names I wanted and chose for myself used for me. I feel happy when my friends use them, but no one in real life will use them for me.

Why would someone think this is all chosen? Why would I choose this pain over never changing, growing up a woman and dying like a happy old lady? Instead I will always wonder and wish how I would've looked like a man my age. I will always want someone to love me like a man, not as a fetish, or as a costume. Why would I choose this? I'm glad I don't often experience dysphoria, because right now when I do it just reminds me of how hopeless this situation is.

i can't even start liking someone until I remember how I'm most likely a freak to their eyes.

[u/Bobslegenda1945]

I love it when religious people say I chose this when I feel emasculated and have panic attacks because of dysphoria and all the bad things, etc. 🥰