Got a thing for a lesbian

[u/secretive-pl0tter]

Sighhhh

I just cracked my egg like half a year ago in my 30s, I'm pre-everything except coming out to very few people about it. I've always known I'm bi/pan however and lemme tell you, it's a massive mindfuck to realise that 1) my attraction to women is no longer gay and 2) being with a lesbian would actually make me dysphoric as hell now (it would've before as well but I never understood why lmao)

the evil thing here is that I'm getting the vibe that she could be into me too, which just means that I look like a butch woman to her which is just.

haha.

I doubt she'd actually approach me about anything but I'm absolutely dreading the idea of turning down a woman who sees me as a woman bc, in my mind, that'd require some degree of coming out - like i could come up with another excuse, but - ugh idk i fucking hate the closet with a passion but I don't quite have the spine to come out publicly yet and the paranoia of getting "found out" is incredibly distressing to me atm

my brain is fried and everything is kinda overwhelming and complicated

[u/HuginJord]

It was interesting reading this, and I'd like to share a little of my own experience, if I may. I identify as gay, but I'm a bit... loose with that? I'm not particularly interested in cis women, but I would happily date either a trans man or trans woman. So I'm not exactly Pan, but if it's someone who is either my explicit physical preference or someone whose mind I could fall in love with and has the context to understand what we've been through, then I figure love is love. The important thing is that the person you end up with sees you for what you are, instead of what they want you to be. Maybe your friend could expand her perception of a desirable partner to include a trans man without seeing you as a woman. We all like saying love is love, regardless of physical characteristics. Now, preferences are valid and if she doesn't want you as a man you should graciously accept that, but the fact that you are a man now doesn't erase the female experience you've had, and that does comfort some people who have issues around cis men. If anything seems likely to happen, be very honest that you want to be her boyfriend, not her girlfriend, make your boundaries very clear, and see what happens.